Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Dog owner here, we got our dog at 6 months old, he's now 2 1/2. He can be shouty, especially when excited, wanting to play ball or something, but we have trained him that he has to lay down, and stop barking, I have my hand raised and slowly lower it down towards me, and say stop or no! It took a few times, and training treats, but he now knows that he shouldn't bark. Use his name, and change tone of voice, when telling him a command. Give him a treat or even say 'Good boy' and a pet for when he does as he's told.

Unless there is a reason, we allow him to bark at the door, as he is doing his job and protecting us, but tbh he usually growls and sits by us.

Our ndn dog is quite annoying, as soon as the ndn goes out, it stands on the window ledge and yap for hours until ndn returns.

I think electric collars arw banned in UK.
We used one that vibrates against the dog's throat when they bark above a certain volume. Not cruel

Ok I was being OTT with 15 seconds, maybe 30 seconds to a min. But 2 minutes of solid barking is a really long time. A toddler shrieking for 2 solid mins would be just as annoying. If OP is going straight to the dog it shouldn't be that long anyway. As for DD, we don't have a garden so I've not had to deal with that yet but I'm sure I will have to one day.

5 minutes continuous barking is a lot tbh. I have 2 dogs who can be a bit barky. One "woof-woof" is ok, a second "woof-woof" and they come in.

I wouldn't leave them out if I wasn't on hand to get them in immediately.

Have a look at careforreactivedogs.com/teaching-key-dris/

Your neighbours can't seem to make up their minds about their dog; first they said they'd got a dog that didn't bark, now they're saying your dog has 'taught theirs to bark'. It can't be both, they're fibbing. I can just imagine your dog sitting there saying 'Now, after me... BARK!'.

I'm not a dog owner but I was intrigued by this dog that really doesn't bark, the Basenji. Apparently it 'can't' bark but it does make a lot of other noises. It's not a quiet dog at all, it yodels, wines and makes other noises, just no actual barks.

Any kind of collar (shock, vibrate or citronella) is not suitable in a situation where another dog barking might trigger the collar to correct the dog who is wearing it.

Its much better to introduce the dogs, take them on each others territory, and take them for walks together. But for OP to do that she needs the NDN's puppy to be old enough, and for them to co-operate.

If you can persuade the neighbour to co-operate, get them together for play dates, both on his territory and on the pups. Do it every day for a few fun minutes. Walk them both round the gardens on their leads, and they'll stop seeing each other as intruders.

Excellent advice. My neighbour did this with her other neighbour and the dogs are such good friends now that they never bark. However, they ended up having a dog-sized hole made in one of the fence panels so the dogs can get together whenever they want.

Although her dog and my dog are buddies and love walks together, they aren't at all bothered by each other in the garden.

Gosh, more replies, thank you.

For those who haven’t RTFT, we don’t let the dog out in the garden when we aren’t there. We bring him in when he barks but occasionally have to come from inside the house to do so. We do not leave his barking unmanaged. The barking has increased recently as next door have bought a dog. They feel our dog has taught theirs to bark.

We are going to start keeping a record of when he barks - I think we may be getting the blame for some other dogs too - to make sure that we are appreciating all of the noise he makes. We will get a behaviouralist in if our positive reinforcement of quiet / staying away from their side of the garden and bringing him in when he barks doesn’t work. Once their puppy has been to some classes and they see what dog play is like I will introduce them but at the moment I think they might perceive playing as too rough. The fence is being done in 10 days, so hopefully that will help too. I have no idea whose fence it is but we’ll be paying for the amendments.

Thanks for everyone for their thoughts and advice. I appreciate my AIBU sounds extreme but it’s really spoilt the house and garden for me as I don’t think we will be able to attain the expected standard of no barking.

I would go round to all of your neighbours and have a chat with them. Say neighbour 1 has told you they are unhappy about your dog barking, apologise and ask them exactly what and when they hear. That way you can get an idea of how bad the problem is, whether neighbour 1 is lying and what you need to tackle. Then speak to a dog behaviourist or similar and training etc. Good luck.

Firstly, you sound really lovely and I can hear in your posts just how much this is upsetting you. You are clearly a responsible dog owner and i think these neighbours are trying to bully you, probably taking advantage of your nice nature. If they want silence they need to move to somewhere without neighbours. It's disgusting that they have made you feel so bad.

We don't have a dog but a few of our neighbours do. They bark sometimes and set each other off but their owners do the same as you, try to quieten them down or bring them in. It wouldn't enter my head to complain.

I wouldn't pander to these neighbours. Sort your fence out and then just continue as you are. Let them move, if they feel they have to. But don't let them bring you down and make you feel bad.

@perfectly1mperfect that’s so lovely, it’s made me cry. Thank you for the support.

@vocalduck I have considered that but I don’t think it’s fair on the neighbours? Some live alone and I don’t know if they would feel able to be honest with either of us/ we’ve one neighbour who I know will tell me straight so I’ll ask him.

What perfectly said!

@MisstoMrs I think you can talk to the neighbours in a friendly enough manner. You could start it by apologising and saying you hadn’t realised how annoyed people were about your dog barking until neighbour 1 told you and you and it would be really helpful if they could tell you when they hear the most noise so you can make sure it stops. You’ll soon know whether they have any idea what you are talking about or not.

Dogs bark sometimes... it’s unreasonable to expect them to be forever silent... it’s their voice!

Persistent barking with no let up is annoying... but I’m talking longer than five minutes several times a day. A short burst of barking with the owners dealing with it is no big deal.

Imo, your neighbours are BU.

No decent dog trainer/behaviourist would recommend any sort of shock collar. You don't train a dog by frightening it and that is what those collars do

I have a dog, terrier type,who rarely barks unless someone at the door, and neighbours both sides have dogs, next door one side has 2 staffies which are left outside most of the day, and bark and growl even just hearing me doing some weeding near the fence, my dog will only go outside with me,so rarely barks, the next door but one both sides have dogs, but rarely bark enough to annoy anyone
Next door the other side have no dogs and are elderly, but never complained about any of them as far as i know.
I keep my dog inside unless i am outside, with her,and walk her twice a day,
Cant you keep your dog inside but go into the garden with him/her, so its not likely to bark out of boredom etc
Dogs bark, because they are dogs and thats what dogs do
Your neighbour sounds unreasonable
Why do people leave their dogs in the garden,
If i go shopping etc, my dog doesnt bark until she hears me coming in, , but once im in it stops
The only ones that annoy me are the staffies left out all day,and goodness knows why they got them as they recently had a new baby,the dogs came after

Please nobody get that electric shock collar linked to above.

They are utterly barbaric and are banned in the UK for good reason. They are also dangerous for dogs which might have something like an undiagnosed heart condition.

Sadly, they are still accepted in other countries such as the US.

Yeah, I'd move. I reckon your "5 mins" is less than ur neighbors

Also how long have you stayed there? And how long have your neighbours? Are you both homeowners, tenants etc ?

Op you sound very fair and considerate to your neighbours. Dogs bark,kids shout and people grumble and bitch. No dog should be expected to be quiet all the time and people who expect that are unreasonable. Do your best to reduce barking and speak to the other neighbours but this sounds like your ndn being an arse. 🐕🐶

Your neighbours sound incredible uptight, they'll be sueing God for letting the sun shine too long next.

Anti barking collar, vibrates when the dog barks so it's not harmful in the slightest. That way you can relax too x

Just to reiterate, I do not mean the electric shock ones. These ones literally just vibrate and the dog is distracted and stops barking.

It sounds like you have difficult neighbours. They are probably sleep deprived and at their wits end (I remember getting a puppy) and looking for someone to take it out on.

Socialise the dogs, let them play. They'll both calm down. You might just have a vocal dog, but sounds like you're managing it.

As for moving - it's a bit OTT. Everyone has a dog, or a small child, or teenagers inviting their mates round. I used to live next door to a karaoke bar. Let them move if they want to, but I'd suggest you stop worrying about it and leave them to it.