To be angry at my sister over text sent to our DF

[Icarriedawatermelon01]

Today is our DF birthday. I've been away with parents and my DS this weekend. Me and DM put up banners and watched him open cards. He didn't have a card from my Dsis. He received a text from her saying "happy birthday dad, I haven't got you anything yet as you're really hard to buy for". I stood in disbelief she had said this. He was really upset but made out he was ok. Later my DM told me he said I wouldn't have minded if I just had a voucher or even just a card. It's the thought. I feel really sorry for him. I've tried to make a fuss for him today.
My DM text Dsis and said it would have been nice if you just got him a card. Her reply was well he shouldn't be so tough to buy for then, pretty much blaming DF.
I haven't said anything to her and stayed out of it but AIBU to think she's out or order?
For context she was invited along to this weekend away but she declined.

When it is her birthday just send her a text and if she says anything just reply that you thought that was what you were all doing now.

Bluetears I will. I am. and i'm not alone. at the end of the day its nothing to do with the OP, if her dad is bothered, he should speak to his daughter himself, if he isn't going to do that passively aggressively having the arse about it from the OP achieves precisely nothing.

Your sister is being unreasonable and its so PA 'I'm sorry but' apologies mean sod all.

And for all those posters bitching about banners? Just because it's not something you get joy out of doesn't mean that people who do are unreasonable or wrong.

and actually, she hasn't said she isn't getting him anything, she said she hasn't got him anything 'yet'. which to me reads as she hasn't figured out what to get. that hardly makes her the worst daughter alive. I didn't buy my dad anything for his birthday, i spoke to him and said happy birthday, he said thanks. we see each other plenty, we know we love each other. surely that's what matters here?

No wonder she didn't want to come. How much fun it must be for her at family gatherings where she gets to be judged by you and your mum and dad.

Your relationship with your parents is very different from her relationship with her parents, even if you don't acknowledge it or see it.

And while you think cards are necessary and all that, a lot of people are trying to cut back on sending unnecessary cards as they can be viewed as wasteful. She contacted him, she said she's planning to do something, and while it might have been phrased better, you all jumped on the chance to judge her for it. Really, really can't blame her for not wanting to go.

OP YANBU because it is you who has to sit there and watch someone you love feel upset and disappointed. Its you who has to make the parent feel better when your sibling acts selfishly.

One of the worst Christmases I have ever had was after my DM died and I was alone with my Dad. My brother went to stay with his GF and her parents. He didn't call him up on Christmas Day and my Dad was devastated. Apparently he forgot.

@AWomanIsAnAdultFemale

OK you’re the better daughter, is that what you want to hear?

FFS it’s not a competition. If that was my sister I would be asking her if everything is alright, did she have money issues etc. Unless she does this every year, in which case, what did you expect?

This The OP should have at least asked^ her sister if everything is OK. Also, there is a certain air of 'I am the better person coz I spent more on dad'' about the OP.

Of course the father is entitled to be pissed off, but the OP just comes across as rather superior........

Also, I cannot see what is wrong with banners and streamers..

And the comment about 'why do adults care about birthdays?' by @OwlBeThere is most odd? Why shouldn't they? Or are you one of these dreadful misers who thinks no-one over 18 should celebrate ANYthing? Or have anything that is remotely 'childish.....'

Ewwwww I loathe people like that!

Changing the subject somewhat... Why can the OP not just put FATHER ... DF could be friend, fiance, or father. It does my head in. These dumb acronyms need abolishing!

If your dad likes a present I suppose she was out of order, although I tend to kind of put adults who care about birthday presents (assuming they've got a bit of disposable cash) in the same box as adults who text you to tell you they travelled home safely. "Flight's landed, on my way home!" Yeah cheers Janet, I guessed so, seeing as there's been nothing on the BBC about an Easyjet flight to Liverpool tipping into the English channel.

It doesn't take much time to write a nice message in a card and get a box of your dad's favourite chocolates/sweets or something similar.

That was very passive-aggressive and sly. It sounds like she couldn't be bothered/forgot and so (nastily) decided to try and make it out that it was somehow your dad's fault!

Even if she did forget a "hi dad, happy birthday - will pop over sometime soon with card & pressie" or something similar would have been fine. YANBU.

It all sounds pathetic. I wouldn’t want to even be around people silly enough to be upset because someone didn’t get them a card or pressie on their special 'I’m a big kid now' day.

Her text just blamed her Dad for being difficult. Bottom line, she forgot so decided to make it about him being tricky to buy for. Otherwise why wasn't there a card with a note saying 'present to follow'.

I have adult DCs and I don't expect anything in the way of presents (even though they do something) , a card will do for me, and they have the knack to pick the funniest cards that apply to just me and her or him and I love getting them. I would be upset if I just got a text TBH.
So shoot me...

"I stood in disbelief she had said this."

Oh get over yourself.

A card would have been nice but he got a text that said "Happy Birthday"-on his birthday!

What's the difference?

That it couldn't be put up for others to look at?

So I assume from that Charolais you don't celebrate your birthday in any way, shape or form?

When your kids are adult I don't think it's a lot to have a birthday acknowledged. But it sounds like you don't celebrate birthdays so you won't mind when your kids don't bother with your birthday anyway.

It’s the thought that counts! Your sister thought enough to message your dad, I’m sure your dad is big enough to fight his own battles, he is also big enough to realise that a lack of birthday card is not a battle worth fighting.

We don't do cards in my family. I'm 62 and it doesn't bother me one bit. We do presents but often when we see each other (not necessarily on actual birthday). Always text though

It definitely depends on the family.

I would also be annoyed at my sister if she did the same thing. My dad would expect a card on his birthday from his daughter - it really isn't too much trouble.
My dad is ridiculously hard to buy for, but I wouldn't dream of doing nothing and not even getting a card.
People who think adults celebrating birthdays are weird, are the weird ones, in my opinion :)

"When your kids are adult I don't think it's a lot to have a birthday acknowledged."

It was acknowledged!

@chrisinthesun, not at all, I understand the importance of letting people we love know we love them, and If people acknowledge that on your birthday great, but it’s the obligatory need to do that day I find strange, so if I see someone every day or regularly and let them know I love them ahd but thm gifts maybe that I think they might like...but not in their birthday, does that mean I don’t care? Of course not.

I think that the sister could have avoided all the angst by just putting ... but you can chose something you want and then I'll get it.

Maybe she felt left out that you were all going away for Dad's birthday and she wasn't. Perhaps that is why she didn't send a card. Did you give her the address of where you all were?

I didn't give her an address, she knew where we were. It's very well known and can look it up on the internet. Although she could have sent it to their home address.
Think I'm annoyed because she just shows no thanks at anything my parents do for her. I just think it's rude and she expects it. We normally get on really well and never fall out but recently the way she's behaving has really got to me.

We haven’t bought FIL a present for years as he’s hard to buy for, he knows that’s the reason too. He’s fine with it, if he wants something he buys it himself so there’s nothing we could get for him that he’d want 🤷🏻‍♀️

It was my birthday yesterday.. there were banners in the kitchen and bunting in the living room. Does that make DH and I pathetic?

I would never not send a card to my dad and we don't have a great relationship (nothing bad, we just became estranged when he remarried and moved away).

She definitely has no excuse if she was at their house the night before!

SIL is exactly like this too, even though she knows it upsets her DM and DSD.

It was acknowledged!

A text saying happy birthday and I haven't bought you anything because you're difficult to buy for. And no card.

Some acknowledgement!

Seriously glad my father wouldn't throw a strop over such a thing. Your dad is being a little childish and your sister has been a little ignorant. It's barely even an issue.

I agree with Jessica

I also wonder whether there's a part of you that quite enjoys looking good in comparison to her.

If you were my sister I'd find it very unwelcome for you to try and tell me what I should be doing. I wonder if that's a pattern of your relationship. Of course I could easily be totally wrong and she's a cow etc etc. But just thought