To be angry at my sister over text sent to our DF

[Icarriedawatermelon01]

Today is our DF birthday. I've been away with parents and my DS this weekend. Me and DM put up banners and watched him open cards. He didn't have a card from my Dsis. He received a text from her saying "happy birthday dad, I haven't got you anything yet as you're really hard to buy for". I stood in disbelief she had said this. He was really upset but made out he was ok. Later my DM told me he said I wouldn't have minded if I just had a voucher or even just a card. It's the thought. I feel really sorry for him. I've tried to make a fuss for him today.
My DM text Dsis and said it would have been nice if you just got him a card. Her reply was well he shouldn't be so tough to buy for then, pretty much blaming DF.
I haven't said anything to her and stayed out of it but AIBU to think she's out or order?
For context she was invited along to this weekend away but she declined.

Your relationship with your df is not the same as your sister's.

Perhaps she's coming from a position of being hurt in the past by his reaction to presents?

Clutching at straws but is there any possibility that she is really skint and embarrassed about it.

Banners?

Was it a big birthday?
And if he was showing that he was ok, then how would you know he was upset?!

I find his reaction a little strange, a grown man upset over no presents. My DP is a bit like this, been moaning about what he's potentially getting from his daughters for his 50th and questioning them both. I find it a little cringey, told him he should be grateful for whatever he gets

OK you’re the better daughter, is that what you want to hear?

Ffs it’s not a competition. If that was my sister I would be asking her if everything is alright, did she have money issues etc. Unless she does this every year, in which case, what did you expect?

It's between her and him, stay out of it. Some people are better at birthdays than others. I don't compare with my siblings or with my children. At least she text him to wish him happy birthday.

Does he get her thoughtful gifts?

Obviously I don't know the ins and outs but my Dad is horrendously difficult to buy for so I have pretty much given up. It's so stressful and disheartening when you try to put thought into a gift and the recipient doesn't give a shit (in my case he only wants overly expensive hobby gear I can't afford).

He has always been thankful for presents. She isn't skint. I'm way more skint than her and I didn't get him much but at least it was something and he was grateful. She does have form for this type of thing. It's beginning to annoy me as our parents do a lot for me and her. So I don't think a simple present is much to ask of her.

He wasn't openly upset just went a bit quiet. It was the gift he was upset about it was the thought so my DM said.
No this isn't a competition between me and her. It's just the lack of thought that she's had. My parents are generous with gifts to me and her. And they help us both. So as I said before a little thought wouldn't hurt.

It wasn't the gift*

I can see why you're annoyed but I would stay out of it - it's their situation to resolve if they want to. Just carry on making a fuss over your dad as you have and if his feelings are hurt by your sister he can raise that with her, or accept it - it's his decision either way.

My Dad is ridiculously hard to buy for and honestly wouldn't care if he got no presents. But I am sure he would be upset if he didn't even receive a card as it suggests a lack of thought.

Cards are easy to buy, even for people who are difficult to buy presents for.

I'm surprised by everyone's responses to be honest. I think she is unreasonable and should have gotten a card at least, there's not really an excuse for that.

You can get them for a matter of pence now if it is to do with money problems and a card with a really thoughtful wrote out message would have been much nicer than an impersonal text.

If she is close enough to wish him a happy birthday via text then a card should be the minimum.

You know what, I just ask people what they want.

Banners etc for a grown up seems a bit ott to me. I’d just text my dad and drop a present and card (small - under a tenner) over the closest time I saw him to his birthday.

Maybe your sis is similar to me?

She is talking BS, how can being hard to buy for prevent you receiving a card?

Sounds like she forgot or CBA to buy even a card and passed the blame back.

I’d ring him actually. Text first thing and ring after work. I see him 3 x a week so I’d drop card and present the closest visit to his birthday.

That was a shitty text. YANBU

I do think banners and things is a bit odd for an adult.
I can see why people say cards show some thought but I actually feel the complete opposite about cards. I feel that they are a complete waste and just end up in the recycling in a few days. I’d much prefer a text on the day itself wishing me happy birthday I think that is much more effort than getting a card in the post in some random day before or after my birthday depending on when the person was passing a postbox.

She has behaved thoughtlessly and hurt her dad and then said it is his own fault basically. She sounds a bit immature, selfish and not able to take responsibility for her choices.
Her problems. All you can do is make sure your own relationship with your parents is what you want it to be. Don't get caught up in criticising her to them.

She sees our parents a few times a week. Saw them the night before we went away. Yes exactly not even a card is like a lack of thought. It's not even about the present really. And to put blame on him for her not getting anything annoyed me the most. Fair enough he isn't easy to buy for but no need for her to say that to him. Yes I'm keeping out of it but I am angry at her.

i have a friend whose father insists on a card (with a long message in and this must not be the same card as he has ever received before, and the message must be what he deems to be 'meaningful), plus a present which must be something he has decided he wants.

She follows this to the letter every year, to prevent awful fall out. I have told her he is utterly controlling and to just send a postcard.

Does your dad have 'expectations' OP? Maybe she's just decided not to dance to anyone else's tune any more?

Welcome to mumsnet OP, where anyone over the age of 18 has no right to ever be upset that a relative (and especially a DC) makes no effort to get them a card or gift on their birthday.

Banners though?

As usual in these situations its NOT THE GIFT it's the thought, it's the effort. Esepecially as you say your parent s do a lotlit for you both. She could have for a jokey card foe the day. The text was rude, why should he be less easier to but for in a week or so than the past year she has had leading up to it.

As others posters have said, leave it. Your mother is dealing with it. Don't let this turn into a family fued.