To be angry at my sister over text sent to our DF

[Icarriedawatermelon01]

Today is our DF birthday. I've been away with parents and my DS this weekend. Me and DM put up banners and watched him open cards. He didn't have a card from my Dsis. He received a text from her saying "happy birthday dad, I haven't got you anything yet as you're really hard to buy for". I stood in disbelief she had said this. He was really upset but made out he was ok. Later my DM told me he said I wouldn't have minded if I just had a voucher or even just a card. It's the thought. I feel really sorry for him. I've tried to make a fuss for him today.
My DM text Dsis and said it would have been nice if you just got him a card. Her reply was well he shouldn't be so tough to buy for then, pretty much blaming DF.
I haven't said anything to her and stayed out of it but AIBU to think she's out or order?
For context she was invited along to this weekend away but she declined.

Why is everyone going on about the banners? We were away and it was a bit of fun and we made an effort. Don't see what the big deal is? Other people around the resort had birthday banners/balloons up too.

FGS. I really struggle to get all the angst about adult birthday and christmas presents. I think you and your mother are probably more 'upset' than your father and texting her and being angry with your sister is pathetic tbh. Gifts are not important, people are.

He's an adult. He'll get over it.

cansu I didn't text my sister or say anything. And yes exactly a person is more important so therefore I feel her rude text was unnecessary

I think the text message was quite off. A nice card with a lovely message would have been enough and maybe the promise of a meal out at some point.

KinkyAfro - there's nothing wrong with wanting a bit of recognition from the people closest to you of a special day!

Your sister is out of order but I don't think it's your place to say anything I'm afraid. (My brother is also very much like this!)

I wouldn't have minded if I just had a voucher
I agree re a card but I think it's pretty rude for anyone to be this expecting of a present.

Knowing he is of the generation that likes physical cards, she was out of order. A text, to him, would appear pretty thoughtless. (And to me, tbh). So he's hard to buy for. That doesn't mean you don't have to bother at all.

What's wrong with expecting a little consideration on your birthday at his age? He probably doesn't have a huge number left If it means something to him, it should mean something to her.

YANBU. Your sister was rude and could’ve at least got a card. Not sure why so many on this thread are so offended because you dared to put up banners to celebrate an adult’s birthday.

Banners though?

My mother is 52 and yes I still do birthday banners for her.

I also get her a cake - god the horror! The shame!

Jeez.

Gifts are not important, people are.

Yes they are, and people like the op's sister are thoughtless.

Wait until it's time for eldercare OP - you won't see her for the dust.

It’s odd to me that you are angry about this. I can understand thinking “oh that was a bit lazy of her” but angry? He’s a grown up.

It baffles me that adults care about birthdays.

Birthday presents are over rated.
It is how you behave the rest of the year that counts.
He sounds like hard work.

I'm 34 next month and dreading it! I'd be happy if I didn't get a card or present! I'm weird though, I hate attention and all that mandatory, faked "Happy birthday"

All of this sounds like a non-issue.

Why does he sound like hard work? When you're elderly you appreciate thoughtfulness far more. As the OP said, he wasn't worried about a present, but I think it's pathetic that a daughter can't be arsed to send a card

Yes adults care about birthdays. It doesn't stop when you turn 21 or 18 or whatever. Even a card would be nice as a mark that you've not been forgotten about. As for banners etc., if it makes them happy what is the problem? It doesn't matter how young/old someone is, it's nice to be remembered and once a year isn't too much to ask, is it? (I've probably opened the floodgates on that one) runs and ducks for cover
As for the OP, her DSis and their DF, irrespective of how difficult one person finds it to get a gift, couldn't a card with a voucher for a restaurant or perhaps a gift card to the local cinema-plex be something that she could have posted to him or dropped through the letter box?

I find my DH is particularly difficult to buy for so I've started getting him vouchers for the above and he seems to like it.

There's no excuse for not sending a card. Someone being 'hard to buy for' hardly stops that. However I too think the birthday banners seem like something you'd do only on certain birthdays (and I love birthdays). Was it a 'big' birthday, OP? People have asked but you haven't said. It's your choice about the banners of course but it would explain it and your dad's level of upset.

All that said, there's no way to make your sister do things so you probably have to let this one go for your own peace of mind.

Not even a card is just shit. I can't think of any excuse for that.

How hard can it be to buy a birthday card for your own father?

She's a cow.

It's a shame she didn't make the effort to send him a card as I'm sure that would have meant much more than a sodding text. And if she didn't know what to get him she could have asked him or offered to take him out for afternoon tea or a meal. But I think the lack of a card was the real issue.

YABU it's not your place to try to police their relationship. Plus, some people are difficult to buy presents for - that's not blaming them. It's just a fact.
Your DF is an adult who chose to be away from home for his birthday weekend. I'm very surprised he expected a card and present to be sent away with him. I don't think most adults would expect that. They'd expect cards and/or gifts after they returned.

OwlBeThere - be baffled then 🙄