AIBU to think 'get it all over with' instead of 'space it out'

[NameChangedForThisQ]

Am 6 months pregnant with first child. Pregnancy has been great in some senses, but I struggle with anxiety at night. I had depression in the first couple of months but it actually helped me to make some important life changes. In the evenings I hate being pregnant, in the day it's mostly fine though I'm not up to doing as much as before and haven't been throughout.

When the baby comes I won't be breastfeeding and DP will be the main carer. I will also be at home and only work about 4 hours a day.

Ive always wanted a big family. My DP wants one too, probably about 6 or 7. I'm 28.

Now I'm thinking just have the next one close together with this one (think immediately pretty much) despite disliking being pregnant.. And have as many as I can in quick succession. To grin and bear the pregnancy thing and the stage where they'll all be young just for the benefits (as I see it, a big family is a benefit) later? In about two years or so we will be able to afford a full time nanny and a part time one.

What do you think? Am I crazy as hell?

There’s nothing wrong with choosing not the breastfeed and there’s nothing wrong with your DP being the primary carer, but I’d love to know what job you can do 4 hours a day from home that can support a family that big. Or any family for that matter.

I think you’re underestimating the costs of children, and the effect on your body of that many pregnancies. I’d have one and then see how you go.

Oh and my third pregnancy is by far the hardest... I have every symptom going. Still throwing up at 17 weeks, low iron, headaches, alternating between constipation and diarrhoea... my first 2 were a breeze in comparison. You just don’t know how it’s all going to go.

This isn’t real, is it?

Do you have any experience with children, OP? Particularly young ones?

Op has decided not to breastfeed, the reasons are irrelevant
I would suggest a wait and see approach op, having your child will be a world changer
Good luck

I do know people who make enough to support 7 children and a SAHP. Without exception, they are men who work long hours outside the home, not 4 hours a day in it.

Unless OP is Beyonce, I'm not sure her sums are right.

Have I interpreted your post correctly ? You want 6 or 7 children for the benefits, financial support from the tax payers?

Accountant222 where on earth did the OP say that? She said she’s a high earner so the chances of any benefits are pretty slim aren’t they?

Jaxteller - it depends who the reader is! It's odd on an anonymous forum to announce a fairly 'debatable' course of action such as deciding to not even try to bf and not explain why. Fwiw, all the mothers of large families i know breast fed.

Unwise to make decisions about the size of the family before experiencing parenting.

Your DP would be in a very vulnerable position financially if he SAH, unless he has his own financial assets, if you are not married.

And you would be at risk of not having as much custody of your DC should you break up.

You have a MH issue. There is a risk that you may find it harder than you expect to be well, parent, WoH and so on. Sleep deprivation and parenting in general can put pressure on mental health. You also don’t know how your relationship with DP will be.

Having pregnancies close together and DC close in age is extremely hard work IME.

You don't have to have 6-7 children. I have one and it suits me fine. You might find one is enough? It's bloody hard work and I think you need to be a really special kind of person to deal with 6-7 kids. My friends with3 often say how they're struggling. I'd wait and reassess once you've given birth, settled in and bonded with baby and given your body a chance to recover.

As an aside and not meaning to offend but high earner on 4 hours internet work plus making the prior choice of not wanting to BF - webcam? Not judging. Just curious.

Physical health and fertility are also factors.

You want 6 or 7 children for the benefits

I understood this as the benefits of having a big family (not "benefits").

OP, see how you feel after the first one turns up. I liked the idea of lots of children close together in age before I had DD. Now (she's 10 months) I enjoy spending time with her and don't feel ready to have another yet.

Wanting to plan 6-7 when you’ve not even had 1 yet is jumping the gun a bit. Why not see how 1 goes.

I always wanted a huge family. I have 2! 2.5 years between them, and that was still bloody hard work. Add in PND, SPD, and a lousy sleeper, and you see why I only have 2 (and I didn’t breastfeed either - tried but it wasn’t happening for a variety of reasons - people will try to make you feel shit for not BF. My kids are thriving, smart teens, no weight, health, or teeth issues, and we have great relationships, so it’s done them no harm)
See how you feel after having 1, and don’t make any hasty decisions. My first dc was an ‘easy’ baby - slept, ate, had obviously read the baby books and knew what to do! Let’s just say I was brought down to earth with a bump with dc2 love them both to bits but 2 was plenty for me! Now they’re teenagers I’m glad we (I!) decided 2 was enough.

Yes, Accountant, when she mentions benefits, she's not talking about State benefits - she's talking about the "benefits" ( not sure what they are) of having a large family!

I think take it a baby at a time OP. See how it goes, see how you feel, see how your dh feels. The reality of children and child-rearing can be very different to the fantasy and its totally normal to change what you want as things go along.

Aren’t women advised to wait at least a year after birth before getting pregnant again due to the strain on the body? I cannot imagine to discomfort and lack of pelvic muscles you’d have doing this just a few times, especially as you say you’ve found pregnancy difficult and are unable to do a lot, let alone 7 - that is if you can get pregnant that fast/at all, biologically speaking as well as considering you’ll have so many young children wanting you’re attention!

Hi OP, congratulations on your pregnancy and I'm sorry you are struggling with anxiety. There's nothing wrong with having a plan, as long as you are willing to adjust them if things don't work out as you expected.

I'm part of a large family and having a very difficult relationship with most of my siblings and attachment issues from not being able to develop a bond with my mum when I was little because she was so stressed all the time with raising us all. What the benefits of having a large family for you? Is it worth putting your body through 6-7 pregnancies? Will you have time to develop a bond with all 6/7 when they are little?

Dont underestimate the cost of teens
School holidays coming up and feeding them all will cost a fortune, as do branded clothes and trainers, gadgets and activities. I have 4. With 6/7 it would be nigh on impossible for them all to do out of school stuff. I run about most nights taxiing children after work. Its hard work.
I also HATED pregnancy, by the 4 th id had enough to the point of staying in bed the whole 9 months.

After I had ds1 it was such a shock to the system, I said "never again". I waited nearly another six years before having ds2.

The chances of genuinely going on to have 6 kids when you don't like pregnancy and haven't ever parented with just one in tow (which is exhausting and difficult) is probably fairly low.

I wouldn't worry about what your future family will look like at this time point. Most people I know wanted more, until they actually had kids, then chose to stop at one, two, possibly three. None actually went on to have the four they would have liked because reality crashed in!

See how you get on with number 1 first

How higher an earner are you? Are you talking £50k, £100k, £200k or higher?
Our household income is about £50k which is almost double the national average wage, so higher than a lot of people. We have 3 kids and although we don’t struggle we can’t afford things like 2 week foreign holidays, new cars, designer clothes etc. No way could we support 6-7 kids (properly - giving them extra curricular activities. Nice days out etc)
Also how big is your house? And your car? What are your plans for schooling? Kids get a lot more expensive as they get older and life gets a lot more busier.

I am also curious as to what ‘internet’ business you do? Is is sustainable long term?

IF you’ve got depression and anxiety best have a couple of kids and space them out well. Give yourself an easy life.