Mil and weaning

[Wadewilson]

Dc is 3m old now. I'm intending to wait until 6m, amd do a mix of finger foods and spoon feeding, mainly using foods we eat anyway (minus added salt etc).
I'm not against using packaged foods when out of the house, but aiming to not really use them at home.

Mil has started constantly saying how dc is almost ready for food, and only a couple of weeks to wait. I always say "no, a few months yet" but she consistently ignores me and says to dc "yes food for you soon".
She also keeps going on about how dc's first food should be rusks, biscuits and baby rice despite me saying I want dc to eat what we eat (eg carrots, sweet potato, cucumber, apples etc).

Aibu to be annoyed at her constantly ignoring my plans for my child?
It's also making me wonder if I cam trust her to look after dc or if she would give them food before I'm ready to wean.

She already does things I've said I'd rather she didn't when she is with dc, but they aren't massive issues so other than repeating myself when she does them I've not made a big deal out of them.
(Only things like using wet wipes and no cream when changing dc's nappies, even though I've said that ends up making their bum red and I'd prefer her to use cotton and put cream on)

You must bring up your child your way and she should respect your views. Do not leave your child in her sole care unless you are confident she will do this

Perhaps different trusts had different guidelines, my fifteen year old guidelines were 4 months and my fourteen year old guidelines were 6 month.

My elder dc has all sorts of allergies and asthma and eczema my younger dc is healthy. So anecdotally I’d always err on weaning later.

I was definitely told 3-6 months by a HCP (my health visitor), and the other mums I was close to in my NCT group all started weaning theirs at 3-4 months. I only held off because I was advised to because of my food allergies.

I don't think the OP is over reacting. It's her decision, not her MiLs. I'm MiL type age. Who does she think she is?

To settle the arguments!

In the 1980s and early 1990s, the NHS advised weaning after three months
In 1994, guidance changed to four months
The current advice to wean at six months came into effect in 2003

When I had DS(24) the guidelines were 3 to 4 months. By the time I had DS(12) they were 6 months. To be honest all my kids were ebf and i'm pretty sure they would've happily gone longer than 6 months.

But I'm 54 and apparently weaned at six weeks.

your baby, your rules. do not leave baby with her, she doesnt know the boundaries which need to be put in place, even if it means being stern

Do not leave the baby with her, she doesn't respect your decisions

Do not leave the baby with her, she doesn't respect your decisions

^ this

I bought a copy of the BLW book for my parents and in-laws - back when it was unusual to BLW. They were sceptical but read it, and were then very supportive (I think they told lots of other grandparents how well it worked for their dgc, too!). Would your mil be up for reading something?

From red book - 1995

The guidelines were definitely 3-4 months

Ignore. Ask DH to intervene. Most children aren't given solids till they're 6 months. Have a chat with your health visitor. Your mum. Your the boss. Make this clear now to save yourself much hassle in the future.

"The aim, from the outset, was to move towards formulating a sound
strategy that will contribute to a lasting reduction in malnutrition, poverty and deprivation."

That is taken from the WHO website in an explanation why the weaning age was set at six months. If they did it Country by Country, the UK would probably be Four Months. The issue is that the NHS knows that people will always go below the recommended and those that eat nutritionally poor food will feed it to their children. So Six Months is a safe age to recommend.

Either way, if the Baby is Bf, then I think it is up to the Mum.

Nod and smile, then do what you want, and don't let her look after your DC until past the weaning stage. DMs do this shit too, by the way.

BertrandRussell why are you so insistent on telling other mothers they’re lying about guidelines?! You weren’t in the room with their midwife, their health visitor or doctor to know what they were told!! Different people tell their patients different things. It is that simple. Yes guidelines may not have changed but the advice given out has depending on who gives it!

You seem like you’re out to antagonise.

The guidelines changed between my elder (20) and youngest (13). I weaned when they started grabbing food off my plate and gumming it at about 5 months. I ignored the 6 mth guideline for my youngest as he was big and an awful sleeper and I was ebf. There is recent research that finds that babies weaned earlier sleep better. My kids all seem ok, eat well and always have. My understanding is that the WHO guidelines were based on the average weight baby - British babies are a lot heavier than the average infant in a developing country, therefore they could probably be weaned earlier.

"You seem like you’re out to antagonise."
I'm not- I just find the "do what you think best-the guidelines are changing all the time" posts very worrying. Because the guidelines are there for a reason. HCPs may well have misinformed posters,they often do, but the guidelines are best practice and should be adhered to unless there is a very good reason not to. Otherwise why do people get so upset about family members not sticking to them? And the "it never did mine any harm" argument could just as well apply to car seats or cycle helmets or phenergan.

Weening is a decision for the mother alone, in my personal opinion, there is no hard and fast rule. Do what’s right for you and your baby. Every baby is different.

I'd echo a PP's irritation with "you lot all turned out fine" when the number of people I know with IBS and digestive issues is huge. Who knows how many of those were caused by early weaning on crap like rusks?

Weening [sic] is a decision for the mother alone

Did you mean “parents”?

YANBU to expect your MIL to follow your lead in large decisions about your child's life.

That said, I suspect guidance on weaning will change soon. A large, rigorous study has recently shown an improvement in sleep in babies weaned early (from 3 months), which previous research has shown has a positive effect on a range of developmental outcomes and risk of type 2 diabetes in later life, and no increase in risk of allergic conditions.

jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/fullarticle/2686726

jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapediatrics/article-abstract/2580310?resultClick=1

A large, rigorous study has recently shown an improvement in sleep in babies weaned early (from 3 months), which previous research has shown has a positive effect on a range of developmental outcomes and risk of type 2 diabetes in later life, and no increase in risk of allergic conditions.

There was barely any improvement in the sleep (it was a few minutes, IIRC), it didn’t take place until at least 5 months and hasn’t been correlated with other digestive issues.

the thing is they are all guidelines and aprox not rules - I was told early 80s onward from 4 months & you introduce one food item at a time, different babies have different needs - ask your hv advice

From 3 months, mean age 16.2 weeks

*16.6 minutes longer per night and their night waking frequency decreased from 2.01 to 1.74 wakings per night

very serious sleep problems were reported significantly more frequently in the Standard Intervention Group than in the Early Intervention Group.*

I'm a bit concerned that measuring any 2 groups will find a difference. The large study size makes this kind of type 2 error more likely. Also, if they were ebf until 6 months, then the claim that it's a representative sample goes out the window as only 1% nationally manage that. I'd also be sceptical of what ebf meant in this context as wider literature suggests it doesn't mean the same to women in different studies. There's also an inbuilt reporting bias to claim ebf status. It's interesting but doesn't stand up by itself.