DP snooped and found porn in my search history

[ChocolateTopping]

6 months pregnant. DP won't have sex with me because he feels uncomfortable with it. Totally understand and happy with this as we've always had a good sex life and he makes me feel beautiful in lots of other ways. Thing is, since being pregnant my sex drive hasn't decreased. It's not massive like some people either but it's there.

I've started watching a bit of porn. Not excessively, but maybe once or twice a week when I'm in the mood. Nothing weird, I use a site specifically for women, and watch pretty vanilla videos. Nothing that would raise an eyebrow.

DP found the history on my laptop and has kicked off. He does use it but I have a feeling he was snooping. Told me it is disrespectful and that he thinks it is wrong to watch porn whilst pregnant. Thinks he is not good enough and thinks I am being utterly awful in watching this whilst pregnant. I know he watches porn occasionally and it doesn't bother me. We had an argument as this is a massive double standard and it's clearly brought out an insecurity that I didn't know about.

So. AIBU to think that it's ok for me to watch porn whilst pregnant, and that HIBU to not have sex with me, but still be upset with me watching porn (even when he occasionally watches himself)?

We don't usually argue but he's tried to make me feel bad and like I've been sneaky by watching porn whilst he is at work and I'm home on my own. Never thought it was a big deal but clearly to him it is...

Of course YANBU. He watches porn occasionally and so do you. The fact that you're pregnant is totally irrelevant. Is he going to be uncomfortable with you having a sex drive once the baby's here because "you're a mother now"?

Your DP is being weird and controlling. I think you should talk to someone at Women's Aid and ask about red flags during pregnancy.

No, I don't think it's okay to watch porn, but he clearly does so he's being a massive hypocrite.

I think both of you ought to look into how women in the porn industry are cheated, and reassess how you get your kicks.

@AlphaBravo huh?

What’s good for the goose is good for the gander...

YANBU.

alpha why shouldn't this be real? Don't you think women watch porn?
Op, yanbu at all, he is being utterly ridiculous. Of course being pregnant doesn't matter.

YADNBU. He doesn't want sex which of course is 110% fine. However if you're still frisky which many pregnant women are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting your thrills from porn.
Also why is there one rule for him and one for you.

I might be new to mn but I'm not making anything up. Why does everyone answer sensibly when it's a woman complaining of finding porn on their partner's history but now it's the other way round I'm a liar?

daily it's not up to you to 'educate' us all about porn, thanks. Ugh these threads always deteriorate into ' all porn stars are being exploited you know!'
Give over- you wear clothes don't you? People in sweat shops are being exploited there too.

Sounds like he needs some counselling over his Madonna / whore complex...

I have no issue with porn. I don't watch it that often and never watched it before I was pregnant as didn't need to. There are lots of industries that exploit people. Maybe I should stop wearing clothes and eating avocados too!

@Souledout what's that for?

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream I watch more porn than most men and also work in the industry. Thanks. I know many, many women watch porn.

Why does you being pregnant change anything? That seems to be the focus of his issue.

He’s behaving like a prick

Had he forgotten you are still a human woman and not just a walking incubator?

@Nothisispatrick I think he just thinks I shouldn't be sexual whilst pregnant. He isn't comfortable with us having sex because he thinks the baby can tell (yes I know this is ridiculous as an unborn baby has no concept of sex) - I accepted he feels like this and we don't have sex, or do anything sexual. I guess maybe he feels that it's the same if I'm on my own. He's in a massive strop and won't talk to me about it.

It means @Souledout is getting comfy to watch the replies on your post. Possibly doesn’t think it’s real either.

@AlphaBravo what about my thread don't you agree with? Honestly am curious as it is completely genuine.

My search history would probably turn his hair white 😂
Tell him to get a bloody grip. You're a woman with raging hormones.

Does he think the baby is watching porn too?

As someone upthread said, this Madonna/Whore thing of his is going to cause significant problems in your future relationship. If he can't accept the fact that 'mother' and 'sexual being' can exist in the same person, then your sex life is effectively dead.

He needs to sort his head out.

@UpstartCrow we've been together 3 years and never had an issue like this one before. Not something I would contact women's aid over, I'd feel a bit silly!

He is being unreasonable and you need to learn to go incognito!