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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset my sister bought her baby son a golliwog toy?

125 replies

MsOedipaMaas · 17/07/2018 12:44

My sister recently sent a picture of her and her baby son (my nephew to whom I'm godmother) - and in the picture he is holding a golliwog doll. I was horrified that he had the doll (which I consider to be racist and can't even believe she could find for sale anywhere) and immediately messaged her saying I didn't want to sound like I was telling her how to raise her son, but that the toy was unsuitable given its history and offensive caricature and that it was unfair to give a baby a toy that was so widely perceived to be a racist object. I also included a link to an online article that explained the history of the toy and why it is considered racist. My sister sent a message back saying she didn't realise the history and understands it's not a socially acceptable toy and that the toy would be a "stay at home" toy and not be called a golliwog but a different name. I still don't think this is the correct response – I don't believe that any toy that is unsuitable for a child to take out in public, shouldn't be given to a child in the first place, and I believe that it's sending the message that "socially unacceptable" views are okay to have at home, as long as you don't let others know. She says she bought the toy because my dad had a similar toy growing up in the 1950s (which he has kept and has in his study). My parents (the grandparents) think that it's fine for him to have a golliwog. Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to appear to be telling her how to raise her son (he is the first baby in the family) but I also don't feel like I can stand by in this particular case without saying anything..

OP posts:
Nousernameforme · 17/07/2018 13:59

It's racist and harps back to a time not long ago when casual racism was accepted in the mainstream. For a lot of people it's still there but they just cover it up.

Just the other day my mum came round and used the N word when talking about her tan in front of her grandchildren the oldest at 15 was horrified and certainly sees her in a new light now.

lynmilne65 · 17/07/2018 15:00

I loved my golly ☹️

KidLorneRoll · 17/07/2018 15:09

Obviously, they are horribly, horribly racist and if people don't understand why then that's just ignorance on their part.

However, you've said your piece and beyond that what else can you do?

Babdoc · 17/07/2018 15:21

This reply has been deleted

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gunnyBear · 17/07/2018 15:27

I think it's fantastic that not only have you been able to show her just how annoying and controlling you're likely to be (so she can avoid you in the future) but you've been able to tell all of us how wonderful you are.

As others said, 'virtue. signaled.'

bsbabas · 17/07/2018 15:35

I never thought golliwogs were black people when I was little I just thought it was a weird character. Childhood destroyed along with jim'll fix it and Rolf Harrison

CSIblonde · 17/07/2018 16:39

I can't understand why your sister thinks it's OK either OP. I can't believe they are still on sale. But even though you have explained why, I suppose it's her choice . The fact its a stay at home toy says she knows just how offensive it is, but doesn't care. Not sure that's an ethos I'd want a child to learn

Yes they were a brand 'thing'. My Grandma lived near the Robertsons jam factory in the 70's, so we had the golliwog badges once but weren't interested. When she produced a golliwog toy from some offer Robertsons did, for my sister, my parents werent impressed. I distinctly remember comments that you didn't see then anymore and that was a good thing. The toy got ignored, my sister was bit old for it/ didn't take to it thankfully.

BetsyBigNose · 17/07/2018 16:52

I wouldn't buy one for my child and I'd have had a word with my sister in the same way you did, but other than that, I don't think there's anything else you can do - apart from refer to them as a 'Golly' from now on, omitting the offensive ending to the name. My Mum has one (from the Robertson's Marmalade days) and I've insisted she never let my children play with it and that she never uses the full name in my (or my daughters') presence. YANBU, but I think you've done all you can, short of falling out with your sister over it, which seems a bit much! Good for you for standing up to her about it though.

OftenHangry · 17/07/2018 17:11

@FissionChips it just didn't make much sense to me when I googled. Now I get it.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 17:33

They are an old fashioned relic which should be completely confined to nostagia and antique shops, not reintroduced as toys.

WittyJack · 17/07/2018 18:43

Babdoc - nobody thinks you’re a “racist shit based on your choice of toys” many years ago. Let’s face it, it probably wasn’t even much of a choice, as they were most likely given to you.

But if you want to defend it now that you are presumably an educated adult; if you want to argue that they are just a charming relic and a beloved childhood memory; if you want to dismiss the many people pointing out why they are NOT ok; if you want to ignore the feelings of POC whose ancestors were mimicked in such a way - that’s when I think you’ll find people think you’re a “racist shit”.

sunshinesupermum · 17/07/2018 18:46

I had a golly as a child and loved it. Had no idea of its racist connotations. You've made your point to your sister and she wants her child to have it. End of.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/07/2018 18:48

Here we go. It had been a while since we last had one of these. Oh how cute they are! How can a doll possibly be racist! I wish I still had the one my grandmother gave me!

Until the next time..

CrispbuttyNo1 · 17/07/2018 18:50

I had a rag doll golly when I was a child (1970s) it was absolutely my favourite and he was called Edward.

I never once associated it with black people any more than my cuddly polar bear (Eric) or my rag doll with yellow plaits (Elizabeth), they were just my dolls and were in my bed every single night. As an only child I had many conversations with them.

I do understand that 40 years down the line times have changed and it would not be appropriate for a child to be seen with a golly.

Poloshot · 17/07/2018 18:58

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TwitterQueen1 · 17/07/2018 19:01

Well aren't you wonderful OP? I bet your DSIS is so glad she has you to keep her on the straight and narrow Hmm

I bought a golly doll about 3 or 4 years ago from a group of Black African women raising money for a girls school in Africa. I figured if they were happy to make and sell them I would happily buy one to help their fund-raising.

Bluelady · 17/07/2018 19:08

Interesting. It seems that white people are offended by gollies and black people aren't.

EggysMom · 17/07/2018 19:14

My son has two gollywogs, both bought in seaside towns. (And we're a white family!) To him they are fictional characters, no different to his giraffe with buttons on the belly, his white & green leapfrog dog,, his rainbow stripe horse.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 19:19

It seems that white people are offended by gollies and black people aren't.

Well, this isn't entirely true is it, some black people aren't bothered and have fond memories. Some white people aren't bothered and have fond memories.

Most (even the ones with fond memories) understand how it's a doll that mocks and exaggerates features of an ethnic group and can fully comprehend how it's offensive.

likeacrow · 17/07/2018 19:25

NRTFT but I did laugh a lot at the title of this thread. It immediately made me think of Maggie in Extras and her "golli... toy"

motortroll · 17/07/2018 19:27

@BetsyBigNose is right drop the last 3 letters whatever you think! It's just a golly!

My mum made my daughter an item with gollies on. I wasn't that happy but it's a big item that took weeks and I didn't realise that was what she was doing! I kept it but have explained to her (dd now 11) the history of them and the fact that they are not seen as acceptable any more and that grandma should just be saying golly which is the more acceptable term!

Prestonsflowers · 17/07/2018 19:28

@madja

not surprised that the gp think it’s ok, that generation usually do

That is a shocking generalisation by you.
I’m a grandparent and I would never buy my grandson a golliwog doll.
Fucking ageist comment
You’ll be telling me I’m senile next

Imhertwopennyprince · 17/07/2018 19:30

It's none of your business OP and personally I think you should've kept your thoughts to yourself.
You wouldn't buy one for your child (fair enough) but there's nothing more you can do as your sister wants her child to have the toy.
It's not like the child will know what the doll represents so the only worry would be what strangers think in public. She's said it'll be a toy just for home so that eliminates that issue

TacoLover · 17/07/2018 19:35

I think it's fantastic that not only have you been able to show her just how annoying and controlling you're likely to be

How is it annoying or controlling to tell someone about the deeply racist connotations of a toyConfused the sister has said that the would never take it out in public; which means she knows it is offensive, therefore she thinks it's fine to have a racist toy in the house as long as nobody else knows about itHmm I think it's fantastic that the OP now knows that her sister buys toys made for the specific purpose of mocking an entire ethnic group.

SalemBlackCat · 17/07/2018 19:56

I was given a golliwog by my mum in the 1980s because she wanted me to grow up playing with dolls from all races so I wouldn't be racist. She thought she was being progressive and broad-minded by not only giving me white dolls. However that was the '80s. We now know differently.

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