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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be upset my sister bought her baby son a golliwog toy?

125 replies

MsOedipaMaas · 17/07/2018 12:44

My sister recently sent a picture of her and her baby son (my nephew to whom I'm godmother) - and in the picture he is holding a golliwog doll. I was horrified that he had the doll (which I consider to be racist and can't even believe she could find for sale anywhere) and immediately messaged her saying I didn't want to sound like I was telling her how to raise her son, but that the toy was unsuitable given its history and offensive caricature and that it was unfair to give a baby a toy that was so widely perceived to be a racist object. I also included a link to an online article that explained the history of the toy and why it is considered racist. My sister sent a message back saying she didn't realise the history and understands it's not a socially acceptable toy and that the toy would be a "stay at home" toy and not be called a golliwog but a different name. I still don't think this is the correct response – I don't believe that any toy that is unsuitable for a child to take out in public, shouldn't be given to a child in the first place, and I believe that it's sending the message that "socially unacceptable" views are okay to have at home, as long as you don't let others know. She says she bought the toy because my dad had a similar toy growing up in the 1950s (which he has kept and has in his study). My parents (the grandparents) think that it's fine for him to have a golliwog. Am I being unreasonable? I don't want to appear to be telling her how to raise her son (he is the first baby in the family) but I also don't feel like I can stand by in this particular case without saying anything..

OP posts:
FissionChips · 17/07/2018 12:47

YANBU. I can’t believe anyone would give a child that thing in this day and age.

PortiaCastis · 17/07/2018 12:49

I thought shops were banned from selling such toys

Booboobooboo84 · 17/07/2018 12:50

Visit your sister. ‘Help’ the toy to go missing. Preferably into a furnace along with her shocking attitude to it.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 12:52

"I thought shops were banned from selling such toys"

You'd think so but seaside shop still sell them.

gamerchick · 17/07/2018 12:53

You're not the boss of her. You've said your bit and if it doesnt filter through then there's nothing you can do.

madja · 17/07/2018 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NewYearNewMe18 · 17/07/2018 12:53

There's never been a 'ban' on golliwogs. Urban myth and legend. Very much for sale in vintage style shops.

OP - this - She says she bought the toy because my dad had a similar toy growing up in the 1950s does not mean this - "socially unacceptable" views. it's a toy that represents the childs grandfather. you don't have to like it, it isn't you child.

You also said your dad still has his golly in his study - do you give him grief over keeping a childhood momento?

There are many things to get upset about in this world, and a doll isn't one of them.

ArnoldBee · 17/07/2018 12:55

I actually have fond childhood memories of my great grandparents golliwog and the Robertson jam badges we had. Those memories do stir up lovely images and reminders for me of a different time when life was simpler. That said I haven't bought these things for my children. There will be many things that you won't approve of your sister buying for her son over the years and I would have to question your sister's awareness of the world and how involved you are going to be in the future as im sure at some point this will cause problems.

DieAntword · 17/07/2018 12:55

I think gollywogs are cute. And honestly I think the attitude behind the gift is more important than the history.

borlottibeans · 17/07/2018 13:02

Buying a golliwog is surely an act of racist exhibitionism these days, like Tory MPs who have the flag of apartheid era South Africa on their mantelpiece. In the nicest possible way, has your sister been living on the moon?

MsOedipaMaas · 17/07/2018 13:05

@NewYearNewMe18 I've had numerous discussions and disagreements with my dad over his decision to keep the golliwog on display – which is also why I was so surprised to see that my sister had bought one for her son, as she is (I would have thought) aware of this, as the discussions have often been when she has been present.

My issue is that she understands enough about what the toy represents in terms of racism to say that it's a "stay at home toy" but not enough to not give him the toy in the first place. If you're not happy to have a child play with a toy in front of others, then surely it's not an appropriate toy? A golliwog is a toy from a different era that I don't believe is suitable in any way for children today – regardless of any nostalgic associations.

OP posts:
Seasawride · 17/07/2018 13:10

Honesty op it’s not your business really. I mean it’s not my cup of tea but my best friend brought her kids toy machine guns, far worse in my opinion.

My mum and dad have the following band on display from the Robinson jam days. My gran brought them and it reminds me of her. I wouldn’t dream of telling them to put them away.

I think there’s a bit of virtue signalling in your post sorry.

SugarIsAmazing · 17/07/2018 13:14

I had loads of golliwogs when I was young and I'm sure they ended up in my children's toy box.
They're just toys.

OftenHangry · 17/07/2018 13:15

Can you guys tell me why is the doll perceived as racist? Not local so haven't an idea. Honestly.

commonarewe · 17/07/2018 13:20

Virtue. Signalled.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 13:21

It's a Pickaninny / blackface doll.
And 'wog' is a racists slur in the UK.
duckduckgo.com/?q=golly+wog&t=fpas&ia=images&iax=images

madja · 17/07/2018 13:21

Well, its called a golli'wog' for a start. A not complimentary name for a person of colour. Never mind it's appearance.

Racecardriver · 17/07/2018 13:22

I don't see anything wrong with teaching a child that you don't have to believe what everyone else does so long as you are sensitive to mainstream views in your public life (for your own good). My parents were raised in the soviet union. This is how everyone lived. That is how they survived while maintaining their humanity. I absolutely will be reaching my children to be polite and discrete in public but to have whatever thoughts they want in private. It's sensible not to take golliwogs out in public given the connotations but in your private life you don't have to use golliwogs to mock poc or indeed seem them as anything beyond a vintage toy.

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 13:22

And the connection to jam is because a gollywog was used as the mascot well into the 2000's for a well known brand.

FissionChips · 17/07/2018 13:24

Are you unable to use google OftenHangry?

CaptainKirkssparetupee · 17/07/2018 13:26

In the interest of fairness they were also a well loved toy of many non-white people growing up in the 50's 60's and 70's too.

Seasawride · 17/07/2018 13:26

‘Look for the golly the golly on the jar! Very popular tv advert back in the day.

In central Birmingham there is a garage staffed by black men with the slogan up above the door,

‘We don’t put jam in jars we put exhausts on cars’ makes me smile

whingeyarse · 17/07/2018 13:32

WTF?? It's OK to be racist in private as long as you don't do it in public???

erm, NO IT'S NOT!

SilverySurfer · 17/07/2018 13:32

I had a Golly in the 50s and was an avid collector of Robertson's Golly badges. Times change and I would not consider buying one for a child today.

However, I agree with Seasawride and commonarewe that you're virtue signalling and it's up to your Sister what she does or doesn't give to her own child.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 17/07/2018 13:41

They're not plentiful but have seen some knitted ones for sale marked as "golly dolls".
Fond as I was of mine decade's ago, I won't be buying one for my grandchild, as and when.