Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think ex’s new girlfriend is a cheeky fucker?

128 replies

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:29

Posting to vent more than anything because I don’t want to say anything to my ex about it.

Ex has a new gf (although not sure he’s technically calling her a gf). He’s been seeing her about 6 weeks though and she’s been out with his friends a few times, some of his friends I’m also very good friends with.

So I’ve been told by two mutual friends who I do trust. That the new gf has made some comments around how much maintenance ex pays me. Along the lines of ‘can you believe he pays her xxx amount, make no wonder she can go on holiday all the time’ type of stuff. Not in front of ex, but on both occasions she’s been out with his friends she’s brought this topic up and made a few comments in regards to it.
On the first occasion one of his friends even said to her, you do realise we’re still friends with candied too, don’t you! She then apparently said, oh it’s not a dig at her or anything. But she still made more comments.

I’m furious, not at her knowing what he pays or even telling people that. That’s his business I guess. But discussing how I spend my money and to my friends. That’s fucking cheeky, isn’t it?

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/07/2018 15:14

Just read your updates...sorry to hear he's proposing a reduction in maintenance.

I'd say I thought this might come upwas, seeing as your new GF was talking about me and the money to xyz. I'm just disappointed and thought better of you"

Trinity66 · 17/07/2018 15:20

I don't understand why she thinks you shouldn't be able to afford a holiday, what a tool

HoneyBadgerApparently · 17/07/2018 15:38

I would advise him that you have checked and are not entitled to any benefits, especially as this hasn't gone through the CMS yet, and are now short. But don't worry, because your new boyfriend is going to man up and support his child for him, while he lies to the CMS to deprive her of the contribution she is legally due.

You are well rid.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 18:34

I’m very tempted to put something like that HoneyBadger or that I’m moving him in so he can pay half of the bills. He hates the idea that one day another man may live with dd and see her more than he does.

Fuck knows Trinity. She’s going on two that I know of and she’s a single mother too. Hypoocrytical bitch!

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 18:41

I think he is twiglet. I’ve had a few messages from him today and he’s asking to talk. I honestly can’t be bothered today though. I’ve been at work 10 hrs and now I’ve got a messy, tired girl from nursery who needs a bath and bed! I’ll end up saying something really horrible if I speak to him tonight.

OP posts:
twiglet · 17/07/2018 18:46

@CandiedPeach if it was me I would say not tonight but tomorrow (if that's likely to be a better day). That way he's sweating it for another day but it's not too long that his interfering gf can say look she's being bitter and childish etc.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 19:24

Yes, I’ve said I’ll speak to him tomorrow twiglet. He’s having dd overnight tomorrow so collecting her about 5:30. I’ve got copies of his earning from when we were together so I’ll look into what cms says I’d get based on that and see what he says to that.

And I’m preparing myself for him introducing her to dd, because I just don’t see her being the type who’s ok with waiting. He’s already met her dc and stayed the weekend with them. So I don’t think him saying he can’t see her because dd is there will go down well for long.

OP posts:
1CantPickAName · 17/07/2018 19:27

Good for you @CandiedPeach, you are right that you don’t have to justify anything to him. You sound like a really level headed person.

And no YANBU, she does sound like a cheeky fucker!

1CantPickAName · 17/07/2018 19:29

What type of person lets a man/woman they’ve only known for 6 weeks, spend the weekend with them and their dc?

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 20:31

I honestly don’t know 1Cant and my ex would be fuming if I did. I’d been with my bf around 6 months and we were discussing it and ex wasn’t keen. I got a bit freaked out with where it was going myself and ended things, but we stayed friends and have since got back together. The first thing my ex said was, I hope you’re not going to jump back to where you were before in regards to dd meeting him.

But from what I can gather 4 weeks after meeting her, he was staying for the weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 20:41

And I’m trying not to be bitchy not trying too hard though
But she’s very different from me and really not his usual type. Don’t get me wrong she’s attractive and our mutual friends said she seems very into him, but I don’t know, I just get the impression he wants a relationship and any will do.

OP posts:
LeighaJ · 17/07/2018 20:52

"CandiedPeach
I just get the impression he wants a relationship and any will do."

It sounds like any hole's his goal and that one will do for now. Grin

It doesn't sound like a relationship that will last either tbh.

HoneyBadgerApparently · 17/07/2018 21:11

He is probably flattered by the attention. She'll be agreeing with everything he says and egging him on acting like he's a bloody saint.

I would send him a long text/email this evening. Tell him you've spoken to your DP about the situation and he will move in on x date when his current tenancy finishes. Say you have enough in savings to tide you over until then. Say it's not ideal but if he's planning to lie to CMS you don't have a choice, someone has to help support his child. Tell him you are disappointed in him, it has changed your view of him as a parent and as a person, but that for the sake of your DC you don't want to fight. Don't write any of it maliciously, just in a resigned way if you can? Tell him you are tired and going to bed and you will speak tomorrow.

Then switch your phone off. He will shit a brick.

The seeing your bank statements etc is all about control... Moving your DP in is the complete opposite of giving him control. I think he'd change his mind sharpish.

MissVanjie · 17/07/2018 21:27

ugh dear, she sounds like a class act doesn't she

it's not easy being the person who takes the high road and eats shit and does the right thing and puts the dc first and all of that, and it certainly doesn't fill the fridge or buy school uniform, but it is some comfort. kids aren't daft and you don't have to say a word - one day when your dd has dc of her own she'll look back at her own childhood and remember how you were as a parent, and how he was.

FreddyFasbear · 17/07/2018 21:38

Oh dear. He sounds like he has gotten himself a gold digger. He’s got money, she wants it. You sound awesome, keep being awesome and hopefully he’ll realise she’s a fuckwit. 🌹🌹🌹 for you and dd.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 22:18

It sounds like any hole's his goal and that one will do for now. Ha! That’s been his usual style since we split LeighaJ. He doesn’t usually take them on holiday or spend time with their kids though. He doesn’t even like kids, except maybe his own 😂

I might try that HoneyBadger but I think he knows me well enough to call my bluff. I might appeal to his ego and go with ‘oh I hadn’t realised the business wasn’t doing well, of course I can provide everything for dd if you’re not making enough money.

Although my bf is a teacher and if he’d be willing to have dd in the school holidays it would save me a lot in nursery fees!
That’s maybe a threat that would scare him.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/07/2018 22:19

Or ... "there'll be a change in my living arrangements in.tje near future, which should cover the shortfall from DDs child support"

That could mean anything really. Smile

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 17/07/2018 23:01

That might get him worrying Sandy.
I’ve had to block his number tonight. I’ve had a few glasses of wine and if I get a message or call from him, I’ll end up telling him a few home truths.

OP posts:
1CantPickAName · 18/07/2018 13:27

It is tough taking the high road but don’t say things you don’t mean or playing games.

Maybe just be honest and tell him that you’re disappointed in him and you don’t need his money, it’s between him and his conscience to decide if reducing his payments to his dd is right or not.
And also maybe just remind him of the conversation you both had about introducing your fb to your dd, that you presumed the decision not to introduce them was a two way street and you would like him to take that into consideration when he thinks about introducing his gf to dd.

Does he know that she was discussing yours and his private financial affairs with people?

MachineBee · 18/07/2018 14:53

Hope you’re ok OP. Good luck for later.

MissVanjie · 18/07/2018 15:20

Agree with what @1cantpickaname says, totally. Act in good faith abd remind him of how he expects you to conduct yourself. MKe him feel ashamed

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 18/07/2018 16:16

Oh I won’t actually say anything, as much as imagining his face if I did say bf was moving is amusing. I’d never actually lie like that.

I’m planning on saying similar to what you’ve said 1Cant. That I don’t need his money and it’s down to what he feels is an appropriate amount to contribute towards his daughter. I think I’ll also remind him that contributing to her isn’t just pretty clothes and toys, it includes childcare, housing heating, food, maintaining and running a car etc......
I will say that I’m disappointed that its been insinuated that I spend ‘his’ money on myself and if that’s come from him, then honestly he doesn’t know me at all and I don’t feel we can consider ourselves friends anymore. I will of course remain civil for dd’s sake.

I’m going to mention introducing partners. More in a has he changed his opinion on when’s best to do that, kind of thing. To just see what he’s thinking, before I say anything else.

OP posts:
1CantPickAName · 18/07/2018 19:04

@CandiedPeach sounds good, and dignified.

Can you let us know how it goes?

YearOfYouRemember · 18/07/2018 19:12

You don't need his permission to introduce your dd to your bf..

lapenguin · 18/07/2018 19:52

Just thought I'd say you seem very mature about everything! I'd be petty as hell