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Original poster

To think ex’s new girlfriend is a cheeky fucker?

128 replies

CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 20:29

Posting to vent more than anything because I don’t want to say anything to my ex about it.

Ex has a new gf (although not sure he’s technically calling her a gf). He’s been seeing her about 6 weeks though and she’s been out with his friends a few times, some of his friends I’m also very good friends with.

So I’ve been told by two mutual friends who I do trust. That the new gf has made some comments around how much maintenance ex pays me. Along the lines of ‘can you believe he pays her xxx amount, make no wonder she can go on holiday all the time’ type of stuff. Not in front of ex, but on both occasions she’s been out with his friends she’s brought this topic up and made a few comments in regards to it.
On the first occasion one of his friends even said to her, you do realise we’re still friends with candied too, don’t you! She then apparently said, oh it’s not a dig at her or anything. But she still made more comments.

I’m furious, not at her knowing what he pays or even telling people that. That’s his business I guess. But discussing how I spend my money and to my friends. That’s fucking cheeky, isn’t it?

OP posts:
Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 21:42

Yes, we get on ok spudlet7.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 15/07/2018 21:47

I don't think the friend was shit stirring. More a 'word to the wise', I think.

I probably tell this same friend that I only want to hear more if the EX is starting to say that same type of shit.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 21:48

I get what you’re saying Semperldem. But I’ve known her since reception and she’s never been like that. She’s genuinely a lovely person and I know she’ll have been trying to make ex’s new gf feel welcome in the group.
I think she’s also worrying that this is the point that everyone is going to have to choose me or him. Tricky for her, seen as she’s good friends with me and her bf good friends with him!

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ReadingRiot · 15/07/2018 21:50

I don't think it's worth either you or your friends being bothered about it. If you're happy and ex is happy with arrangements and you manage to get along OK for DC, don't let this cage that.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 15/07/2018 22:05

I’ve said I don’t want to hear anymore and I’m not going to say anything to my ex. I’m just annoyed at the cheekiness of her talking about me, especially in a group of people whom I’m friends with.

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spudlet7 · 15/07/2018 22:57

In that case OP, then possibly shit-stirring (I mean the new gf, not your friend). You know that thing insecure people sometimes do, talking with authority about personal things as a way of sort of marking their territory? Letting it be known that they're in the picture now? Sounds like new gf might have been doing that, especially if she knew these were mutual friends.

Fingers crossed your ex will get the measure of her soon enough!

SemperIdem · 15/07/2018 23:04

Honestly, I would ask your friend to not tell you things she hears whilst socialising with your ex (I think it’s very mature that your social circle continues btw), because it isn’t helpful to hear it.

You say she isn’t a stirring sort of person so I believe you, after all you know her and I don’t.

However, for you and you ex partner to have a harmonious co-parenting relationship, tipsy/drunk pub chat you have not been party to need not be repeated to you.

Bluebell878275 · 15/07/2018 23:07

Yeah it's irritating..but..it may be a case of a bit of alcohol mixed with loose tongue... Give it a bit of time before you say anything..she may be embarrassed herself.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 11:47

I've definitely no plans to say anything to him.
Hopefully it's just her feeling out of place and insecure and when she feels more settled she won't feel the need to speak about me at all.

I just find it annoying! Especially seen as she's a single parent too, a little bit of solidarity would be nice. I'd be so pleased if I was dating someone who was a good ex and Dad, no way I'd be moaning about how much he gives.

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Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 16:53

Or maybe he's the cheeky fucker after all! He just text to ask if he can call round tonight to see dd and so we can discuss a few things. I said fine to see dd, but what does he want to discuss, if he's here I usually go to the gym and don't really want to come back sweaty to a massive conversation. He replied it's not much, just wanted to sort out maintenance as we'd agreed that amount was a temporary thing (I don't think we did, he said he thought it seemed a fair amount and I didn't disagree).

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Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 17:00

I wonder if she was testing the water for him. To see if others thought he was overly generous or not.

But I'm presuming her mentioning it and then him wanting to talk about maintenance. Means at the very least, it's been discussed between them. Which is fine I guess, I wouldn't but he's not me.
But if I find out he's been making out I'm spending all the money on myself, then I definitely won't be staying quite. Fuck staying friends!

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Gemini69 · 16/07/2018 18:02

be prepared to hit CMS in the morning OP Flowers

Gemini69 · 16/07/2018 18:03

I'd also be making it clear.. that his girlfriend has been discussing 'your childs' maintenance in the local bars with your friends... that is not acceptable....what he pays for his Child is between you him and your kids Flowers

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 16/07/2018 18:03

Honestly tell your friends to NOT tell you this

He is your ex. She is a twat

Ignorance is bliss !

fuzzywuzzy · 16/07/2018 18:12

Have a look online at them CMS calculator. If your ex wants to reduce maintenance use the figures online as a guide for what you’re child is entitled to.

You’re ex doesn’t sound like he cares much and is happy to be lead by his girlfriend. In this scenario I’d want to have a formal agreement in place.

Darkstar4855 · 16/07/2018 18:15

Sounds like she’s jealous and just trying to stir up shit with his/your friends. Ignore her and rise above it, shrug it off if your friends mention it and they will soon see exactly the sort of person she is. Don’t give her the satisfaction of caring about what she says/thinks.

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 18:48

Oh he’s definitely a cheeky fucker! So much for providing for dd being the most important thing to him and me never having to worry about him not doing so.

If dd hasn’t already have seen him, I’d be telling him to get the fuck out of my house.

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Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 18:56

Hadn't seen him.

Are all men just driven by their dicks? Really fucking disappointed in him.

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Doingreat · 16/07/2018 19:29

What did he say OP? Does he want to reduce maintenance for his dd?

SoapOnARoap · 16/07/2018 19:47

What they discuss is entirely up to them. Just make sure you’re getting all you should from them & leave them be.

notapizzaeater · 16/07/2018 19:58

I'd be telling him she's been telling everyone how he's overpaying you ..

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 19:58

Just a bit Doingreat. Around half what he currently gives me! But it’s ok, because his new gf told him I’d be getting loads in tax credits etc, because she does (only I don’t)

It takes it to less than CMS would say, if I can prove his earnings but he’s self employed so that’s not going to happen.
Its not even the money if he was struggling I honestly wouldn’t care, it’s his reason behind it.

He’s a dickhead and if she’s happy to date a dickhead, good luck to them!

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twiglet · 16/07/2018 20:01

By the sounds of it this is the gf influence if all was OK before and now suddenly he wants to discuss it. You will probably find she's been on at him or saying you could spend that on us having a nice holiday etc etc.
But if he's already paying over then there isn't a lot you can do other than tell him your disappointed that he seems to have changed his mind about how much support he wants to give DD on the basis of a new gf and you thought that he was better than that guess you were wrong.
Nobody likes the words disappointed.....

Gemini69 · 16/07/2018 20:11

I'm so sorry OP.... Flowers

Original poster
CandiedPeach · 16/07/2018 20:12

I’m thinking that twiglet. But he’s a big boy and she shouldn’t be getting any say if what he provides for his daughter.
I had also heard that she’d gone mad that he’d bought dd some trainers and he’d ended up buying some for her dc too. It was from someone who doesn’t like my ex though and I thought it was definitely shit stirring so ignored it. But if she’s like that, I’m very shocked he’s even with her.

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