DP snooped and found porn in my search history

[ChocolateTopping]

6 months pregnant. DP won't have sex with me because he feels uncomfortable with it. Totally understand and happy with this as we've always had a good sex life and he makes me feel beautiful in lots of other ways. Thing is, since being pregnant my sex drive hasn't decreased. It's not massive like some people either but it's there.

I've started watching a bit of porn. Not excessively, but maybe once or twice a week when I'm in the mood. Nothing weird, I use a site specifically for women, and watch pretty vanilla videos. Nothing that would raise an eyebrow.

DP found the history on my laptop and has kicked off. He does use it but I have a feeling he was snooping. Told me it is disrespectful and that he thinks it is wrong to watch porn whilst pregnant. Thinks he is not good enough and thinks I am being utterly awful in watching this whilst pregnant. I know he watches porn occasionally and it doesn't bother me. We had an argument as this is a massive double standard and it's clearly brought out an insecurity that I didn't know about.

So. AIBU to think that it's ok for me to watch porn whilst pregnant, and that HIBU to not have sex with me, but still be upset with me watching porn (even when he occasionally watches himself)?

We don't usually argue but he's tried to make me feel bad and like I've been sneaky by watching porn whilst he is at work and I'm home on my own. Never thought it was a big deal but clearly to him it is...

(Had sex twice TODAY - we have sex/make love/snuggle intimately almost every day)

He's being a massive baby.

Of course YANBU

And solidarity. Also 6 months pregnant, also not getting any off DP, also using porn! Girl got needs!

YANBU, it's fine!

not all people are perfect or have perfect reactions, it sounds like he may be reacting to his feelings of male inadequacy but covering it by saying you shouldn't feel sexual.

He's definitely unreasonable, if you can - Just try and talk it through, anger in this situation might tear you apart, you're about to have a rocket thrown into your relationship with a baby anyhow. If you can try and talk gently it might result in some more honest reactions. Good luck! X

Oh, I feel terrible for you. My DP won’t have sex with me either now, he says its weird. He works abroad half the time normally, and we have a very healthy “text-life” when he is away, including watching porn. I respect his wishes, I get he thinks it’s weird, but he would never stop me enjoying myself privately, and I think your partner is being extremely selfish. I think a lot of it has to do with attitudes towards pregnant women in general, we are supposed to be warm milky mothers to be, all homemade bread and organic socks, wholesome etc. Not incredibly horny sex mad beasts who just want a good seeing to lol.
I would give him time. There is no point shouting and rowing, wait until things have calmed and then maybe go for a drive, keep it light and calm and explain that you are human, you have urges, you’re not hurting the baby, and if he doesn’t want to know what you get up to privately, he shouldn’t be snooping around.
I hope it’s sorted out for you, men can be a right pain in the bum sometimes!

Thats wonderful to hear, Reno
However. The words wound salt and rubbing come to mind

@RenoAurelia your post sounds smug and makes it sound like sex is key for labour. Therefore making those not having sex because perhaps they are single or not in a current sexually compatible relationship feel like they a failing or inadequate

Very pleased you're doing well and a little TMI on your sex life 🙈

There again we all know what they say about empty vessels shouting the loudest, don't we.
I'm sorry but with work and life in general it's just not humanly possible to be shagging 2 times a day every day. Me and dp are lucky we get to fit it in 2 times a week, lately.

@Metoodear he watches porn so your post makes no sense!

@ChocolateTopping have you asked him how often he's masturbating whilst he's refusing you sex? Is he expecting you to stop your sexual urges but he's are ok? Ok, he doesn't want actual PIV sex because it's weird! ( it's not weird, but he is) what about other types of sexual contact and mutual pleasure?

I would be fuming with him for a number of reasons never mind him not taking to you!

How do you look into each others eyes and have sex at 40wks pregnant? One or the other, surely?

RenoAurelia
No one likes a show off, how exactly is your response helping OP?

@sparkling123 I was slightly confused! 😂

RenoAurelia
Gives a far too graphic description of her sex life

@Ghanagirl
Best response ever

No one likes a show off

Sorry if this is weird but what site do you use? I struggle to find anything that is appealing to me (as a woman)

YANBU your partner sounds a bit of a dick, you are pregnant and doing all the work of course you should be able to watch what you want how on earth is it disrespectful? It's not like the baby is gonna hear this and remember this!

I have no issue with porn and being pregnant is irrelevant.

id be really concerned he had a madonna /whore complex and this will not get better when youre a mother

@Branleuse can you explain the madonna / whore complex please?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex

He sees women as either sexual whores that are attractive, or pure mothers who should be respected but never sexual

Bit of a problem for actual women who are nuanced and whole people

I thought Renos post was rather nice!

It's a shame some men go off sex during this time, first of all they are missing out on a woman being extra horny when sex might not happen for a long time after baby is born, and also because it feels very shallow. Their sexual attraction stops because of a belly?
He is being a total hypocrite with the porn thing!

Other people may opt out, but the healthiest pregnancies include lots and lots of orgasms, penetration, non-penetrative sex, oral sex, touching.

Not sure about others but after my 2nd massive bleed, and contractions at 22, 28 and 31 weeks, I was advised no sex at all. Penetrative or not. DD was perfectly healthy when she finally arrived.