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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be thinking now of telling dh I don’t like him in vest tops ?

140 replies

LardLizard · 17/07/2018 15:58

He was wearing on yesterday and I just find them yuk
Don’t know if it’s the hair arm pits or what
I was thinking oh don’t like him in that
But thought well it's got etc

Then we were talking about packing for holidays when he said I’ve just bought a few more of these pointing to his best top

I thought oh njustvweatva bloody t shirt !!

OP posts:
adaline · 18/07/2018 06:44

So much judgement on this thread.

I wonder if all the posters saying they'd ban their husbands from wearing them or would withdraw sex until they picked something else to wear would really be happy if their husbands displayed similar behaviour?

"Oh you know my favourite dress? Well x had a sale on and I managed to get three others in different colours/patterns to take on holiday!"

"Well, actually darling, considering you don't look like Beyoncé and haven't got toned enough arms, I think you should cover up your shoulders and be uncomfortably warm instead. I think that dress is gross and if you choose to wear it on holiday then I don't think I can bring myself to have sex with you"

That's basically what loads of comments on here have said, and let's face it, if a man said similar about his wife's choice of outfit he'd be told he was abusive and controlling. But it's apparently okay or even funny for women to tell their husbands the same thing.

JellyBears · 18/07/2018 06:45

My boss was wearing a really tight tank yesterday. So awkward I was like mate your nips are showing... ahh the life of a Nanny!! Lol

donajimena · 18/07/2018 06:46

I don't see it as double standards. In style and beauty I'm always seeing posts where the female poster is being told (tactfully) that dress looks shit, colour does nothing for you etc.
If my OH wanted to wear socks and Jesus sandals he can exercise his right to wear whatever he wants but not anywhere near me!

Desmondo2016 · 18/07/2018 06:51

Golly I'm always telling dh when he makes a bad choice. Luckily there much less frequent than they used to be Grin.

If he announced he was wearing one of them id gently remind him that he'll be wearing it in a 1 bedroom flat somewhere....Grin

BackBoiler · 18/07/2018 06:51

What are you taking on holiday? Does your body look perfect in those clothes?

Rozzzzzalmost35 · 18/07/2018 06:55

Yes tell him. They're hideous

adaline · 18/07/2018 06:57

But @donajimena the difference is posters on Style and Beauty are asking for opinions - OP's husband didn't ask for an opinion.

If I asked DP if he liked an outfit I wouldn't mind if he said no - likewise if he asked my opinion I would happily say "no, it looks scruffy" or "that colour doesn't suit you".

I wouldn't give my opinion unprovoked and tell him I found his outfit hideous and didn't want to have sex with him anymore, though!

SharronNeedles · 18/07/2018 07:00

Unless he's tanned, toned or ten years old there's no reason or excuse for him to be wearing a vest top.

Little bit of body shaming going on there. If it makes him feel comfortable he can wear whatever the hell he wants

adaline · 18/07/2018 07:00

If my OH wanted to wear socks and Jesus sandals he can exercise his right to wear whatever he wants but not anywhere near me!

And would this be acceptable turned around?

"If my wife wants to wear her favourite shoes, she can exercise her right to wear whatever she wants but not around me."

Why do people think they can control what other grown adults wear?

topcat2014 · 18/07/2018 07:01

I aspire to be the kind of man who does look good in such a garment - but it ain't gonna happen soon!

So, I kind of see where you are coming from, OP.

has been known to wear vests in the house and garden

adaline · 18/07/2018 07:02

Unless he's tanned, toned or ten years old there's no reason or excuse for him to be wearing a vest top.

"Unless your wife is tanned, toned and a size eight she has no reason or excuse to be wearing a dress/short skirt/skinny jeans".

susien777 · 18/07/2018 07:02

I think it depends on his body type and what he wears it with.

dudsville · 18/07/2018 07:03

I think there's a difference between clothes that make a person unattractive to you and clothes that don't suit a person (still, though, according to you). No one should feel they have to always look attractive to other people in order to be worthy.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 18/07/2018 07:03

Wife beater vests suit no one

But nor do a lot of clothes

So I include spaghetti strap tops !

It’s hot . You can’t say owt

nicebitofquiche · 18/07/2018 07:06

I'd just tell mine I don't like them. He'd still wear them. He tells me if he doesn't like my clothes. I still wear them. Slightly odd if you can't say what you think to each other.

Undercoverbanana · 18/07/2018 07:11

I am a runner. All my male friends wear vests all the time! And the women too, obviously. I think most of the guys shave/wax or trim their body hair. My DP shaves his pits.

Vests flatter some people more than others due to body shape/toning/posture etc.

I had a recent situation where DP was wearing a particular design of shorts and I thought no, no, no no .... The next day he wore a much more flattering pair and I commented on them (and went in for bum squeeze - he has the best bum ever) and said it was a shame that the ones he’d had on yesterday weren’t a similar cut. He went out and bought a couple more pairs of the ones I liked and I’ve not seen the others since. No offence taken.

On the other hand, if he’d said d “but I like those shorts” - then I would have had to accept it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/07/2018 07:16

Underwear as outerwear is sometimes sexy. But this 80’s throwback isn’t one of them.

lemonnmeringuepie · 18/07/2018 07:17

I'm not a fan but unless his belly was sticking out or it was far too tight I wouldn't say anything, as he can wear what he wants! If you really want to say something maybe lay on thick how good he looks in t shirts/long sleeve shirts, give him lots of compliments rather than a negative Smile

SharronNeedles · 18/07/2018 07:18

Some of the women on here treat their DPs and DHs as some sort of pet or take their martial advice from shows like King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond. Yes you can be the sassy wife who dictates everything if you like, but you're also a bit of a cunt if you can't recognise that your partners are supposed to be just that. An equal partner. Joint boss.

Go ahead though, hide his clothes, refuse to have sex with him, destroy them, or trash his self confidence if you wish. Says a lot more about you than anything else.

clumsyduck · 18/07/2018 07:19

" onslo tops" 😂😂

Honestly I hate vests on men however I wouldn't tell a dp ( and didn't with last dp ) not to wear them particularly when it's hot and very hot on holiday .

I wouldn't like to be sweating my tits off in a t shirt either !!

adaline · 18/07/2018 07:20

Slightly odd if you can't say what you think to each other

Of course you can say what you think. But there's a difference between "I don't like that shirt on you - I prefer the grey one" and "you look gross in that and if you wear it on holiday we won't be having sex".

Also, expressing dislike is one thing, but expecting your partner to change their clothes for you is actually quite controlling behaviour.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 18/07/2018 07:21

My DP wears vests sometimes.

He looks fit AF in them 👌

schooltripwoes · 18/07/2018 07:21

YANBU. I just think 'Onslo' (from Keeping up Appearances) Grin

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 18/07/2018 07:22

It's a difficult one. I hate those tops on most men, and I agree they look rough (almost regardless of what shape the wearer is in). However...if any DP started telling me what to wear, he would get his arse handed to him, so...I would probably suffer in silence. And pray for Autumn.

Sittinonthefloor · 18/07/2018 07:26

Yanbu, vest tops should be banned. I started feeling queasey in Tesco the otherday at seeing so much flesh hanging it. Naked tops on men and women's arses hanging out below their shorts. Envy (vomit not envy) PUT IT AWAY. .