To use the word "naughty"

[speedymama]

DTS are 3 yo and go to nursery. This weekend they chastised me and DH for using that word. They did something that I had asked them not to do and I told them to stop being naughty. DT1 retorted with "don't say naughty, I'm not naughty, you can't say naughty". So I responded with "well stop misbehaving then!"

I spoke to the nursery about this and they confirmed that they are not allowed to use the word naughty because it labels the child rather than the act. Now I'm all for positive parenting but there comes a time when you have to just tell how it is. I don't call my boys name but I do point out their bad behaviour and I also praise them when they are being good. In fact, I praise more than I chastise.

As a child, when my parents told me that I was being naughty, I took notice. Now my 3yo DTS read me the riot act. Well, I will not be dictated to by a toddler and if that makes me a dinosaur in terms of modern day parenting, so be it.

So am I a recalcitrant, anachronistic, old fashioned dinosaur who refuses to indulge the latest fads in parenting as dictated by a bunch of pinko liberal, arm wringing, bleeding heart busybodies?

(well, it's a loose thread that's best left untugged, Pan, lest our whole virtual world unravel...)

I'm sorry but nothing you can say will persuade me that calling a child 'naughty' every now and then is going to set up some sort of awful self fulfilling prophecy - not even the sob story about the grubby childrens home kid.

hhmm, you don't sound very sorry... and it was hardly a sob story, i was just thinking about a child i went to school with. that really was bitchy behaviour from you, loveangel. (please note i did not say you were a bitch).

How about agreeing to not pick at this thing and let it go, eh? And have a nice cup of tea.

i have a nice cup of tea here, Pan.
just to be clear, my point about the girl i went to school with was relevant to the fact that i think institutions should have rules.
because while Soupy, Anniemac and yes, even me were capable of sustaining being called naughty and not letting fracture our self-image, i think that she actually wasn't.

plus, another adult calling my child naughty just doesn't sit right with me... does it really with everyone else? i'd tell my close friends' kids off, 'stop doing that, i've told you that's off limits etc etc etc' but i wouldn't dream of calling them a name. i think that's a step beyond what i'd be comfortable saying (or hearing someone else say, tbh).

I'm not sorry, I can be a bitch. I still think this thread is bonkers. Milk & two sugars?

Har! 'Milk and two sugars' is code for 'call the police' for a headteacher I know.

What has gone wrong with this thread

actually, i'm middle class, loveangel, so i've got my lady grey here with no milk or sugar... would you like one? it's basically just a Hot Orange, i've recently decided. i think i don't really like tea... want one?

and seriously... what if i called your children 'naughty'? would that be okay? cos that's what i think is the equivalent of being told that in nursery.

pmsl@pointydog. Brilliant. I love weird codes.

Strictly PG tips (brewed so strong you could stand on it) in my household, T-Rex, but thanks anyway.

I wouldn't object to you telling my son he was naughty if he had done something naughty. If you were systematically destroying his confidence by calling him name after name and generally behaving inappropriately towards him, then no - I wouldn't like it. But a generally kind, decent, resposnsible adult telling my son off for doing something naughty/silly etc? No problem with it.

PPH, thank you so much and I didn't think you were critising me, in fact it was your post that made me question myself in a good way, so no need to apologise at all

My kids are so screwed I have said they are
Naught
Mean
unkind
Little Madams
Bullies
Nightmares
Real pain in the backsides
little devils
etc etc

I have also said they are
Fantastic
Clever
Beautiful
Brilliant
Great at drawing
Creative
Artistic
The best little girl in the world
Priness
etc etc

So will they grow up with horns or halo???

So

well then it's really a question of what we find appropriate, loveangel. i would be really pissed off if my pal called my dd a 'naughty girl', i really would. that's bang out of order for me.

lolllll I'm sorry T-Rex I don't mean to mock but 'bang out of order'? You see, you ARE middle class. So very very middle class. Which is cool, its...middle class normal-ness I suppose. I just find it bizarre.

'naught' is very strong, imo... oddly enough, pain in the backside is honest, iykwim? because it's your backside. i think saying 'stop doing that noisy thing, it's doing my head in' and things like that are perfectly reasonable.

great post, crunchie

Still splitting my sides

I can't believe how long this has been going on.

What naughty girls you are!

what's wrong with 'bang out of order'? that i don't want anyone insulting my child? honestly, that's got fuck all to do with class. my working class parents wouldn't have let you insult me.

Desiderata your name makes me hoot every time I read one of your posts. WTF did you chose it?

T-Rex I had a rather spirited discussion with my mother about calling my wee girl naughty.

{who are you btw?}

Because I go placidly amid the noise and haste ..

and totally agree with pain in backside, doing my head in all of which have been used by me.

but not bloody naughty it is a crap word. Would you call an adult naughty? Except in a bleugh way?

Aitch. and you are you, wedding garment woman? yeah, my mum has called dd that, which is a bit ridiculous cos she's only 17mths old... we negotiatied it down to 'daft' or 'silly'. i like daft myself.

Desiderata - you big liar

lol desiderata. carmenere, then, we need to know about that one too...