to not understand how I could possibly be perceived as racist?

[MissFranklin]

First mn post but have been an avid reader for a while now.

Me and DP are expecting our first baby. Was at work last week discussing what our child might look like with a colleague. It was a very interesting conversation as I am mixed race (Caucasian and Afro-Caribbean) and DP is white. I have dark Afro hair, green eyes and fairly dark brown skin. DP has dead straight, blonde hair, blue eyes and very pale skin. I find it interesting thinking about what our child may look like (I'm sure the majority of parents to be wonder about this at some point during their pregnancies).

Apparently, a colleague of mine was offended by this conversation. Felt that I was focussing on the race of my child too much and what he/she will look like, and didn't seem at all interested in whether my baby was healthy (this is not the case, of course that is the most important thing to me and I've actually had a very complicated pregnancy, I just don't discuss it with my colleagues). Apparently I was being racist in saying that when a person has a mixture of races they are often interesting looking and it's hard to pin down where their heritage stems from. Now the only comment other than the above that I made about race, was that it's interesting that our child could look white, black, or somewhere in between and that I'm just really curious to know. I thought this was a fairly obvious remark. It was a really brief conversation and didn't really progress from what I've said above. I think I ended it with 'I don't care what my baby looks like as they'll be beautiful to me regardless'.

Now I'm not usually one to confront about things like this as I'm quite thick skinned and am not usually bothered, but I'm not happy with being called racist and would be furious if I was referred to as that again (I feel pretty furious as it is). The person who told me this has asked that I don't say anything, which I never understand - why tell me if I can't respond to it?

AIBU to think I really need to speak to this person face to face as I am so confused as to how I could possibly have offended her? I am no racist and have no idea how to approach her about this. Am I overreacting?

@lljkk really? Wasn't me!

lljkk

We’ve had lots of samey parking threads too, we can’t all have unique social conundrums you know

sash maybe it just proves that it's not such a unique standpoint that my colleague has!

I’ve said this and nobody believes me... it’s to start articles. Everyone warns people that it will turn into a “fail article” when the whole purpose was to turn into a “viral article” in the first place but, bread and circuses, and all that

@MissionItsPossible eh?

@MissFranklin

There seems to be a theme where a popular thread occurs with a specific theme then two or three with the same theme always occur. As if trying to go viral. An easy article.

mission definitely not the case here. Not sure how I can prove that to anyone but I'm not trying to go viral. I'd actually really rather this didn't 🙈

Oh right, haven’t had much posting history on here though, have you?

It's a shame, social justice warriors are turning our liberal democracy into something reminiscent of 1984.

@MissionItsPossible not really sure what I can do about that...

I'm really not a troll or anything of the sort would love to read the identical thread to mine also!

Calm down MissionItsPossible, OP said at the start that she hasn’t posted before.

Cool your jets trollhunter

I'm really not a troll! I'm on another thread I started at the moment and I'm sure if anyone wants to read it they'll see how utterly fascinated I am by the topic I'm choosing to discuss!

It’s ok MissFranklin! We know you’re not. Sometimes people come on to threads just to throw in an obligatory “OP is a troll” comment and then leave.

@JustJoinedRightNow

Fair play. I’m getting heated on another thread which may have impacted this one! Still stand by my conspiracy theory and not solely attributing it to this OP

@MissFranklin lol I’ve seen your other threads.

"Interesting looking" would bother me and I'll probably be the black woman in the office who would want to comment but would end up not saying in case I'm labelled the usual words. Meh

@MissionItsPossible great! Well, I guess that's my discussion with you for tonight over then! Not really sure what else to say. I'm now a racist and a troll

hazy the usual words? You should absolutely feel like you can say something if said tactfully. What a shame that we feel like we can't question what is right and wrong because of our race.

I'm with hazy. Not because you're racist OP, but my lord I'm just sick of the mixed race baby thing. Reading these comments, I must be living in a different world to most of you.

I'm black with a tiny mix of Asian but to most people they see that part of me straight away. They don't want to know which island I'm from they want to know who is not black in my family.

Then there is the only 'real' mixed kid in my family with the 'nice' hair and 'not too dark' etc et al blah blah. I look at my niece and her mother overhearing this and I want to barf and scream at family and set them straight.

The non black men who want to make babies with me because our babies would be beautiful. The black men who want to make babies with me because our babies would be beautiful. Spits You haven't even told me I'm beautiful

Of course you're not racist and you have every right to wonder what your baby would look like (mine looks like me, and I'm unsure how to feel about that) but that woman probably heard all she needed to for the trigger to go off.

We’ve had lots of samey parking threads too, we can’t all have unique social conundrums you know grin

My internet enjoyment metre is now full at only 00:29

She’s being ridiculous

YANBU at all!

Apparently I was being racist in saying that when a person has a mixture of races they are often interesting looking

Why - do people who aren't a mixture of races NOT look interesting..?

Why would you have this type of conversation very publicly when you know very well there are some ignorant people out there who fetishise complexion, and act as if diluted black = "Super-Race?"

Not that I've met any in real life, I read their comments online and think who are these odd people? It's a shame a lot of people think their warped mindset applies to us all. It doesn't.

Going on and on about the colour of your baby I would find odd, and would immediately think colourism/shadeism is your mindset.

I am dark skinned, DP is mixed race. I'm trying to visualise myself, in company, going on about my baby's colour or complexion. I wouldn't, it's embarrassing. & not something I'd do in private either actually.

As you're mixed race you are well aware what the issues are. God forbid your baby should be a throwback to your African ancestry...

You have what you came here for: a thread full of white women validating what you said. In the real world if any have a black partner - & I am sure some do - I bet you wouldn't find them in real life, in the middle of the office going on about their baby/child's complexion. There's a reason why.

Others that don't have black partners may simply not get it. Even if you do.

Still - you can find a way to approach your work colleague somehow and I'm sure you will get your precise answer. It also may be that some colleagues will think you were being racist so you won't necessarily be deemed "right".

Maybe you should just be quiet.

I don't think you were being racist OP, as a mixed-race person I was shocked to discover I could have white blonde kids with green eyes, it didn't occure to me that I could until I met a lady a bit darker than me with her 3 kids the two girls had more of a spanish skin tone, one with straight hair, the other one curly and her little boy was pasty-white with very light blonde hair and light green eyes. I was fascinated!

You would have never guessed that any of them had any African heritage (if not for the curls) in them and the mum confessed to me that people often assumed her kids were adopted.

I personally find it fascinating how genetic works and that I can pretty much have a child of any skin tone depending on the partner I have it with. Not that the skin tone of the baby matter of course, but it's always interesting when there is this type of background and mixeties to figure out what (and who) the child will ultimately look like.

I can also understand the lady's frustration is she happens to be black. I am mixed race like I said and while it has it's downsides, I was fetichized quite a lot and still receive endless comments about my hair, my skin tone and everything else in between that's ever remotely related to me being mixed and while I never enjoyed the attention, I am also fully conscious that people unfortunately feel quite differently towards darker babies. it's a real shame and shouldn't happen but it does happen and if this lady has been made to feel growing up that she wasn't good enough or that her kids weren't as cute as lighter toned baby I can see why she is bothered by people having such an interest in race and is taking it out on you even though it's obviously not warranted.