DP snooped and found porn in my search history

[ChocolateTopping]

6 months pregnant. DP won't have sex with me because he feels uncomfortable with it. Totally understand and happy with this as we've always had a good sex life and he makes me feel beautiful in lots of other ways. Thing is, since being pregnant my sex drive hasn't decreased. It's not massive like some people either but it's there.

I've started watching a bit of porn. Not excessively, but maybe once or twice a week when I'm in the mood. Nothing weird, I use a site specifically for women, and watch pretty vanilla videos. Nothing that would raise an eyebrow.

DP found the history on my laptop and has kicked off. He does use it but I have a feeling he was snooping. Told me it is disrespectful and that he thinks it is wrong to watch porn whilst pregnant. Thinks he is not good enough and thinks I am being utterly awful in watching this whilst pregnant. I know he watches porn occasionally and it doesn't bother me. We had an argument as this is a massive double standard and it's clearly brought out an insecurity that I didn't know about.

So. AIBU to think that it's ok for me to watch porn whilst pregnant, and that HIBU to not have sex with me, but still be upset with me watching porn (even when he occasionally watches himself)?

We don't usually argue but he's tried to make me feel bad and like I've been sneaky by watching porn whilst he is at work and I'm home on my own. Never thought it was a big deal but clearly to him it is...

@Branleuse I still don't really understand this complex theory. Are you saying OP's partner saw her as a whore until she got pregnant, and now he sees her as a Madonna / virgin figure? Or Vice versa?

Not literally. Someone with a Madonna/Whore complex see women in two categories - those you marry and have a family with (Madonnas) and those you just have sex with (whores). It's a pretty common theory, I'm surprised you haven't heard of it.

@steff13 how does that work for men who marry women and have sex with them? Do they see them as sexual or just motherly?

You really need to explain to him that it's your body and as long as you're not doing anything to harm the baby then he doesn't get a say.
I'd probably just be saying 'fuck off' though.

@sparkling123 have you never heard a man say things like 'she's a hit it and quit it' etc? It means the woman is sexy and a 'whore' and therefore not relationship material not that they wouldn't have sex with their wife? Google would probably explain it better!

sparkling123 it's a psychological disorder like any other; there are variations. He may have "vanilla" sex with his wife, but if he wants to do something less vanilla, he might seek out another woman to do that with. Or he may be unable to perform with his wife at all.

I would be pissed off to no end if my DP suddenly stopped wanting to have sex with me. I’m 24 weeks pregnant and sex is quite awkward at times but I’m so glad we still have an active sex life. He needs to get a grip, the baby has absolutely no idea what is going on and sex is very healthy for you both.

Also agree about the double standards. He can’t watch it then have a bitch at you for doing the same, it’s so wrong.

Is that because of pregnancy?

Get a note from your midwife saying it's ok for you to watch porn.

Also suggest watching something a bit stronger that will really give him something to feel inadequate about.

Is that because of pregnancy?

It's a psychological disorder. Who knows what sets it off? You wouldn't expect everyone with schizophrenia or any other disorder to behave the same way, would you?

I'm not saying this is what's going on; I was just explaining the disorder because it seemed like you genuinely didn't understand it.

Im not diagnosing him, but its pretty common amongst sexually repressed men that they seperate women into categories as pure and impure. They venerate the position of "mother" as to be pure and non sexual , so it affects their sex life as the woman is held up on some unwanted pedestal of purity and the man cant cope with the idea of the mother of his child also being a sexual being.

Ok Bran that explanation makes more sense. Thank you

to be fair on @RenoAurelia she hasn't got children.

Twice a day is pretty standard depending on age and how long you've been with your partner (if you haven't got children)

Total made up bollocks that you have to be having orgasms or full of sperm to get the baby out though

Semen only ever caused painful braxton hicks for me and I still went massively overdue every time.

@CaledonianQueen Lol Friend of Scarecrow, nope he is four years older than me and actually an intelligent man! He was 25 when we met and 29 when our ds was born. He learned absolutely nothing about female anatomy growing up, he actually dropped a corker at the time of my first pregnancy, we were discussing anatomy, particularly catheter related. He had no idea that the urethra was separate and had assumed that women pee out of their vagina! He was mortified

Depressingly I don't think it's really that uncommon, It's almost like no one think it's important enough to bother to teach properly in schools

He's sexist and hypocritical