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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thinking now of telling dh I don’t like him in vest tops ?

140 replies

LardLizard · 17/07/2018 15:58

He was wearing on yesterday and I just find them yuk
Don’t know if it’s the hair arm pits or what
I was thinking oh don’t like him in that
But thought well it's got etc

Then we were talking about packing for holidays when he said I’ve just bought a few more of these pointing to his best top

I thought oh njustvweatva bloody t shirt !!

OP posts:
VanGoghsLeftEar · 18/07/2018 07:27

It's a minefield isn't it? My DH would be so offended if I said I didn't like him wearing something. However, bizarrely, I ask him to honestly appraise my catalogue-shopped apparel and am not offended in the slightest if he says it looks hideous. It depends on the person.

I personally hate Dh's choice of jeans and trousers, he's stuck in the 90s! Baggy, shapeless monstrosities that I would happily burn...but he thinks they suit him, and if I say he looks awful it would cause a row that would last days, so...as my mum used to say, pick your battles.

Twinkie1 · 18/07/2018 07:27

Very few men look good in a vest top, they are David Beckham, Tom Hardy and those sort of fit, buff , golden skinned men.

I'd burn them if DH bought them 😂

Cheerbear23 · 18/07/2018 07:28

Reverse this situation...

My wife is hot and likes to wear shorts on holiday. Her legs aren’t the best and I’m not sure she shaves them frequently enough- I don’t like seeing her body hair and she doesn’t look good. Shall I tell her I don’t by want her to take shorts on holiday?

If someone posted that they would be told to fuck off and controlling etc in the strongest terms. Massive double standards here.

adaline · 18/07/2018 07:33

Very few men look good in a vest top, they are David Beckham, Tom Hardy and those sort of fit, buff , golden skinned men.

I'd burn them if DH bought them

"Very few women look good in a vest top. They are Beyonce, Blake Lively and those sort of slim, tanned and toned women. I'd burn them if DW bought them".

One is apparently funny yet if a man came on and wrote the latter, he would be flat out called controlling and abusive.

Original poster
LardLizard · 18/07/2018 07:33

I’m gonna have to say something, worse that he’s bought some new ones for the holiday though.....

OP posts:
Original poster
LardLizard · 18/07/2018 07:34

Tbf once years ago
He Chucked out a pair of joggers of mine that he thought were hideous

OP posts:
NorthernSpirit · 18/07/2018 07:36

They’ve (IMO) chavvy

cmlover · 18/07/2018 07:37

I love my df in a good vest.. and esp showing of his arms.

ybu there would be uproar if it was a woman being asked not to wear something becayse he didn't like them .

Df doesn't like leggings buy would never dream of asking me not to... because you know... it's my body, my choise...

adaline · 18/07/2018 07:37

If someone threw my clothes away because he didn't like them, I'd be strongly considering calling time on the relationship.

It's his holiday as well - why do you you think you have the right to tell him what to wear?

Original poster
LardLizard · 18/07/2018 07:43

It’s not his body. He had a great body
It’s the fact it’s too much flash on show
And just so so scruffy

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 18/07/2018 07:44

""If my wife wants to wear her favourite shoes, she can exercise her right to wear whatever she wants but not around me."

Why do people think they can control what other grown adults wear?"

To bed I wear shorts that don't fit me and aren't flattering with thick pink bed socks. I'm aware I look ridiculous, but I'm alone. I wouldn't dress like this if I was in the company of someone I wanted to be attracted to me. It's not about control, but an acceptance that some things are not attractive.

adaline · 18/07/2018 08:35

But attractiveness is subjective and not everyone cares about looking attractive all the time.

Some people like leggings as pants, others think they look awful. Some people find pink shirts on men amazingly sexy, others don't.

You have every right not to find vests on men attractive but I think it borders on controlling when you tell another grown up what not to wear solely based on your own opinion.

KC225 · 18/07/2018 08:51

Well if you will go and marry Rab C Nesbit

UneMoonit · 18/07/2018 08:55

I feel like couples that communicate have a good idea of what DP does/doesn't like them in, even if they are not obliged to change what they wear, and it doesn't have to be express e d without subtlety.

I think I would express a preference for another top - you look much nicer in that one, sexy. Probably enough.

I think if I was wearing something off-putting I would prefer to at least know. I wouldn't want to be blissfully carrying on thinking it was all good.

JacquesHammer · 18/07/2018 08:58

Gosh an awful lot of controlling spouses on this thread.

Branleuse · 18/07/2018 08:59

can you get some better vest tops that are less offensive to you. Like maybe plain black ones and just tell him how much nicer they are

Its so bloody hot lately, im always in shorts and vests or strappy dresses. I think Tshirts with sleeves are ok at up to about 22 degrees, but above that and I need more skin out

chocolatemademefat · 18/07/2018 09:14

Just tell him they’re not going in the case. I don’t see the problem here.

vandrew4 · 18/07/2018 09:19

yanbu. I think they look scroaty

adaline · 18/07/2018 09:22

Just tell him they’re not going in the case. I don’t see the problem here.

Would you accept your husband banning you from taking certain clothes on holiday? What if you wanted to take your new favourite swim suit or dress and he told you they weren't allowed in the case?

Jesus, the controlling behaviour on here! Why is it deemed acceptable to tell grown adults what they can and cannot wear?

vandrew4 · 18/07/2018 09:24

Why is it deemed acceptable to tell grown adults what they can and cannot wear
because a successful marriage relies in part on finding each other physically attractive. i would rather my OH told me he really didn't like me in a particular outfit rather than him spending all day thinking I looked hideous

BunsOfAnarchy · 18/07/2018 09:25

I think its a little nasty of you if im honest.
If he said he hates you in vest tops and would rather you wore t shirts you'd be totally mortified.

My husband tends to prefer vest tops in the heat as his t shirts just get sweat patches in underarms which he hates.

Let him wear what he wants. He's an adult.

Joey7t8 · 18/07/2018 09:33

If I had a top or a number tops in a style that my partner didn’t find attractive, then I’d definitely want her to tell me, and I’d no longer wear them for the simple reason that I want to be attractive to her.

The OP’s husband is perfectly entitled to wear what he wants; however the OP is also perfectly entitled to not fancy him.

adaline · 18/07/2018 09:34

because a successful marriage relies in part on finding each other physically attractive. i would rather my OH told me he really didn't like me in a particular outfit rather than him spending all day thinking I looked hideous

Sure, but there's a difference between saying "I don't like that shirt/colour/shoes" on you, and banning someone from wearing an item of clothing they like.

OP's perfectly within her rights to say she doesn't like vest tops/prefers t-shirts, but banning a grown adult from wearing something you don't like is just controlling.

I don't like some of DP's shorts - I don't think they're flattering at all, but it's entirely his choice to wear them. It's not my body.

MarthasGinYard · 18/07/2018 09:36

Yanbu

They are hideous

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