A letter to my son's ex-girlfriend...

[QueenOfTheAndals]

AIBU to think that the ex-girlfriend has had a lucky escape? MiL from hell ahoy!

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/jul/14/letter-to-sons-ex-girlfriend-terminated-pregnancy

as soon as I met you, I knew you weren't right for him

..ah butt out, interferer. I agree with the others, the girl dodged 2 bullets.

I am with AynRand on this. A sad situation for all concerned.

Bloody hell. "My son couldn't go with you as he was feeling low". Yeah, I'm sure the woman having the termination was on top of the world! She's definitely had a lucky escape.

Oh that's god awful. No wonder she doesn't know where the ex gf is.

Thought it was OK, she was writing about her perspective of the situation - up until the part about he was too low to go with her to the clinic and criticising the girl’s mother for not being there instead. He really wasn’t good at stepping up, was he ? and it doesn’t reflect well on the writer for making excuses for him. I think other readers would have would have turned off at that point , too.

Pengggwyn

Your relationship was on its last legs when he told me that you were pregnant. As you know, he’s been through a lot over the last few years and he didn’t need this

Newsflash; condoms are available. Maybe the MIL should buy her son a packet instead of blaming the woman.

Penggwyn

To expand on what Bibesia says, MobileSite, "a letter to..." is a regular feature in the Guardian and people in all sorts of situations contribute.

Mobile, those 'letters' in the Gaurniad aren't written by staff writers. You, too, could write one and have it published...

Thank goodness she DOESN’T have her her address. This should be required reading, on the subject ‘how not to be a narcissist’.

I obviously have a lower humour threshold than musicposy

This letter is lacking in context and detail so it is difficult to form an opinion. The crux of it is that she is saying that she was unsure of the match in the first place, thought the relationship was fraught, considered the pregnancy poor timing but nevertheless would have welcomed a grandchild. We don’t know why the son didn’t feel able attend the termination...so no snap judgement there.

So yeah...I don’t know. I can’t get a steam up over it. There’s very little to go on.

It's all a bit self indulgent?

Most people I know who have had terminations haven't involved their parents / family in their decision?

The way the writer describes the young woman seems to me to perhaps be very similar character to her: intense, possessive. Bet she can’t see it though.

There’s an awful lot of blame in there. As for the paragraph starting “your relationship”, I’m open mouthed. Interesting use of words to describe a relationship. Saying “your” instead of “the” to me blames. Then “he didn’t need this”. Really?? Then her scuppering the writers plan to introduce “my grandchild” into her family. And the blaming of the woman’s mother.

Just because she’s used pretty descriptives and tried to wrap it all up in a bow, it doesn’t mean the writer is in any way empathising. Im sure this is the palatable, watered down version of the situation and events.

Self indulgent is right. Maybe the ex GF was driven mad by the son being so ...wet. That might have caused her quixotic behaviour and mood swings. The writer needs to take her rose tinted specs off in relation to her son. Son needs to have a long break away from his mother, probably on another continent.

I do see the points everyone is making - BUT, if I'd ever been expecting a grandchild, then found one of my daughters, or sons' girlfriends had terminated I know I would have felt very sad. And, yes, I agree it's nowt to do with me, but that feeling would be there.
Wouldn't have written an open letter to a newspaper tho'

How absolutely fucking dare she! What a bitch!

'I couldn't understand why your mother didnt attend'.

How about why the fuck did your son make his GF go to her termination all alone! C*nts. The pair of them!!

I wrote a letter once to that Guardian column. It's always therapeutic to know that your feelings are out there and have been read and acknowledged by someone. It's all anonymous so nobody is in any way harmed by it. There were no identifying details.

Yuck.
I don't think this is a sad situation actually. Crap relationship, tested by the pregnancy.
When I went for an abortion in a very similar situation I didn't take anyone. I wanted to be at peace with MY decision MYSELF. Impossible with any interested parties tagging along.
I went in, couldn't take the pill and walked right back out.

The girl can move on now. The son can move on.
Nothing to do with the MIL.

What a deluded, misogynistic, childish wreck of a woman.
I hope the 'DIL' doesn't ever come across this shit.

I think this is just written by a journalist ti get a rise

As you know, he’s been through a lot over the last few years and he didn’t need this

Hahaha, this was exactly how I felt when I had an unplanned/unwanted pregnancy

Sorry but I can just imagine my ex’s mother writing this. He sat in the fucking car while I went in to the clinic alone. Didn’t realise anyone was questioning my own mother’s role in all this (it had nothing to do with her!)

I don’t think for a moment that this piece is about me but honestly it makes me laugh, the whole “she got herself pregnant/my poor son” side of things.

Whenever I remember my experience (not too often) I am SO glad that I ended that pregnancy and went on to have more children and a happy life with someone else.

I think this is just written by a journalist ti get a rise @confusedbeetle I agree. It’s like a ‘true confessions’ mag but with a misogynistic twist.

the girlfriend sounds like she dodged a bullet on both fronts

This ^^ With fucking bells on!!!

He sure does need to go to another continent! I visualise him as snivelling, unhealthily thin with dark circles under his eyes and hiding behind his bedroom door ready to dive under the covers at any second. Poor lamb.

I think this article is aimed at highlighting the fact that once a child has been conceived unplanned, so as a result of a failure of both parties, once the pregnancy is confirmed, one party is left with the full control of what happens next whilst the other has none, despite the significant consequences of one choice over another for both.

They could have got a guy to write it, but this has already been done over and over, so bringing a bit of a twist and adding the affect of the lack of choice of one party on their family was felt to draw more sensationalism, which is clearly working!