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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the word "naughty"

405 replies

speedymama · 29/05/2007 09:40

DTS are 3 yo and go to nursery. This weekend they chastised me and DH for using that word. They did something that I had asked them not to do and I told them to stop being naughty. DT1 retorted with "don't say naughty, I'm not naughty, you can't say naughty". So I responded with "well stop misbehaving then!"

I spoke to the nursery about this and they confirmed that they are not allowed to use the word naughty because it labels the child rather than the act. Now I'm all for positive parenting but there comes a time when you have to just tell how it is. I don't call my boys name but I do point out their bad behaviour and I also praise them when they are being good. In fact, I praise more than I chastise.

As a child, when my parents told me that I was being naughty, I took notice. Now my 3yo DTS read me the riot act. Well, I will not be dictated to by a toddler and if that makes me a dinosaur in terms of modern day parenting, so be it.

So am I a recalcitrant, anachronistic, old fashioned dinosaur who refuses to indulge the latest fads in parenting as dictated by a bunch of pinko liberal, arm wringing, bleeding heart busybodies?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 17:39

Oh FGS!

handlemecarefully · 29/05/2007 17:42

So where do you 'sit' on this debate Soupdragon out of curiousity?

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 17:44

That unless you are calling your child something along the lines of "a worthless piece of sh*t" and drumming it into them that they are a useless example of humanity then you're not going to damage them.

handlemecarefully · 29/05/2007 17:48

lol, I'm with you on that one!

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 17:54

I received the occasional smack as a child andI'm pretty damn sure I was referred to as "naughty" on manny an occasion ans was probably "made" to apoligise for stuff but I still turned into a well rounded individual (emotionally speaking, I'm not physically well rounded )

Twiglett · 29/05/2007 17:55

I'm with Soupy

off to read thread and OP now (have only read title and Soupy's post)

Twiglett · 29/05/2007 17:57

have now read OP and have to say can't be arsed reading thread but STILL AGREE WITH SOUPY

FioFio · 29/05/2007 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 17:59

It's sad when middle class mothers have so little left to obssess over that they have to invent this pile of poo to worry about. No child on God's sweet earth will ever grow up to tell their parents that being called 'a naughty boy ' was what triggered their failure to sustain intimate relationships/obssessive-compulsive-disorder/serial killer tendencies etc etc. Promise you.

JoolsToo · 29/05/2007 18:07

Twig - there is another thread linked further down - you're on that and I, I agree with you!

Twiglett · 29/05/2007 18:22

you see now Jools .. now I'm going to have to go through thread to find link .. and then I'm going to have to go through old thread to read what I put ..

hang on a few hours I'm going in

Mercy · 29/05/2007 18:32

I was hoping you'd turn on up here Twiglett!

Gobbledigook · 29/05/2007 18:33

And get this Twig, even I agreed with you!!

Gobbledigook · 29/05/2007 18:34

Is it worse to say, through gritted teeth - 'you are getting on my nerves'?

My poor boys

Twiglett · 29/05/2007 18:34

oh I was very sensible and eloquent on that thread wasn't I

GDG you always agree with me don't you?

Gobbledigook · 29/05/2007 18:34

Aye!

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 19:11

am hating this 'middle class' bullshit, loveangel, you're making a lot of assumptions. some people on here have been upfront about their own rather less than brilliant parents and if they want to think about the way they speak to their children then it's up to them.

SoupDragon · 29/05/2007 19:28

Saying "don't be naughty" is not going to scar them for life or cause negative thoughts/behaviour and it's not going to make you a less-than-brilliant parent.

Repeatedly screaming "you evil little sh*t", however, probably would.

There's a world of difference between telling a child off and effectively verbally/mentally abusing them. There's only one reason that people think saying a child is being naughty is, er, naughty and that's because some "expert" has told them so.

LoveAngel · 29/05/2007 19:44

Hate it all you like T-Rex, but my opinion is that this is really a horrendously self indulgent thread.

Naughty? NAUGHTY? There's thinking about how you raise your children... and then there is navel gazing of epic proportions.

(And it certainly doesn't follow that because I think this is a complete non-issue, I don't think about how I am bringing up my child)

noonar · 29/05/2007 19:53

ok, i much prefer words which DESCRIBE what is wrong with the behaviour eg 'that was a rough/ unkind/ unhelpful thing to do....please be more gentle/ help me tidy up instead of pouring the paint on the floor' etc etc

we talk alot about "hurting peoples' feelings " in my house, which dds aged 2 and 5 use to explain their own emotions too.

however, i do resort to 'naughty' with dd2 at times, out of shere frustration. but i actually really dislike the word. as it doesnt tell the child where they went wrong, does it?

i also hate the 'naughty step 'terminology, but that's another thread.

Pan · 29/05/2007 19:56

fgs....296 posts on the word 'naughty'.....slow day then.....

handlemecarefully · 29/05/2007 20:04

"Naughty? NAUGHTY? There's thinking about how you raise your children... and then there is navel gazing of epic proportions. "

PMSL - am loving that quote!

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 20:28

don't get your knickers in a twist, oh upper or working class loveangel. i think, and have always said, that the nursery is most likely to have told staff not to use the word naughty and to tell the children not to call each other naughty. which, for the record, i agree with. i don't want other people calling my child naughty. they can call her behaviour naughty, but i don't want any 'you naughty girl' stuff.

as it happens, there was a girl at my primary school who was known as the naughty one. her name was particia and she lived in a childrens' home and now that i look back i don't think she was naughty particularly, but she was often grubbier than the rest of us and a bit of a loner, so i now wonder how much what the teacher thought of her in advance and what we all knew of her fed into her behaviour. even if it didn't, the poor kid didn't need another label to add to all the other ones.

so it seems much more likely that the nursery has a policy (or even something less official) and the children aren't allowed to call each other names and that the OP's children have seized with great delight on her doing something 'wrong', that's all.

that led to an interesting discussion on what words might be more helpful and which ones less so. brilliant that soupy and anniemac etc were called naughty by their parents and lived to tell the tale, emotionally. i'm sure i was too.

but i don't want a nursery institutionalising an idea in my child, and it's not behaviour that sits right by me, ideally. i'm certain that when i've lost the rag with dd on the odd occasion i have called her naughty and it's been a helpful discussion today to make me stop and think the next time. and pmsl at the idea of there being no navel-gazing on MN, it's all navel-gazing... each of us should/could be off doing something far more productive than typing into a computer...

Pan · 29/05/2007 20:30

"each of us should/could be off doing something far more productive than typing into a computer....."

Really?? You make joke, surely??

TyrannosaurusRex · 29/05/2007 20:31

and i don't care if you all think i'm a dinosaur for saying it, etc etc etc. (please will someone laugh at my hilarious name-change/! )