Mil and weaning

[Wadewilson]

Dc is 3m old now. I'm intending to wait until 6m, amd do a mix of finger foods and spoon feeding, mainly using foods we eat anyway (minus added salt etc).
I'm not against using packaged foods when out of the house, but aiming to not really use them at home.

Mil has started constantly saying how dc is almost ready for food, and only a couple of weeks to wait. I always say "no, a few months yet" but she consistently ignores me and says to dc "yes food for you soon".
She also keeps going on about how dc's first food should be rusks, biscuits and baby rice despite me saying I want dc to eat what we eat (eg carrots, sweet potato, cucumber, apples etc).

Aibu to be annoyed at her constantly ignoring my plans for my child?
It's also making me wonder if I cam trust her to look after dc or if she would give them food before I'm ready to wean.

She already does things I've said I'd rather she didn't when she is with dc, but they aren't massive issues so other than repeating myself when she does them I've not made a big deal out of them.
(Only things like using wet wipes and no cream when changing dc's nappies, even though I've said that ends up making their bum red and I'd prefer her to use cotton and put cream on)

"@BertrandRussell my son is 19 and when he was a baby the guidelines were 4 months."
Really? I have a 22 yeas old and a 17 year old. The advice was not younger than 4 months and ideally 6 for both.

@AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered I'm all for each persons choice and support the mother having her own say over her baby, but I still have my book that came with my pregnancy pack from when I had my eldest and weaning was definitely advised from 4 months, which the health visitor at the time said could be 16/17 weeks (which is still considerably earlier than 26 weeks) I was advised to give baby rice at 12 weeks because I was told he was a hungry baby and would settle better. I would not do this again and I do wait/have waited for my children to be ready, but it was common place 18/19 years ago. My first foods were given at 8 weeks (broth 🤢) so I'm not trying to just be argumentative.

@bertandrussell perhaps different areas varied slightly in the information they gave out. As a first time parent I was extremely careful and did everything by the book (and kept it all and records of what he ate) but to seemingly accuse me of lying or making it up is quite unnecessary.
OP I stand by my comments earlier and just advise that the people who care for your baby should respect your wishes.

I'm not going to have to hunt out the red books again, am I? [weary sigh]

How old is MIL? I am a grandparent, and it wasn’t usual to feed weaning babies rusks any more when I was weaning my babies. I remember having the same argument with my MIL that rusks weren’t considered an ideal weaning food back then! Tell her that she needs to update her food attitudes to something more recent than the 1950s. And, yes, you need to sit down with her and tell her that YOU are responsible for your baby’s weaning and diet, and if she can’t be trusted, she won’t be left alone with baby.

I had exactly the same problem. It's really irritating as a nervous FTM when you've done your research and made a decision about something for YOUR child when you undermined by MILs. Stick to your guns

Cannot abide this interfering bullshit disguised as motherly advice.

Your baby, your choice. And I wouldn't be leaving DC unsupervised with her, she'll end up feeding them all sorts against your wishes.

Cannot abide this interfering bullshit disguised as motherly advice.

Your baby, your choice. And I wouldn't be leaving DC unsupervised with her, she'll end up feeding them all sorts against your wishes.

I’m going to have this issue at Christmas with MIL. DD1 is due in late August / early Sept and she’s already made comments about how ‘it’s crazy people think a baby should only have milk until they are 6 months’. She weaned my husband when he was about 10 weeks and he’s a dreadfully fussy eater and I feel like she’s going to give me shit for waiting to 6m. We live far away but will be home for Christmas and I can already invisage her sneaking the baby a roast potato or some nonsense

You really don't have to wait until six months (NHS guidelines are regularly based on bad science) but that really isn't the point. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. What matters is that you are the parent not her so this is your call. As is her nappy routine. You know you can trust her. She thinks she knows best and doesn't care that it is not get perogative to make these decisions

My MIL couldn't understand why we weren't letting our little one have an Easter egg to suck on. She was 3 months old at the time.
Utterly ridiculous I told her no and haven't listened to any of her advice at all.
She's also not having my DD on her own until I trust her- no idea when that will be!

If you could get a chance to talk to bil and sil about what their original instructions to MIL were on food, that might be useful. They may be fine with it, but if they say that she ignored all their wishes, then you know what to expect.

My oldest is 21 when she was a baby the guidelines were to wean at 4 months which is what we did. By the time I had my second 7 years later the advice had changed to weaning at 6 months.

My dd is 17 and I remember being told 3 to 6 months. I waited til 6 months as I have lots of food allergies and was bf and was advised to exclusively bf as long as I could.

“My dd is 17 and I remember being told 3 to 6 months.“

Not by a HCP you weren’t.

There is a simple solution. Do not leave baby with MIL. Its harsh but i wouldnt if i couldnt trust someone to follow explicit instructions.

They are from an era where babies were weaned practically from birth. So no amount of research will make her understand. None. Zero. Zilch.

STOP telling her your plans. If she asks simply state;

"Baby will be weaned following paediatric instruction at the age the set using methods they state due to her size/frame"
(my LO is 14weeks and barely hitting 10lbs last we checked, hugging 0.4th centile and ive had to state this same thing to those who say shes too small and needs weaning early etc as they will not fucking understand what waiting til 6 months is.)

The nappy thing stand your ground. Instead of asking her to use cotton say;

"You NEED to use cotton and cream as LO keeps getting nappy rash".

Dont say "i prefer if u use"
Dont say "can you use"

Be blunt.

And enjoy your baby ❤

@BertrandRussell they might of 17 years ago ??

I was born in the early 90s, looking through my red book a few weeks ago I was surprised to see it recommended weaning from 'about 3-4 months', recommending you to seek advice if wanting to start before. And not just baby rice but mashed/liquidised fruit, veg, cereals and meat. With finger foods advised as they get older, from 6 months.

""She doesn’t have the same exposure to more modern ideas on baby rearing and is stuck in her own rut. ""

I wouldn't say it was that. We (my peer group, Mum's in the 80's) didn't use wipes because they were expensive. You saved them for when out and about, but you would take them into the toilet to wipe them down with a flannel or cotton wool that you had carried with you. I used to use Vaseline as a barrier cream, unless there was actual nappy rash, as did everyone that I knew. sudocrem/bepanthen and one from Boots, was again, expensive.

In 1985 I was told to wean at Four Months, I didn't because I didn't think my DD needed food. In 1995 it was 4-6 Months (at Mother's discretion). in 1998 I was told Six Months.

I know people now who are weaning at Four Months and their MW is telling them that it's fine.

She needs to follow what you are doing, or not have your child alone.

Other than feeding and not taking care of skin properly other things, in the whole scheme of things aren't as important. But that's easy for me to say, with grown up children. I say that in hindsight.

""My older dd's first tastes were actually the chocolate button they used to give them after the polio vaccine!!""

My GC first taste of Sugar (and food) was after her BCG., last year. I can remember getting chocolate/lollipops at both the Doctors, Health Clinic and the Dentist.

The first time she is alone with your child she will be feeding it. Please wait until 6 months, theres reasons for this. But i would re think the rusks, i love them

You definitely can’t trust her to not feed the baby. It’s unfortunate but you can’t leave baby with her. I’m all for weaning at 5 months if baby is showing interest and doesn’t have that protective spit out reflex anymore... but not on chocolate! So even once weaned you can’t trust her really till baby is regularly eating all kinds of things.

It's pretty obvious that baby's guts don't transform dramatically overnight when they turn 6 months, and that babies who eat solids before that might be for the most part fine, but if it's only 1% or whatever who suffer serious effects from eating too soon then it's worth putting it off. So the whole 'my baby ate from 3 months and was fine' overlooks that the point is the level of harm to a tiny fraction of babies makes it worth delaying for all of them...
It sounds to me like these are comments made in passing and she's being thoughtless and not listening well BUT not necessarily with any ill will. I'd get a leaflet/print off advice about eating and tell her what you will do based on official advice. She probably followed doctor's advice in her day, you follow it in yours.
Apparently for our parents/grandparents' generation there was a trend to wean a bit earlier, as commercial formula was developed. It took about four hours to digest so breastfeeding mothers were also told to feed every four hours, which isn't enough for breastmilk so weight dropped/was lower than for formula-fed babies and gave the perception that babies needed solids or formula to make up the shortfall. They were given it earlier than previously.

This is such a non-issue. Even if she did give him food at 4-5 months, no harm will come to him. You're over-reacting. This is a control issue, as the outcome won't affect your child.

By the way, the 6 month guideline is in the process of being revised downwards, back to 4-5 months.