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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about school mum and my kids

164 replies

upsideup · 17/07/2018 12:23

I'm pregnant and my DH is away so I'm not sure if I'm being excessively paranoid and overprotective of my kids or if I should be thinking this mum is a possible danger to them.

She has two kids in the same primary as mine, one of hers does gymnastics with DS, I've never really spoken to her before and our kids have never been close but a couple of weeks ago she started making a real effort with me and my kids, she seemed really nice at first but quite full on. Even when we've met without the kids its always about them and mostly mine, she doesn't seem to be interested in talking about herself or about me. Lots of questions about their hobbies, their middle names etc, nothing I had any reason not to answer but just questions that friends who have known my kids forever wouldn't know the answer to or care enough to ask.

Then last week she tried to take our kids home from school, no one asked her to do and DD1 was stood just round the corner with our dog to pick them up, her excuse was that she couldn't see us anywhere and didn't want them to be left on their own and that she hoped we would do the same if it was her kids. I let it go and hoped that she was just trying to be nice and that she wouldn't actually have taken them without talking to the school or ringing us but it made me really uncomfortable, our kids don't get on that well and we don't either so I just stopped making any effort with her.

She hasn't stopped though, on sports day she was cheering my kids on more than I was (well I wasn't at all, I was just watching). DD2 asked me to come with her to the toilet, she jumped in and said mum can stay here and I'll take you, weird but maybe she was trying to be helpful, needed to go anyway and didn't want me to have to get up. DD did well in a competition she was at last week which DH posted about on his private instagram and she stole the photos and videos with DH's caption on and did her own public post on facebook about how proud she is of her friends dd, it took about a day of me asking for her to delete it untill she finally did and then she started saying how I should be more proud and dd deserves better.

Today dd1(22) took the kids to school and shes sent me a really long and dramatic message about how she doesnt like the way she acts around the kids (her half siblings), theres been lots of little comments over the last few weeks suggesting that she doesnt like DD1 but today saying she acts like their mum and that even though she doesnt like me anymore, she thinks its disrespectful and that I have a right to know and shes happy to pick them up or start taking them to school if I can't. Shes also saying how she loves my kids and would hate to lose her relationship with them because of our relationship, they dont have a relationship with her.

I know I can prevent her being near them over the summer but but next year she will be at school every morning and evening as well as at every school events, she will be at DS's gymnastics club every week and I'm really scared
So, AIBU to be concerned by all this? I'm really considering talking to the school and the gym and asking that she be kept away from them but that seems so over the top, reading through all the things shes done they do seem weird but also on there own to some one else they could just seem like shes trying to be nice.

OP posts:
itchyknees · 17/07/2018 13:30

Wow! Another vote for “the gift of fear”.

CrabbityRabbit · 17/07/2018 13:31

Bonkers. Trust your instincts.

Guardianreaderformysins · 17/07/2018 13:31

I was thinking you were overreacting right up until the posting video online and being awful to your daughter. That's where my line would be totally crossed.

Any normal person would just apologise and remove the video.

I would have a quiet word with school and gym to say she has crossed a few boundaries and you think she is harmless but could they just be aware. Then you aren't creating a big drama but just making them aware.

Quizeerascal · 17/07/2018 13:32

Unless your dc have already broken up for the Summer holidays then you need to contact to the school asap. Send details in writing of the names of the only people allowed to collect your dc, explain this woman's actions, raise it as a safeguarding issue and ask to speak face to face with a senior member of staff.

Piffle11 · 17/07/2018 13:32

Definitely tell the school and the gym: you need to make sure she is nowhere near your kids AT ALL. Please taken @YouDancin 's advice: your DC need to be told not to go with this woman. This is not normal behaviour: she clearly has issues and under no circumstances must she be allowed to even talk to them again. Tell her straight.

itchyknees · 17/07/2018 13:33

It’s the “even though I don’t like you” bit that’s scared me. Because if she doesn’t like you then she’s given herself a reason to behave badly towards you and can start justifying increasingly odd behaviour.

Does she struggle socially generally, or is it just around you and your kids?

LilQueenie · 17/07/2018 13:34

Speak to the school asap and tell your children not to go with her under any circumstances. At first I thought she was maybe trying to make a friend and had difficulty in social settings hence how full on but by the end of it no way.

Aeroflotgirl · 17/07/2018 13:35

Wow she sounds weird and obessed. I would tell her to stay away from me and my kids, and inform the school. Delete and block her. Tell your kids not to go with anyone but you or dd1.

mamaslatts · 17/07/2018 13:35

Definitely speak to gym and school and put it in writing - you don't have to go into the reasons why if you think it would sound daft. I might also text her something along the lines as 'as we are not friends you need to stay away from my children. You do not have a relationship with them.'

My father had something similar happen as a child, some local children kept coming round, staring, not saying much, turned out they were his half siblings (he found this out as an adult). I'm sure this is probably something different!

Ariclock · 17/07/2018 13:40

I think that she probably has mental health issues and possibly has a thing for your husband as well. I would definitely inform the school as she might try and take them home again. Speak to your children and tell them that they are not to go anywhere with this woman regardless of what she tell them. Warn your dd1 too and speak to your husband to see if there's a connection between him and the lady. Red flags are all over the place here, don't ignore them.

Clutterbugsmum · 17/07/2018 13:41

Teach your children a 'safe' word that only you and they know, have different 'safe' words for them with dd1 and your DH. Let them know if ever you asked someone to pick them up you will have the 'safe' word in the conversation with them.

Let the school and gymnastic class teacher to know that she is never to pick up your children.

Starlight345 · 17/07/2018 13:41

Why doesn’t she like you anymore ?

I would remove and block her on your social media or actually I might simply restrict her on my fb so I could see if she is posting anything bizarre .
Yes talk to school , your children and gym.

What is your dh saying ?

Seafoodeatit · 17/07/2018 13:44

If your dh's Instagram isn't private then this is a good time to do so, if she's a friend then a good time to block her.

she sounds very disturbing, I would do as others have suggested and make the school and clubs aware, hopefully she backs away, she sounds frightening.

craxmum · 17/07/2018 13:44

I had a similar weird thing going on with someone who was in a long-standing professional relationship with me (think a doctor or a solicitor). Suddenly, she got too involved with my family (like turning to the kids sports day without invitation or notice), then acting super insulted when I gently asked her to back off.
Lost contact with her for almost a year, then had to go and collect some papers from her (she closed her practice by that time, so I had to go to her house) and she tried to kiss me. Just bizarre.

Snowysky20009 · 17/07/2018 13:48

Wow that's really strange and more importantly worrying. You are not over reacting at all. Follow your instinct.

PoisonousSmurf · 17/07/2018 13:49

Hope she doesn't find out where you live! What a freak of a woman she is!
You could contact the police and see if she has any child protection warnings/history? I'd be taking out a court order on her for her to keep her distance.
Do any of the other mums at school know what she's like? Have they had problems with her?

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 17/07/2018 13:52

My DS1 probably acts like DD2 and DS2's dad when he's the responsible adult, in that he tells them off if they fight or muck about near the road, that's why he's there. This woman sounds deranged.

Buddyelf · 17/07/2018 13:53

trust your instincts, your spidey senses are tingling - don't ignore them. Distance yourself from her and as pp have said speak to school and gym now and make sure they know that under no circumstances is she to take your children and I would even explain the other bits about whats she said about having a relationship with your dc etc make sure they school know whats going on

Buddyelf · 17/07/2018 13:54

so many spelling mistakes sorry!

auntyflonono · 17/07/2018 13:58

Don't wait until September, write now. Also keep everything, just in case you need it next term.

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 17/07/2018 13:59

I used to know a mum not quite as bad as this, thank fuck she's moved her DD to a different school, one day she was trying to persuade DD to go to the playscheme after school because she wouldn't let her DD play with anyone else, when I said a firm no, she said to DD "your mummy's a meanie" and hugged her, DD just went rigid. In the end I lied and said we were going away that night. DD liked to take a packed supper to the playscheme and I obviously hadn't made her one, also it was a Friday and she was knackered.

Peterrabbitscarrots · 17/07/2018 14:01

Firstly, speak to the school/gymnastics club to ensure they know your concerns about this woman and that is is not to collect your DC under any circumstamces.

Next, I’d want to ask your DH why she has access to his Instagram.

LilQueenie · 17/07/2018 14:12

Have you spoken to your DH? I get the feeling they must know each other otherwise how could she have got hold of pictures on his private instagram?

PoisonousSmurf · 17/07/2018 14:17

As others have hinted. Does your DH know her and is SHE trying to gaslight you?
Bunny Boiler woman comes to mind...

SchadenfreudePersonified · 17/07/2018 14:18

'Even though I don't like you anymore'.

How old is she? Eight?

SHe's definitely more than one sandwich short of a pic-nice. Do as an earlier poster suggested, and tell your children NOT to go with her under any circumstances.

She's barking!