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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mil and weaning

105 replies

Wadewilson · 15/07/2018 19:14

Dc is 3m old now. I'm intending to wait until 6m, amd do a mix of finger foods and spoon feeding, mainly using foods we eat anyway (minus added salt etc).
I'm not against using packaged foods when out of the house, but aiming to not really use them at home.

Mil has started constantly saying how dc is almost ready for food, and only a couple of weeks to wait. I always say "no, a few months yet" but she consistently ignores me and says to dc "yes food for you soon".
She also keeps going on about how dc's first food should be rusks, biscuits and baby rice despite me saying I want dc to eat what we eat (eg carrots, sweet potato, cucumber, apples etc).

Aibu to be annoyed at her constantly ignoring my plans for my child?
It's also making me wonder if I cam trust her to look after dc or if she would give them food before I'm ready to wean.

She already does things I've said I'd rather she didn't when she is with dc, but they aren't massive issues so other than repeating myself when she does them I've not made a big deal out of them.
(Only things like using wet wipes and no cream when changing dc's nappies, even though I've said that ends up making their bum red and I'd prefer her to use cotton and put cream on)

OP posts:

user1471459936 · 15/07/2018 19:17

Don't let her look after your child. She obviously doesn't give a shit what you want. (An aside: of weaning on to Apple only give cooked apple as raw apple is a choking hazard.)

NewYearNewMe18 · 15/07/2018 19:19

Guide lines - remember they are guidelines - change regularly. If she's my age, then the guidelines said 10-12 weeks. I think it was even younger when DH was little. I've seen three months, six months and even a year quoted.

You're just going to have to reinforce what todays thinking is and show her why things have changed.

MrsKiplin · 15/07/2018 19:20

They should certainly not be weaned that young. You must wait til six months. Please don't let this woman look after your child unsupervised. She has no common sense and no respect for you.

Bambamber · 15/07/2018 19:20

You know she is ignoring you so if you leave your child in her care your child absolutely will be given crap before 6 months. She is already ignoring your wishes. I wouldn't trust her with my child at all

daughterofanarchy · 15/07/2018 19:20

My daughter is nearly five months old I was going to wait until six months to wean but MIL started giving her bits of food behind my back. Not happy.

ReevaDiva · 15/07/2018 19:20

MIL was like this. From literally day one, when my babies cried she'd say 'oh they just want some mince and tatties'.

I just ignored it - but later when I went back to work they offered childcare two days a week, which had to stop ASAP when I collected DS and they told me what they'd given him to eat for tea. It was genuinely more than I would eat in a day - including half a jar of beetroot - and of course he threw up in the car on the way home.

RibenaMonsoon · 15/07/2018 19:21

Just ignore.
Although I was amazed with my DS, the moment he hit 3 months, everyone and their dog decided to give me their 2 pence worth as to when to wean him. I just kept explaining that current NHS advice is to wait untill 6 months and that's what I'm doing. Rinse and repeat.

I also got a lot of.. "He's a big boy, he will be needing food soon"

I just kept answering with.. "How do you think he got to be a big boy? Oh yes, all the milk"

I just stuck to my guns. Weaned him at 6 months.

If you don't think you can trust her not to feed him food then don't leave him with her. Your baby, your choice. Do what's best for you and ignore the early weaning advice.

TittyGolightly · 15/07/2018 19:21

It's also making me wonder if I cam trust her to look after dc or if she would give them food before I'm ready to wean.

There’s a very simple answer to this.

BoomBoomsCousin · 15/07/2018 19:22

I can see why it’s tiresome to have her constantly ignoring what you say. But it really isn’t worth getting worked up over. She doesn’t have the same exposure to more modern ideas on baby rearing and is stuck in her own rut. In some subtle ways your ideas are going to feel like a criticism of how she raised her own children - lots of people have difficulty hearing that what they did is no longer thought to be the best without taking it personally so they sort of push on as though it’s not the case. It still comes from a place of being really invested in your DC though and that’s generally a great thing.

TittyGolightly · 15/07/2018 19:23

An aside: of weaning on to Apple only give cooked apple as raw apple is a choking hazard

Better advice would be to read up on baby led weaning.

Ceecee18 · 15/07/2018 19:24

Ignore her or simply state 'the guidelines have changed now, we won't be introducing food until 6 months'. And don't let her babysit, she will feed them behind your back, then gloat after about how DC loved it and was ready for food. I've seen extended family members do it with their grandkids. It's best to just not let her babysit. I don't let my mom look after DD because of her saying stuff like this, and then blaming it on not understanding the new guidelines and how her generation did it a better way.

BertrandRussell · 15/07/2018 19:26

The guidelines have said definitely no younger that 4 months and preferably 6 since at least when my 22 year old dd was a baby.
I wouldn't leave the baby alone with her if you don't trust her to stick to the rules

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 15/07/2018 19:26

My MIL and DM were both like this and it was awful. I couldn't trust either of them bit to give DD food behind my back, and never left DD with either of them until we had started weaning.
I know the comments can be exhausting but just stick to your guns, tell them your following the guidelines and don't wean until you and baby are ready!

Storminateapot · 15/07/2018 19:27

I'm in my early 50's so if she's similar age to me those were what the guidelines were when mine were babies & it's what I did, it's what we all did. They all survived our stupid & ill-informed ministrations as it happens, it might well be how you were raised too.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 15/07/2018 19:27

The thing is, their generation raised their children like this (weaning from 3 / 4 months) and their children all 'turned out fine'...also they have seen the official advice change multiple times so tend to ignore it as they think it will change again. That is what she would say.

All you can do is say there has been a lot of research since she had kids and current NHS advice is to wean after 6 months. I'd tell her your doctor told you it's important to only wean after 6 months as well (just to hammer the point home). If she still doesn't stop talking about solids before then, I think you're going to have to stop her looking after your baby, or at least only leave him / her with her at your house for short periods where you know she can't force food down him/ her.

I don't understand why grandparents want to rush this or ignore current advice! I also never understand why people want to give babies baby rice - it doesn't teach them anything new about taste or texture or chewing, just bungs them up and gets them used to bland gunk

Also I would keep quiet if baby isn't sleeping well as I think in this generation this is a misconception that giving solids early helps babies sleep better

Original poster

Wadewilson · 15/07/2018 19:29

Dc is only small too, on 9th percentile line (since birth) and weighed 10lb at 10 weeks. Never actually finishes a bottle yet, only has about 3.5oz and never seems hungry.

It isn't so much the comments about weaning soon that irritates me, as I know advice/ guidance changes and dh wad probably weaned early and has no issues. It's more the ignoring me when i say that it isnt happening.
She has 5 other gc, and every time they are at her house when we are there they seem to eat nothing but sweets, even the 14m old. The 14m old was being given chocolate buttons by mil from about 5m old. I don't know what bil and sil had said or decided about weaning so they may have been fine with it, but it concerns me that she might do it with my dc.

OP posts:

Readyfortheschoolhols · 15/07/2018 19:35

My now exmil told me outright she would feed my dc meat behind my back.
She never had them unsupervised.
Ever.
Your baby your rules.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 15/07/2018 19:35

The 14m old was being given chocolate buttons by mil from about 5m old. I don't know what bil and sil had said or decided about weaning so they may have been fine with it, but it concerns me that she might do it with my dc.

To be honest I think she probably will do this with your dc. I know exactly how you feel because mine and dp parents are exactly the same. However I have the view of it I leave dd with them then I can't dictate how the feed her etc. I tell them how I feel but deep down I know they don't really listen. This is exactly why DD will be going to nursery when I go back to work instead of free childcare from Grandparents which is frustrating but it's the only way I know she'll be fed what I would like.

Storminateapot · 15/07/2018 19:36

I have to say if I had grandchildren I would respect their parents' wishes on the matter regardless of what I did myself, so I think she would be massively out of order to go behind your back and wean someone else's baby despite express wishes to the contrary. A big fat nope to that aspect of it, but you can't criticise we old 'uns for doing what we were advised was best and done with the best of intentions & love for our own babies at the time. It was 16 weeks(ish) when mine were babies and that had been quite recently increased from 12 I think.

Oldaintallthat · 15/07/2018 19:39

I'm in my late 40s and yes a lot of things have changed (9 granddaughter is 9 weeks old and the HV told her that they now frown on swaddling? Is that actually the norm now?)
Anyway, dc is yours, and your MIL is being a PITA. Don't let her have DC until weaned

FASH84 · 15/07/2018 19:41

Can you even still get rusks? Aren't they full of sugar? She's being unreasonable, don't leave baby with her

Ceecee18 · 15/07/2018 19:43

Storminateapot I don't think it's so much that posters are criticising for weaning before 6 months, but criticising that OPs MIL (and lots of other grandparents) won't accept that the guidelines are different these days, or accepting that parents will make their own decisions when to wean. It's very frustrating when you can't trust family to look after your child as you can't trust them on such basic things.

FASH84 · 15/07/2018 19:43

Just as an aside, my DF used to say to DN when she was (a very hungry) baby especially for one so small, 'what you really want is steak and chips/a nice roast dinner' etc, but he was joking and would never have given her anything outside of DB and SILs wishes. Your MIL doesn't sound like she's joking though

stargirl1701 · 15/07/2018 19:45

I hear the 'you turned out fine' line too. I find the hubris of that statement staggering.

No, I have eczema, asthma, hay fever, food allergies and IBS. These are all related to both formula and early weaning (8-10 weeks!). The impact is lifelong.

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 15/07/2018 19:48

I would tell her that you won’t be leaving your baby unsupervised with her and explain exactly why she hasn’t earned your trust. This shit royally pisses me off and it’s a very common thing on MN.

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