DP snooped and found porn in my search history

[ChocolateTopping]

6 months pregnant. DP won't have sex with me because he feels uncomfortable with it. Totally understand and happy with this as we've always had a good sex life and he makes me feel beautiful in lots of other ways. Thing is, since being pregnant my sex drive hasn't decreased. It's not massive like some people either but it's there.

I've started watching a bit of porn. Not excessively, but maybe once or twice a week when I'm in the mood. Nothing weird, I use a site specifically for women, and watch pretty vanilla videos. Nothing that would raise an eyebrow.

DP found the history on my laptop and has kicked off. He does use it but I have a feeling he was snooping. Told me it is disrespectful and that he thinks it is wrong to watch porn whilst pregnant. Thinks he is not good enough and thinks I am being utterly awful in watching this whilst pregnant. I know he watches porn occasionally and it doesn't bother me. We had an argument as this is a massive double standard and it's clearly brought out an insecurity that I didn't know about.

So. AIBU to think that it's ok for me to watch porn whilst pregnant, and that HIBU to not have sex with me, but still be upset with me watching porn (even when he occasionally watches himself)?

We don't usually argue but he's tried to make me feel bad and like I've been sneaky by watching porn whilst he is at work and I'm home on my own. Never thought it was a big deal but clearly to him it is...

Being pregnant is irrelevant here. So is the porn actually. The fact is that he has no right to kick off at you for doing anything that he does himself!

I would like to know the url of your vanilla women porn site

ramsay I didn't think I needed to as he has his own profile on my laptop. For some reason he used mine which I why I suspect he was snooping as opposed to stumbling across it by accident!

charity to be honest it's just regular porn, and I'm sure there are less vanilla videos on there but the ones I choose to watch are just 'normal' videos. Aka fairly boring sex in bed! It's called forhertube - I'm sure many of them are exactly the same as what men watch too but I prefer the selection they have on there to your more popular sites!

I think I would be pissed off that he didn't want to have sex because you're pregnant (and you're allowed to watch porn - he can't tell you what to do) . How horrible.

out I don't mind that he doesn't want to have sex. After doing my research a lot of men (and women) feel this way so it can't be that abnormal. I guess if he isn't comfortable he isn't comfortable. I would hate to have sex knowing that he wasn't enjoying it...

I would MAYBE be able to understand a little more if he didn't watch it himself out of principle, but he does and he's even told me he does before so it's not like he has any sort of issue with porn or the industry. He just doesn't want ME watching it.

There’s lots of issues here:

1. The fact he watches porn and doesn’t allow you to

1. The fact he thinks you can’t have sex while your pregnant (what will he be like when he has children in the house? They don’t just stay in bed you know- my DPs brother who is 3 has walked in on us 2 or 3 times)

1. The fact he’s going snooping on your laptop and he knows your password- is that because he asked you for it?

Alarm bells are ringing here OP. Sorry but they are.

Sorry, missed the focus on the fact he doesn't agree with viewing whilst pregnant
But even so, his reaction is crazy.

Please dont feel silly, just give them a ring.

When women on here find their husbands watching pornthey are told to leave and that they wouldn’t tolerate it and told it would be a red line

Now we find when it’s a women everyone says oooh it’s fine poor thing

@MayContainBrain I know, we have never had issues surrounding sex before!

He doesn't think we can't have sex, he just doesn't feel comfortable with it. I thought lots of men didn't?

Why not you both between you find alternative methods of sexual pleasure? You are both idiots imo!!! You trust each other enough to conceive a child together and then you come out with this crap? Work it out between you!

@Metoodear isn't the difference here though that my DP watches it himself? The women who don't like their partners watching it on here don't tend to watch it themselves so actually they are entitled to voice their opinion on how they disagree with it. If they came on mn as said 'I watch porn but don't want DP to watch it' I think you'd find a similar reaction to that which is on this thread?

Sounds like he needs some counselling over his Madonna / whore complex...

Exactly this ^

Not what I’m mainly concerned about- it’s the snooping and knowing your password.

Sounds controlling to me. I’m not being judgemental but here to talk if you need.

'I don't mind that he doesn't want to have sex. After doing my research a lot of men (and women) feel this way so it can't be that abnormal. I guess if he isn't comfortable he isn't comfortable.'

But it is not normal at all - it sounds like he has massive issues. And it is his responsibility to sort those out & not yours. Otherwise once the baby is born he'll be the same / worse because he'll worry the baby can hear you having sex etc. It's like he can't see you as a sexual person and a mother at the same time. How does he think you got pregnant in the first place??

Yanbu, in fact he is behaving appallingly, how dare he refuse to have sex with you but watch porn himself and then argue and ignore you when you do. Wtf?? Who does he think he is??

Also not sure why you are getting the disbelief and the biscuits ffs

@Touchmybum how am I an idiot? bit harsh don't you think? What have I done wrong here?

out I don't think he can't see me as a mother and sexual being. I think he just finds it weird that his penis only a few inches away from a baby. That's how he's described it to me. Even if I don't understand that, I do respect it. Not much I can do. I can't make him have sex with me.

@Returnofthesmileybar thank you!

I don't know why either I literally don't know what I've done wrong by posting this. Women on here post all the time that they've found porn on their DPs phone/computer but when it's the other way round it's totally unbelievable

You can't make him have sex with you but you can suggest he seeks counselling for his unreasonable behaviour which is causing issues in your relationship before they kill the relationship. I've never heard of men saying they don't want to have sex with their pregnant wife / gf. Pregnancy is a sexy time for lots of women and sex is an important part of a relationship. Declaring no sex for 9 months is certainly enough to damage the intimacy a couple have.

out that's really interesting as I know a few people who haven't had sex whilst pregnant for this exact reason. I also know men who find their partners more attractive whilst pregnant. I guess I am just unlucky. I have honestly never felt sexier..

There are other things you can do, but if he thinks of 'sex' as 'penis in vagina' and is disgusted by you being sexually active while pregnant, I think there are deeper issues.

upstart that's the bit I find disturbing. I can bring myself to understand that he won't have sex whilst I'm pregnant, but him thinking I shouldn't be sexual at all whilst I have a baby in me is what bothers me.