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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think ex’s new girlfriend is a cheeky fucker?

128 replies

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:29

Posting to vent more than anything because I don’t want to say anything to my ex about it.

Ex has a new gf (although not sure he’s technically calling her a gf). He’s been seeing her about 6 weeks though and she’s been out with his friends a few times, some of his friends I’m also very good friends with.

So I’ve been told by two mutual friends who I do trust. That the new gf has made some comments around how much maintenance ex pays me. Along the lines of ‘can you believe he pays her xxx amount, make no wonder she can go on holiday all the time’ type of stuff. Not in front of ex, but on both occasions she’s been out with his friends she’s brought this topic up and made a few comments in regards to it.
On the first occasion one of his friends even said to her, you do realise we’re still friends with candied too, don’t you! She then apparently said, oh it’s not a dig at her or anything. But she still made more comments.

I’m furious, not at her knowing what he pays or even telling people that. That’s his business I guess. But discussing how I spend my money and to my friends. That’s fucking cheeky, isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 20:56

Hmm, I’m really not sure what to think! He said she’d mentioned how much her ex gives her and he’d said oh that’s not much. So she’d asked how much he gives me and he told her it changes but what he’d given that week. He swears he’s never said anything about what I spend it on or anything about holidays, getting my hair done, any of it! And he didn’t know she’d said anything to our friends.

But then I’m not sure quite why he brought it up. She’s said it’s a lot fair enough and she’s said I’ll be getting this and that, but quite why that would make him say he’s paying less I’m unsure. He hasn’t given a proper answer to that, just apologised and said he will continue to pay what he has been.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 18/07/2018 21:00

It sounds like the new gf manipulated him into telling what he pays and she has engineered all of this.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 21:03

He did also say he’s not got any plans to introduce her to dd and I said is that not a bit hypocritical seen as you’ve met her. He just said her kid isn’t his concern, but he doesn’t agree with it.

I told him, maybe slightly childishly, that I think he should make sure to ‘wrap it’ because I think she’ll be seeing him as baby daddy material.

OP posts:
lapenguin · 18/07/2018 21:06

Tbh if she knows how much he's paying towards maintenance and she seems to have a weird attitude about it, then he does need to be careful
I'm glad he has seen sense again! Assume it was a moment of crazy and put it behind you

twiglet · 18/07/2018 21:09

You have known your ex a long time and it's not been an issue in the past or ever mentioned.
I've got to agree that he's been manipulated by his new gf which then made him question (wrongly). How they got onto that convo dunno maybe about holiday money or something.
But given she was raising it with friends tells you that she is behind it. Less money to you would mean more money for him to spend.....
I know that sounds awful but unfortunately some people are like that.
I would leave it where it is and just say if work is down etc and you need to change it then just let me know but when it comes to our daughter it's between us not really anybody else's business please respect that.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 21:10

I get that feeling BerylStreep. I just don’t get why it made him think, oh yes I’m giving Candied too much’. Other than he’s thought, wow she’ll actually be getting quite a lot (with his gf made up figures) and he’s not liked that I might be doing ok money wise. He looked a bit sheepish when I said that and claimed it’s not the case, he wants me and dd to be ok and to have money spare for what we want not just need.

OP posts:
MissVanjie · 18/07/2018 21:14

Sounds like you handled it really well

This has backfired on the gf bigtime - it sounds like the cogs will be turning in his head after this convo.

You did so well staying all calm and friendly. If he has any sense at all it’ll be dawning in him who’s the messy bitch in this scenario and it’s certainly not you.

silversfish · 18/07/2018 21:18

i think it is her business what her partner income and outgoings is however she probably should keep it to herself

MrsSlocombesPussy · 18/07/2018 21:25

She's hardly a partner after 6 weeks!

twiglet · 18/07/2018 21:43

@CandiedPeach sometimes when a seed of doubt is sewn it niggles until you scratch it even though you know not to and then regret it afterwards.
I think she manipulated him enough to make him ponder and then he very quickly regretted it hence then going back. If he truly thought that then he wouldn't have wanted to check that everything was OK or reverse his decision.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 21:45

He said he just answered when she asked without really thinking twiglet. But he agrees it should just be between the two of us.
We generally do that anyway, he pays a set amount each week. But he tops it up depending on how much work he’s had. Like I said up until now, he’s been great (money wise). He’d even got me some euros when I went away with my friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 21:50

Sorry, I’m being slow! That reply was to your previous post twiglet.

I think that’s maybe it and I wonder if she was saying stuf to friends in the hope they’d agree and give her justification. I’m not doubting some of them (who are most definitely his and not our friends) would probably agree with her. It’s only been a few who mentioned it to me, so the others could well have been saying, yes he definitely gives her too much.,

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 18/07/2018 23:48

I told him, maybe slightly childishly, that I think he should make sure to ‘wrap it’ because I think she’ll be seeing him as baby daddy material.

I don't think that was childish at all. I think it was very, very wise advice! But probably advice he won't take unfortunately. She'll just say she'd got contraception handled, and like most men, he'll believe her.

AcrossthePond55 · 18/07/2018 23:48

she's

BerylStreep · 19/07/2018 00:38

Her behaviour is rooted in jealousy towards your daughter. She will not want him providing for her, and i suspect in time she would try to erode not just financial support, but time and emotional commitment too.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 19/07/2018 07:52

To be fair to him AcrossthePond he’s always been good in regards to protection.

I’m not sure if the jealousy is in regards to me Beryl. From bits he’s said and friends said, she doesn’t seem interested in dd at all, but more so in our relationship. They have been seeing each other longer than he initially told me and that’s because we were talking about getting back together at the time. So he’s been seeing her around 3 months a little bit on and off.

He doesn’t do jealousy though and I think he’s already questioning things now.
Anyway, who knows or cares. So long as it’s not effecting me and dd, I’m not bothered.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 19/07/2018 17:18

Well, I'm glad for that! But it's awfully tempting to go skinny dipping instead of wearing a wet suit if the opportunity arises. Wink

It is nice to read about exes who have a good working relationship. I hope this bump in the road is a one off.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 19/07/2018 21:58

Ha, that’s how we ended up with dd AcrossthePond Blush

When I said about ‘being careful’ he said “I’m not stupid” (which is questionable in light of recent events). But he really doesn’t want anymore children. That’s one of the reasons we aren’t together, because I know I do.

OP posts:
imnotreally · 19/07/2018 22:40

My ex is self employed with a creative accountant. Convinced csa he could only afford £25 a week for 3 kids. When csa changed couldn't be bothered to go through cms because he will just use his creative accountant to get out of it. The amount hasn't changed in 7 years and in that time he's got a nice car, latest phone, been to New York and is currently in Sweden. Meanwhile I'm trying to work out how to afford dds high school uniform. Angry

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 20/07/2018 08:42

It's really wrong isn't it imnot. I think self employed maintenance should be worked out on the average if they were employed in the same/similar role, unless they can rove for some reason they are earning significantly less and then the question of why should be asked. Why would you earn less for the same hours etc than if you were employed.

OP posts:
imnotreally · 20/07/2018 11:41

I know candied. Plus he moved back in with his parents so it's not like he has a ton of expenses!

NoFucksImAQueen · 20/07/2018 15:25

I'm glad it went well though I do have a feeling we may see more posts from you in the future 😔

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 20/07/2018 16:46

Really *, so he doesn’t even have a high mortgage and stuff that he could be struggling with. I just don’t understand it, is if that they see if as giving money to the ex and not the child?

Iike I said my ex has been greet until this and he always said he saw it as providing for dd and he always will.
I’m not sure I trust that now, unfortunately. I don’t think he’ll ever not pay something and I think if asked for uniform or school trips etc, he’d pay. I can’t see him ever letting dd go without if he can afford it.
I guess I’ve to remember he’s my ex though and other women are going to come and go (unless he sticks with this one) and it seems he’s more easily influenced than I thought.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 20/07/2018 22:25

Good update. Glad he's come to his senses.

My DB has paid the entire mortgage fir his Ex since his divorce @10 years ago. I know some would say he shouldn't...but that's where his DC live 50% of the time.

I was kinda hoping you might get back with him...but see why you split up.

Sooner or later when you have a partner and DC...your DD will be seeing another man more than him. He'll have to accept that.

Ethylred · 21/07/2018 00:37

You really cannot be surprised that he's told her how much money he's giving you. He's probably said worse things about you.