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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about school mum and my kids

164 replies

upsideup · 17/07/2018 12:23

I'm pregnant and my DH is away so I'm not sure if I'm being excessively paranoid and overprotective of my kids or if I should be thinking this mum is a possible danger to them.

She has two kids in the same primary as mine, one of hers does gymnastics with DS, I've never really spoken to her before and our kids have never been close but a couple of weeks ago she started making a real effort with me and my kids, she seemed really nice at first but quite full on. Even when we've met without the kids its always about them and mostly mine, she doesn't seem to be interested in talking about herself or about me. Lots of questions about their hobbies, their middle names etc, nothing I had any reason not to answer but just questions that friends who have known my kids forever wouldn't know the answer to or care enough to ask.

Then last week she tried to take our kids home from school, no one asked her to do and DD1 was stood just round the corner with our dog to pick them up, her excuse was that she couldn't see us anywhere and didn't want them to be left on their own and that she hoped we would do the same if it was her kids. I let it go and hoped that she was just trying to be nice and that she wouldn't actually have taken them without talking to the school or ringing us but it made me really uncomfortable, our kids don't get on that well and we don't either so I just stopped making any effort with her.

She hasn't stopped though, on sports day she was cheering my kids on more than I was (well I wasn't at all, I was just watching). DD2 asked me to come with her to the toilet, she jumped in and said mum can stay here and I'll take you, weird but maybe she was trying to be helpful, needed to go anyway and didn't want me to have to get up. DD did well in a competition she was at last week which DH posted about on his private instagram and she stole the photos and videos with DH's caption on and did her own public post on facebook about how proud she is of her friends dd, it took about a day of me asking for her to delete it untill she finally did and then she started saying how I should be more proud and dd deserves better.

Today dd1(22) took the kids to school and shes sent me a really long and dramatic message about how she doesnt like the way she acts around the kids (her half siblings), theres been lots of little comments over the last few weeks suggesting that she doesnt like DD1 but today saying she acts like their mum and that even though she doesnt like me anymore, she thinks its disrespectful and that I have a right to know and shes happy to pick them up or start taking them to school if I can't. Shes also saying how she loves my kids and would hate to lose her relationship with them because of our relationship, they dont have a relationship with her.

I know I can prevent her being near them over the summer but but next year she will be at school every morning and evening as well as at every school events, she will be at DS's gymnastics club every week and I'm really scared
So, AIBU to be concerned by all this? I'm really considering talking to the school and the gym and asking that she be kept away from them but that seems so over the top, reading through all the things shes done they do seem weird but also on there own to some one else they could just seem like shes trying to be nice.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 17/07/2018 15:33

Disengage with her.
Get your dh to tighten up access to his private Instagram account.
Warn the school.
Speak to your younger children - they need to know never to go with her in any circumstances.
Speak to your older dd - if she's collecting them she needs to be right there at the door, not round the corner with the dog.

This lady sounds obsessional. Hopefully, if you lay low, this will pass. If it escalates then ask the police for advice.

cutitout · 17/07/2018 15:35

Well she does have your husband's number now that he has called her. I would also raise this with police as a safeguarding thing. She is batshit crazy.

titchy · 17/07/2018 15:43

Text her directly and tell her under no circumstances is she to ever pick your children up from school and she is not to consider her self as having any sort of relationship with them.

Seriously I think you need to be very blunt - after all she has been with you.

PoisonousSmurf · 17/07/2018 15:50

Why does she want to 'bring your children home'. Does she know where you live? Shock
Or is she trying to find out? I'd be looking in my rear view mirror regularly from now on in case she follows you back.
Scary!

eddielizzard · 17/07/2018 16:06

So weird. And inappropriate.

BlooperReel · 17/07/2018 16:07

If this was a male acting in the same way the police would have been involved by now.

Report her and do not underestimate how dangerous she could be just because she is female.

LilQueenie · 17/07/2018 16:11

What BlooperReel said. A local woman made news when she groomed her own granddaughter. Sad

Please report to the school and the police asap.

Blatherskite · 17/07/2018 16:11

I think the thing to do now would be to reply to her text with a very blunt "You are never to collect my children from anywhere or take them anywhere". Make it absolutely clear so that there is no chance for confusion. If this becomes a police matter, they'd ask you if you'd ever made this clear.

3luckystars · 17/07/2018 16:17

Just text her ‘nobody is allowed to pick up my children from school ever, only family. The school are aware of this, so don’t ask again’

Keep away from her and ignore her completely, who cares what she thinks of you. Great if she hates you, cut her off completely.

Honestlyhelpful · 17/07/2018 16:18

Not rtft but the first thing I wondered was whether she was or wanted to be the OW. It sounds weird though and I’d be freaked out too

ravenmum · 17/07/2018 16:22

I'd wonder if she's a massive attention seeking drama queen and has decided your kids need "rescuing" (e.g. as you supposedly neglect them or something) and she's going to be the hero.

squeaver · 17/07/2018 16:22

Does she have any other 'friends'? Is there anyone you could compare notes with?

In the meantime, just be blunt.

It sounds like she either has a mental illness or a drug/alcohol problem.

SilverDoe · 17/07/2018 16:31

Good luck OP, this post scared me. The thought of someone trying to pick my children up really raises my hackles; I hope you’re okay and that the school take this seriously.

NeedSomeTimeInTheSunshiiine · 17/07/2018 16:46

Did she give you any further clarification as to why she doesn't like you?
Who would text someone this often, with offers of 'help' if they readily admit to not liking them?!

RachelfromFriends · 17/07/2018 17:13

Blooper has already said it but she's acting like a paedophile and fixated on the children

21jumpstreet · 17/07/2018 17:23

You don’t need to talk to anyone apart from her. Tell her to back off, you aren’t friends and she doesn’t need to comment to you any further about her opinions. Man up and deal with it. The school should have a list of people that are allowed to pick the children up so as long as she’s not on that then no problems. Deal with it, delete and block and move on.

BatShitBuns · 17/07/2018 17:23

OMG she's mad

Text her something extremely clear:

"I do not want you to collect my children from school under any circumstances. I am finding your behaviour extremely odd and it has completely overstepped my boundaries. Please do not interact with DS1 and DD2 - they have no relationship with you. Thank you."

Lostbeyondwords · 17/07/2018 17:23

Wow, after everything you've said (Well even the first post tbf) I'd be quite worried. What a weirdo.

I think I'd even call 101 for advice tbh, I can't remember if that's an accepted mn thing, "logging it" But if its something that's possible I'd do it, and tell the school and the gym and tell the kids to never ever go with her under any circumstances.

What a scarily obsessed woman.

Maelstrop · 17/07/2018 17:39

Also had a weird one with my horse. She was overly friendly, wanted to pat the horse, fair enough, but he doesn’t like strangers touching him. She tried to muscle in on a vet consult then stood an inch away from me during a chat with the farrier. I had to ask her to move. Then one day I was told she had got my horse out of his box to groom him! That’s very poor etiquette and just not done. I was raging at her and had to tell her to keep the fuck away from my boy. So weird.

angieloumc · 17/07/2018 17:40

Sugarisamazing yes because all women who have either lost a child or loved a child who died behave in this way! What a bizarre thing to say.
OP you really do need to let School know now and anywhere else your children may attend. Definitely not normal behaviour.

BlankTimes · 17/07/2018 17:41

Keep a record of everything she's said, written on social media, texted and your responses. Also make a note of note any verbal interactions.

It is sometimes difficult to convince other people that someone is a problem when citing a few of their odd behaviours, but I think you have enough evidence already. I'd ask to see the school's Safeguarding officer and show them what she's doing.

I'd also ring the police on 101, give them a precis of her actions and mention that she seems fixated on taking your children from school, then ask for their advice.

JamPasty · 17/07/2018 17:41

I'd be going to the police about this - she is way over the line into massively inappropriate behaviour.

PotteryLady · 17/07/2018 18:42

I'm not one for being dramatic but this is very concerning and I would have already spoke to school and police.

Kittykat93 · 17/07/2018 19:30

Jesus Christ that's frightening. Please send her a very blunt and strong worded message (some good examples given here!!). She needs to back off now or you'll have to involve the police.

SnotGoblin · 17/07/2018 20:23

It initially read like she thinks you don’t give your kids enough attention; cheering for them at sports day because you weren’t alongside the suggestion you should be more proud re posting the video along with wanting to take them home from school because she thought you’d forgotten them etc. All very odd.

I don’t have any advice for you but the situation sounds properly distressing.