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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the word "naughty"

405 replies

speedymama · 29/05/2007 09:40

DTS are 3 yo and go to nursery. This weekend they chastised me and DH for using that word. They did something that I had asked them not to do and I told them to stop being naughty. DT1 retorted with "don't say naughty, I'm not naughty, you can't say naughty". So I responded with "well stop misbehaving then!"

I spoke to the nursery about this and they confirmed that they are not allowed to use the word naughty because it labels the child rather than the act. Now I'm all for positive parenting but there comes a time when you have to just tell how it is. I don't call my boys name but I do point out their bad behaviour and I also praise them when they are being good. In fact, I praise more than I chastise.

As a child, when my parents told me that I was being naughty, I took notice. Now my 3yo DTS read me the riot act. Well, I will not be dictated to by a toddler and if that makes me a dinosaur in terms of modern day parenting, so be it.

So am I a recalcitrant, anachronistic, old fashioned dinosaur who refuses to indulge the latest fads in parenting as dictated by a bunch of pinko liberal, arm wringing, bleeding heart busybodies?

OP posts:
Desiderata · 29/05/2007 21:14

Small point, though. They're children.

I wouldn't call a child an arsehole, but I've no problem calling an adult one.

ProjectIcarus · 29/05/2007 21:15

aha I thought as much(apron) and you wee dafty is quite popular here.

although dh has introduced "you wee nutter" whihc has lead to dd running about shouting "i'm a nutter, i'am a wee nutter"

ThomCat · 29/05/2007 21:15

Oh my God, class is coming into this now, pmsl.

And what class are you Loveangel?

Is 'bang out of order' really such a middle class thing to say, how very funny, when I say it in my head I hear it being said by someone with quite a cocknet accent, a bit Harry Enfield stylee.

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:17

oh LOLOLOL, have just realised that crunchie meant 'naughty' and not 'naught'. i was thinking fucksakes, telling you're kid they're a zero just cos you're pissed off with them is a bit harsh...

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 21:20

No no no not the phrase 'bang out of order' ...the fact that anyone could think being called a 'naughty girl/boy' is bang out of order. A comedy sketch in the making, surely? I just can't take it seriously. Sorry.

Desiderata · 29/05/2007 21:25

Couldn't agree more, LA.

Bolleaux.

What would you prefer? Your child saying, 'Mummy, so and so is being naughty,' or 'Mummy, so and so is doing my head in.'

ROFL.

kamikayzed · 29/05/2007 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThomCat · 29/05/2007 21:28

Loveangel _ thought you said bang out of order was middle class? "I'm sorry T-Rex I don't mean to mock but 'bang out of order'? You see, you ARE middle class" ????????

So, out of interest, Loveangel what class are you anyway?

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:29

again, i don't think you're sorry at all, but it's an interesting and disingenuous posting tic.
wrt being out of order... fine, didn't we get past this? you don't care if i insult your child and i would fucking rip your head off if you insulted mine.

Desiderata · 29/05/2007 21:30

And who on earth would want their head bitten off by a dinosaur?

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:31

rrraaaaaargh!

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:33

btw, MrsA, since when is an apron a wedding garment?

vixma · 29/05/2007 21:36

I worked for a nursery and I have a child too.I have too admit I used the term naughty until I worked at a very good nursery and was told this was a term they do not use for the same reason. I totally support it but mainly through how I saw how children where treated with such a good attitude, you have a good nursery there, plus I havent used the word since.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 21:40

Out of interest, how many people say "you are naughty" rather than "don't be naughty" or "stop being naughty" or "that's naughty" etc. They're rather different.

ThomCat · 29/05/2007 21:41

If Is aid it I'd say 'don't be naughty please' or 'that's naughty, please stop' something along those lines anyway.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 21:44

I bet no one says "you're naughty". The other phrases simply describe what the child is doing, not what they are and there is nothing whatsoever wrong with that.

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:47

that's exactly my point, soupy. i bet what's happened is that the nursery has tried to institute a policy of dealing with the behaviour, not the child and 'naughty' is a 'casualty' of that, iykwim? then speedy's kids will have been delighted to inform her of that when she used it.
but as it happens i think it's a pretty shit word.. if they're behaving in a disobedient manner then tell them so but naughty? it's a bit milly molly mandy.

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:48

actually, i also meant to say that i bet the children say 'you're naughty' to each other and the teachers come down on that behaviour.

ProjectIcarus · 29/05/2007 21:50

I was married as in Mrs and an apron is a covering garment no?

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:51

lol, i was thinking that would have been an interesting wedding to attend. the pressure would really have been off for the guests to get a nice outfit...

ProjectIcarus · 29/05/2007 21:53

hmmph

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 21:53

It's a word like any other (well, maybe not quite any other) and there's nothing wrong with it. Is it really any better to be describing your child('s behaviour) with "disobedient"? (which, incidentally, doesn't trip off the tongue as nicely as naughty).

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 21:55

Any other word would be perceived just as negatively once it has been used and all the connotations of "naughty" have attached to it. "Look, there's T-Rex, the one who's disobedient" [snigger]

handlemecarefully · 29/05/2007 21:58

"but not bloody naughty it is a crap word. Would you call an adult naughty? Except in a bleugh way?"

Well no I wouldn't call an adult 'naughty' because actually I find it quite a soft, indulgent word appropriate to children. If and adult behaves in an unnacceptable way I would probably call them something a lot stronger

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 21:58

well in a way i think the fact that it doesn't trip off the tongue is a good thing. and yes, i just don't like the word naughty. i didn't like being called it, i don't like my mum saying it to dd and if someone in charge of my dd's nursrey called her it i'd be livid. whereas you don't just jump to 'disobedient' do you? you'd kind of have to work up to it, offering them the chance to stop the offending behaviour, because that would be the source of the disobedienct, as it were. plus, i do remember being called that when i was a kid (by my dad, who i now realise never called us naughty despite being Working Class ) and it didn't feel like a long-lasting, stinging rebuke in the way that 'naughty' did. my mother, bless her, has a bad tongue in her head and she used to say things that hurt and being told 'you are a naughty girl' was one of them.