Mil and weaning

[Wadewilson]

Dc is 3m old now. I'm intending to wait until 6m, amd do a mix of finger foods and spoon feeding, mainly using foods we eat anyway (minus added salt etc).
I'm not against using packaged foods when out of the house, but aiming to not really use them at home.

Mil has started constantly saying how dc is almost ready for food, and only a couple of weeks to wait. I always say "no, a few months yet" but she consistently ignores me and says to dc "yes food for you soon".
She also keeps going on about how dc's first food should be rusks, biscuits and baby rice despite me saying I want dc to eat what we eat (eg carrots, sweet potato, cucumber, apples etc).

Aibu to be annoyed at her constantly ignoring my plans for my child?
It's also making me wonder if I cam trust her to look after dc or if she would give them food before I'm ready to wean.

She already does things I've said I'd rather she didn't when she is with dc, but they aren't massive issues so other than repeating myself when she does them I've not made a big deal out of them.
(Only things like using wet wipes and no cream when changing dc's nappies, even though I've said that ends up making their bum red and I'd prefer her to use cotton and put cream on)

I am old..DS1 is 32 and even then the advice was 4 months, so dont get this ...in our day.... Mind you my MIL wittered on from 6 weeks how "eel want a bit o mash and gravy soon"

It's important to remember though that anyone posting a thread on here about leVing weaning til 6 months will get a flood of presumably younger posters going on about how they weans their babies at 3/4 months and they were fine. And there's always the "the guidelines are always changing" (they aren't) brigade. But she absolutely shouldn't go against your wishes.

Hear, hear @BertrandRussell, the guidelines have literally NEVER been to wean before 17 weeks as a minimum (At least NHS in the UK). It amazes me how parents lie to themselves and others to make themselves feel better.

My DM is the same, always going on about giving him rusks and baby rice (even though they are pointless and full of sugar) even my DSis says to put rusk in his bottle! MIL doesn't see DS enough to know he's having tummy troubles and is on lactose free milk.

My mil was exactly the same, my DS was diagnosed with reflex at 5 weeks old and she said “a bit of rusk or baby rice in his bottle is all you need” . This continued and gradually the pressure got worse as he hit 3/4 months and then she started lecturing my DP who then started pressuring me! I gave in at 5 months, there was absolutely no need to wean him though, it had no impact on his reflux until he was about 9/10 moths when he dropped down to 2 bottles. Stick to your guns- I wish I did!

Why are you letting this woman look after your child unsupervised?

To save money?
Because DH will kick off if you don't?

I'm going to be harsh here. You have got a lifetime ahead of standing up for your child.

Either you want what's best for your child above all else, and will be keeping them well away from the loony MIL, or there's something else that is more important to you. Have a think.

What @Rednaxela said, exactly! This is YOUR child. Why do you care what your MIL says? She only gets a say in the matter if you let her.

YANBU. I remember my nan saying I should give DS some chocolate yoghurt at 3 months old! Totally ridiculous but she tends to feed children crap all the time. Thankfully she does listen to me whether she agrees or not. I wouldn't leave any child with someone who I knew would go against my wishes the second my back was turned. People lioe that don't deserve to look after other people's children.

I don't understand why grandparents want to rush this or ignore current advice!

It's because THEY know what is best.

OP next time mil goes on about feeding/weaning. Ask her if she's going deaf, if she says no. Tell her she is, as she doesn't seem to hear what you're saying.

Crap, don't let her look after your child she'll do her own thing.

For what it's worth, I listened to everyone I thought knew better than me, Hv, my own mother , gp and consultant paediatrician all insisting that my baby should be having solids when my guts were screaming too early.

I was right she didn't eat properly till well over one.

2yo now and a fantastic eater....

My DM disapproved thoroughly of BLW to begin with, vocally, was incredulous about "all this about babies feeding themselves", thought it was akin to child abuse. I did what I thought was best and what is current guidelines.

"It's changed now, it's six months (or when they're ready/sitting up unaided/able to grasp etc) I'll be weaning at six months" Rinse and repeat. Don't necessarily worry about being rude as she clearly doesn't give a shit of she's rude to you.

Don't leave your baby with her, guaranteed she'll feed them, then go "ooh he just grabbed such-n-such off my plate and really enjoyed it!" with a tinkly laugh.

Oh my days. There's no rule. It's guidelines. And they change all the time. The paediatric dietician was telling me the other day that they are on the verge of changing it back to 4 months for a number of reasons BUT the problem is people will always do it earlier than the guidelines, so if 4 months is ideal you will have people who do it at 3 months. Whereas if it remains at 6 months the majority will begin between 4-6 months. With my eldest, I was told by the dr to begin weaning at 12 weeks! (He's 19) the norm was 16 at the time. He genuinely suffered no ill effects. With my younger children I waited till they seemed ready and were chewing their fists and interested in what we were eating. So between 4-6 months. And then just bits to chew on or tastes. It's completely YOUR decision.
If your MIL is ignoring your choice over when is a good time and for you to have that say then don't let her look after your baby. I know my friend gave her sisters baby wotsits behind her sisters back... (wotsits 🙄) and my mum gave mine an Oreo and thought it was hilarious... you make informed decisions about your baby but no one should undermine what you choose to do x

"Oh my days. There's no rule. It's guidelines. And they change all the time"
They don't, you know. They haven't changed for the past 20-odd years.

Yup Bertrand I'm in my 30's and was weaned at 6 months, as per guidelines...

I didn't start DD on solids until she was 6 months it was the right age and her stomach could take the food. Dont listen to other people you're the mother you know best!
(I give rusk sticks to DD to help with teething and started her off with rice cereal with some pureed pears to help with her bowls and now at 9 months I just puree pumpkin and zucchini together which all babies seem to love!)

Time to sit her down and tell her very seriously that until she stops banging on, you can never trust her to look after your baby.

@Rednaxela everyone needs you in their lives! You are spot on!

I’ve had exactly the same thing from members of my family . People need to realised times have changed and the recommendation is 6 months just ignore her and do what you feel is best

I really hope I aim raising my dd to be open minded questioning, who commissioned the survey etc... What's really best.

When it comes to her own baby I'd like her to think she is intelligent enough and bright enough to do what's best for her dc. I can't imagine having the privalige of looking after blessed gc and doing my own thing?!

If she said something totally bonkers... I would hope we had a good enough relationship for me to talk to her about it. But stuff like... Dm please don't feed her this or do that I would do it.

I can't believe people wouldn't.

Tell her to feck off.

I had my mum and MIL twatting on about food for months. For all 3 kids.

DS1 was 5 months old and MIL was in a restaurant doing the "oh I wish I could have this food mummy"

A baby chewing there fists does not mean they are ready for food. It just means they are chewing their fists.

*their.

Tbh op it's usually about control. My sil knew how exited I was that weaning fell in the middle of a holiday with them.
I was ill one day and they took dd out, when they came back sil said with wicked gleam in her eye.. I had ice cream and she wanted so I gave. Sorry mum her first proper food.. ❄ Cream.

I laughed about it but I know it was spiteful and power play.

Agree with PPs that this seems all about her attitude to you and lack of respect for your decisions in general. She sounds totally dismissive of you and playing power games which is bang out of order. The whole talking to DC directly contravening your wishes or statements needs tackled pronto - next time she does it “excuse me what the hell do you think you are doing talking to MY child like I’m not here blatantly contradicting what I’ve just said to you? That is not ok”. Don’t waste your time justifying your (perfectly sensible) decisions if this is how she is behaving towards you (as opposed to behaving like someone you could have a reasonable discussion with!) - it’s your child, your choice.

Sadly it sounds like she needs told - as subtly, politely trying to tell her doesn’t sound like it’s getting through or making her respect you.

@BertrandRussell my son is 19 and when he was a baby the guidelines were 4 months. So yes they have changed. But what I actually meant was guidelines WITH babies change all the time, what you can eat, what you can't eat, what to feed them etc. If you have children that span a few years you will see various guidelines change, and they are not rules, they are guidelines put in place to protect the vulnerable in society. I'm not saying I now go against them, I'm saying it's ok to use your intelligence and decide for yourself. But to say the guidelines haven't changed since I had my first is wrong.

My older dd's first tastes were actually the chocolate button they used to give them after the polio vaccine!! I expect someone will now accuse me of lying, but at 16 weeks my girls both had a chocolate button put in their mouth after their immunisations by the nurse!! They are both younger than 19.