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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about school mum and my kids

164 replies

upsideup · 17/07/2018 12:23

I'm pregnant and my DH is away so I'm not sure if I'm being excessively paranoid and overprotective of my kids or if I should be thinking this mum is a possible danger to them.

She has two kids in the same primary as mine, one of hers does gymnastics with DS, I've never really spoken to her before and our kids have never been close but a couple of weeks ago she started making a real effort with me and my kids, she seemed really nice at first but quite full on. Even when we've met without the kids its always about them and mostly mine, she doesn't seem to be interested in talking about herself or about me. Lots of questions about their hobbies, their middle names etc, nothing I had any reason not to answer but just questions that friends who have known my kids forever wouldn't know the answer to or care enough to ask.

Then last week she tried to take our kids home from school, no one asked her to do and DD1 was stood just round the corner with our dog to pick them up, her excuse was that she couldn't see us anywhere and didn't want them to be left on their own and that she hoped we would do the same if it was her kids. I let it go and hoped that she was just trying to be nice and that she wouldn't actually have taken them without talking to the school or ringing us but it made me really uncomfortable, our kids don't get on that well and we don't either so I just stopped making any effort with her.

She hasn't stopped though, on sports day she was cheering my kids on more than I was (well I wasn't at all, I was just watching). DD2 asked me to come with her to the toilet, she jumped in and said mum can stay here and I'll take you, weird but maybe she was trying to be helpful, needed to go anyway and didn't want me to have to get up. DD did well in a competition she was at last week which DH posted about on his private instagram and she stole the photos and videos with DH's caption on and did her own public post on facebook about how proud she is of her friends dd, it took about a day of me asking for her to delete it untill she finally did and then she started saying how I should be more proud and dd deserves better.

Today dd1(22) took the kids to school and shes sent me a really long and dramatic message about how she doesnt like the way she acts around the kids (her half siblings), theres been lots of little comments over the last few weeks suggesting that she doesnt like DD1 but today saying she acts like their mum and that even though she doesnt like me anymore, she thinks its disrespectful and that I have a right to know and shes happy to pick them up or start taking them to school if I can't. Shes also saying how she loves my kids and would hate to lose her relationship with them because of our relationship, they dont have a relationship with her.

I know I can prevent her being near them over the summer but but next year she will be at school every morning and evening as well as at every school events, she will be at DS's gymnastics club every week and I'm really scared
So, AIBU to be concerned by all this? I'm really considering talking to the school and the gym and asking that she be kept away from them but that seems so over the top, reading through all the things shes done they do seem weird but also on there own to some one else they could just seem like shes trying to be nice.

OP posts:
SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2018 14:21

*pic-nic, not pic-nice

KC225 · 17/07/2018 14:22

How odd. I too thought you were over reacting. I thought maybe she misjudged and thought you were her new best friend. Perhaps she saw you as pregnant with husband away as in need of her helping hand. Her asking about the kids, could have been a 'we have kids in common' thing. Then it got weird with her posting pictures of your kids, saying I don't like you anymore - why doesn't she like you anymore? And those comments about your daughter but still wanting a relationship with them when there was none is bizarre.

In your post you say you didn't know her very well. Is she poular at the school gate? Somebody must know her. This can't have come out of no where. It's very strange.

Original poster
upsideup · 17/07/2018 14:33

I have spoken to the kids and will speak to the school and gym
I think the affair with my DH is incredibly unlikely, I have no reason to think that at all. He accepted her instagram request a few weeks ago when we were kind of friends I knew about this, he immediately blocked her when he found out he was using photos of dd and got her number of me to tell her they need to be removed, that was the first time he was really involved.
She doesnt seem interetsed in him, its all about DS1 and DD2.

OP posts:
Beaverhausen · 17/07/2018 14:36

You are not paranoid at all, I would definately with the new school term ask them that this woman does not come near your children and ensure that only yourselves or DD1 can collect and drop them off.

Might also be an idea to ask her to kindly refrain from approaching your children or attempting to collect them from school and that stealing your childrens photos from instagram is something that you can go to the police about.

You are just going to have to put your foot down, also speak to the school it might not be the first time she has done something like this.

DearMrDilkington · 17/07/2018 14:36

Does she have any family close by? She's speaking about your dc as if she's their relative, it's like she's trying to "adopt" them as family members.

She doesn't sound well. Does she have a partner?

Tinkobell · 17/07/2018 14:40

Sounds like the summer break couldn't come soon enough for you!!! Trust your instincts 100% on this. IMO each incident sounds trivial but put together I agree it's disturbing.
Make a little plan. Tighten ranks with your DD1 and avoid contact in September completely. Drop a note to school, under no circumstance is anyone other than you or DD1 to collect your children. Arrive a bit late to gym each week so you can avoid sitting near her....then have something you MUST dash off to afterwards. Avoid avoid avoid. After a month hopefully she'll be out of your hair. Explore other gym clubs maybe?

WomanInBoots · 17/07/2018 14:51

Jesus. That's scary. I'm not a parent so I dont really know how the whole thing goes, it might be normal to take an interest and help out with your kids friends etc but I really don't think you're being paranoid. Listen to that uncomfortable gut feeling, it's probably not wrong.

Not the same but I've had someone get like this with my horses, it escalated to them letting my horses out of their field "by accident" (after I had told them to back off!) and we ended up moving yards to get away. Not the same as kids obviously but there will be parallels. Get the school and gym informed and reduce contact to as close to zero as possible and brace yourself for a bit of a backlash. Make sure your kids know to not believe her if she says they need to go with her!

ittakes2 · 17/07/2018 14:55

I would speak to the school and raise your concerns. Does your hubby know her?

papayasareyum · 17/07/2018 14:58

my thankfully limited experience with people like this, has showed me that the only workable solution is being blunt to the point of rudeness. They don’t understand subtlety or gently hints. You have to be very direct and keep repeating like a stuck record. When a friend had a similar situation, she had an arrangement with the school to collect the children from the school office. She didn’t step foot into the playground. Perhaps you could do something like this to avoid this woman? She sounds unwell. You need to be direct and distance yourself. She’s probably got form for this sort of thing too. The woman I had an issue with had a long history of very odd behaviour.

Cantstopworryingaboutit · 17/07/2018 14:58

This is scary! Are you able to ask her directly why she's so interested in them?

Original poster
upsideup · 17/07/2018 14:59

I've Just had another message from her asking if I need her to pick up my kids today then! Despite me telling her very clearly that we have it sorted,DD1 will be there on time and I'm not concerend the kids would go with her anyway but she definately really wants to pick them up.
I definately will talk to the school tomorrow, gym on thursday when we go.

OP posts:
MonkeySlutIsBlown · 17/07/2018 15:00

Speak to the school, and try to get them to hold a meeting with you and the other mum where you can tell her it's unacceptable for her to try and kidnap your children from the school and post private pictures of your children on social media without your consent. Make it clear that police will be contacted if she carries on stalking your children. Write everything down in as much detail as possible in case you do need to show the school or the police.

A 'if you can't make the school run one day, just give me a text and I'll drop them to you' is helping out, saying 'oh I heard about your child's achievement, you must be proud' is being a nice and sociable person. Trying to take your children from school while knowing full well she hasn't and would never be asked to collect them is fucked up, and so it taking a private picture of your child to post on her own social media. Keep well away from her OP, but try not to take it out on the child. Let your children know it's okay for them to play at school but play dates and sleepovers won't be happening.

Original poster
upsideup · 17/07/2018 15:03

She has no partner but her kids dad is really involved, I've never met him or know anything about him though.
I've told her that she never needs to pick up or talk to my kids, that our children may develop their own friendship if they want to but its nothing to do with her, she has no relationship my children.

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 17/07/2018 15:05

At first I was thinking she’s noticed you’re pregnant and has gone overboard with trying to be helpful. But it just got weirder and weirder, I have no idea what her game is but I absolutely echo what other posters have said to make school and gymnastics aware ASAP. I wouldn’t block her number if mute it so if she contacts you there’s a log.

ohtheholidays · 17/07/2018 15:06

I'm glad your going to speak to the school and the Gym,make sure you do it as soon as possible and never ever let her take on of your DC to the toilet again!

She is either not well or she's not a good person either way your only job is to keep your DC safe,if she doesn't back of after you've got the school and gym involved then you'll have to involve the Police,stealing pictures and videos of your DC online is not normal in any way shape or form!

Tinkobell · 17/07/2018 15:09

OP - send a text back
"Thank you for your kind offer. After our discussion, this is getting a bit much xxxx. I'd appreciate if we could cool things. Have a great summer"

Original poster
upsideup · 17/07/2018 15:11

I didnt let her take my DC to the toilet, I took them.

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 17/07/2018 15:12

Tinko- I think that’s too nice!

LilQueenie · 17/07/2018 15:12

Ask how she managed to access your dh's private instagram

Benandhollysmum · 17/07/2018 15:13

Yes that’s very strange, why all this interest in your kids? Go on guy she’s strange, that’s ok to walk your kids home if you’d actually given permission but to just take them oofta.. she’s either crazy or she’s after something
Ask other parents about her just bring her up in convo see what they say..either way stay the hell away from her..

cantthinkofanythingwitty · 17/07/2018 15:15

OP has explained re instagram above queenie

Tinkobell · 17/07/2018 15:16

Look, if you're genuinely fearful (and I think I would be) get your DH to call her and make it clear - no more contact and we have logged this with the police - you're showing too much interest in our kids, it goes beyond normal friendship.

MycatsaPirate · 17/07/2018 15:20

That is incredibly bizarre behaviour by her.

I can't think of any reason why she would be doing this unless she wants your kids. But she has kids of her own. Just really weird.

hungryhippo90 · 17/07/2018 15:23

She’s mental. When I clicked on the post I thought she’s probably a bit socially awkward, but she reads like she’s off her trolley.

SleepWarrior · 17/07/2018 15:24

Yikes.

She sounds jealous when she talks about seeing your DD1 with your younger kids.

You need to be clear as crystal: "No, you do not have permission to bring my children home and I have let the school know this too."

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