AIBU to feel left out?

[BobblyBits]

I try really hard with the mums at school. I’ve recently organised a night out. I also help other mums when they ask for help (e.g. if our children do the same club helping with lifts). However I’ve noticed when others organise fun things I’m never invited.

I live far from my family. I have no natural support network. Facebook the great revealer has just shown me a whole group of mums most of who I’m quite close to all on a day trip out with their kids and I had absolutely no knowledge of it!

What’s going on? What am I doing wrong? Am I trying too hard and actually I’m of use to these people to a point but then I’m of no use at all? I feel so so sad. These are people who we’ve had play dates (unreciprocated) just loads of stuff - curries, drinks, had them to our house and then they organise stuff and don’t invite us. I feel like giving up and becoming a recluse! Least that way I can’t feel disappointed if I’m not doing stuff for others then I can’t feel disappointed that we’re not invited to social stuff. Aibu. I’m exhausted. I just been trying to build a network of friends and it’s not happening. Maybe I try too hard.

Thanks @randommess.

Maybe they just click to together op? I know it sucks but everyone becomes friends with everyone

🙁
I totally get this. I know, by sight, nearly every parent in the playground. Always talk to people. Make the effort to talk to whoever is near, invites, play dates etc.
But if I don't initiate contact I would stand by myself in silence and it's rare anyone comes to talk to me, although always willing to stand and talk for a while in and out of school.

I don't know. Maybe it's a mixture of things.
Sometimes some people just click better and spend time with them. Sometimes their children become really good friends so they stick together. Sometimes people have enough friends so aren't bothered about making the effort.

As for the group meeting up. It could easily have been an oversight. Ie the main person organising mentioned it to one or two and it just didn't get to you.

I know it's tempting to give up but I've been doing it for years now and I have managed to make friends with a few people. There are still the unreciprocated play dates etc but I go with what my kids want. If they want a friend round then I'm happy to always have them here. I know quite a few of the parents work so it's hard for them to reciprocate anyway.

Don't give up.
Hugs to you.

Draw back on the helping out. I used to be like this then thought fuck it, I'll not go out of my way, if there's a friendship there it will grow.

I’ve never got this either. Sir Mum’s do bugger all and everyone fawns over them. Some try so very hard and get snubbed. Then there are plenty in the middle that are fairly invisible I suppose.

It’s really interesting but also upsetting to see.

People suck.

I had a group of good friends (going back several years) and they’ve kind of dumped me lately, like you... I often find out about nights out once I see the pics on social media, or I see one of them has tagged all the others in an upcoming event but omitted me..

I’ve not done anything to cause any upset, so whether it’s because I can’t always get childcare or something I’m not aware of I’m not sure.

Feels pretty mean though. Thankfully I do have a few other friends.. find different mates somewhere else OP. Don’t dwell on these ones

Yes. I know everyone is busy too. This would be totally outing but this was an amazing day out today. It’s been well organised. One of that group I’ve actually known for 10 years outside the school group and we talk 2-3 times a week. We used to work together and I’m really hurt that she hasn’t mentioned it at all. Really hurt.

Practically try and make an effort with the others that are more on the outside of the group. I would try and meet other people locally via other means.

I've relocated and it takes a long time to meet friends rather than acquaintances.

It is incredibly hurtful. Especially if you are a very inclusive person yourself.

Thanks for the flowers. It’s such a first world problem. Had an argument with my husband this morning and struggle being so far from family. This felt a bit like the icing on the cake. Yes some people naturally click. I need to probably stop the organising too. I’m so fed up. Nearly summer hols now. We’re away a lot of the time. I’m glad.

It’s really as it’s all school mums. So we do all know each other. I feel so weak and needy. I’m usually stronger but this has taken the biscuit!

Where are you Bobbly, anywhere near London?

That sucks and isent very nice. Pull back, don't organise anything, and don't help them. A lot of school gate mum's can be cliquey, and in their own groups. You don't have to make school gate mum friends, I haven't, due to not really gelling with them, only s couple. Can you join clubs, societies, to make friends.

I know it’s a cliche but you sound like a nice person so it’s their loss. I would ease back on the helping out and be guided by your kids as to who they want to socialise with. Is there any hobbies or activities that you like - could you join a club or go to a class maybe away from the “mum gang” and meet new people that way?

Op stop trying with these mother's, they sound like freeloaders, they are only "friends" when they can get something and then drop you...instead see of there are any mums not part of this grouo, and try what the them instead, I bet you would have more luck..

It's not you, you sound lovely, the issue is with them, you deserve better op

You are right in a sense about the first world problem.

People don’t need friends and community like they do in lesser developed countries. And so the more ugly and selfish aspects of human nature can rise to the surface.

*if

*Group

I am so immersed in my hobbies and lifeI don't give them a second thought. I would also delete them off Facebook, I found it helped as my Face essential rubbed in every so often, and the dramas were cut out.

*talk to them..not what to them

It sucks, and it does hurt, but you should stop doing things that don't get reciprocated.

Perhaps talk to the one who you've known for over 10 years, ask her why you're never invited and tell her how much it hurts to be treated like this.

Does your child click well with the others? Just grasping at straws really.
It sucks, stop organising and ask your oldest friend why? If she's a good friend she'll be honest with you.

You’re an outsider, as am I. I know I can never be as close to the friends who have grown up together, shared whole lives together. So I don’t try to.

I don’t have these friends because I moved away. I have my husband and my children. I have learned to let it go. I invite who I like to my house and day trips and try not to care so much.

I have moved around a fair bit and have got used to my own company. I have friends but no one really close. My dh is my best friend.

nasty things, I hope they get excluded from something and see how it feels. FB is the work of the devil.

One of that group I’ve actually known for 10 years outside the school group and we talk 2-3 times a week.
Why not casually mention it to her and say that you're wondering if you've done something wrong because you never get any invites. You've nothing to lose really.