Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Thanks all.

@cuppaandcake we are both homeowners. It will be interesting to see what our records show after a week. It’s definitly been more since they got their puppy and I completely accept that has to change. That said, so far today it’s been once for less than 10 seconds. But that is less than most days even pre-puppy.

Are they a lot older than you? It's strange that they seem to be taking things OTT if it is LITERALLY 5-10 mins daily x

@cuppaandcake they are a bit older I think and don’t have kids. It was a single chap who lived here before so they probably find a family with a dog a big change

Is that an electric shock collar?

It is a static shock. It gives a little buzz after the first few barks and then increases with each bark. After one day we removed it and she is a much calmer dog. She is happier, not neurotic. My husband can take her now to meetings and she is polite to people, actually greets them now instead of barking in their faces non stop. One man yelled, “Shut your god-damned dog up” at one meeting.

I cannot believe it worked as well as it did. People come to the door and she just sits and looks at them instead of leaping up and down barking so loud I can’t hear a word they say.

id rather have a dog barking a few minutes a day than the tv that my neighbours have in the garden originally to watch football but now seem to have on all the while cant wait for it to rain / get cold or both

Dogs bark, it's a fact of life, and a few minutes a day is not nuisance barking. Perhaps you could suggest set times to let your dog out and your neighbors can keep their puppy in at those times. I think they sound bonkers though.

@deadringer in an extreme case I have wondered about that. If all else fails then we may have to learn to share: something tells me they won’t be keen, though.

Dogs bark but it has to be appropriate and not bother anyone else.

I'd suggest that you don't let your do in the garden unsupervised. We have a dog that can jump 6ft fences (though maybe not anymore as she's nearly 13). Because of this she's never been in the garden unsupervised. It's not convenient but it's doable. I also think that the dog shouldn't be allowed out as late as 10 especially in this weather where everyone has their windows open. Most young kids are in bed by 7 and if your dog is waking them up that would put me in a bad mood!

Good luck

Thanks @4yearsnosleep we are trying to do just that. Yesterday he barked twice.

This morning I was woken up by a hot air balloon over the house and a dog barking very loudly. I threw myself out of bed in a panic. And fell over my dog who was alseep on the floor. I took a picture of him to prove he was indoors and not barking. This is making me a nervous wreck ☹️

FreudRogersBeck, those vibrating collars are still not recommended by dog trainers. They still upset and startle the dog

Dogs not allowed in a garden as late as 10pm!!!!!!1 What planet are some of you on?

If my dogs need to toilet at 10pm, 11pm or midnight I let them out. They don't usually bark but might if they saw a fox or something.

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere there is always likely to be some noise even at 10pm or later. Babies crying, cars driving past, motorbikes (they make a hell of a noise often), people talking loudly, car doors slamming etc.

Where I live now is pretty quiet late evening but where I moved from wasn't and it was only a residential area. There always seemed to be car doors slamming, loud music, people talking at the tops of their voices

Your dog should be able to go into the garden and not bark. Barking should be rare, not an every day occurrence. What is the breed? You need to fix the dogs behaviour not the fence.

For anyone who's been and asked the neighbours and the neighbours have said, nooooo, we never hear it, it's not a problem.....you can bet your life that they don't mean it and are just saying it to not antagonise you.

People who let their dogs bark away outside without checking them or addressing it are selfish anti social bastards and should be flogged.

He does only go out for a last wee at 10, before we go to bed. He never barks then. My DH goes out with him then anyway just in case.

He does go into the garden and not bark, its not th care he barks every time. He went into the garden 6/7 times yesterday and barked twice. I’m sorry if that wasn’t clear.

@barkingfuckingdogs if that’s aimed at me I don’t think you’ve read the thread.

I also hate hearing dogs repeatedly bark because to me it signals they are in distress. That needs addressing, absolutely. I also believe that irrespective of the cause - building work, domestic issues, animals, peoples hobbies (instruments, mechanic etc) that everyone should be able to enjoy their home and garden and antisocial noise is not appropriate. However, some noise is inevitable, otherwise we’d all need timetables for when to go outside.

Barkingfuckingdogs is being deliberately goady and should be ignored. Don't feed the ………………..

Shock collars are dangerous and barbaric and are finally on the way to being completely banned in Britain
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/11/animal-cruel-electric-shock-pet-training-collar-ban-england

If shock or spray collars work it's by suppressing behaviour. They don't deal with the root cause, so yeah you might get a quick fix on the barking but you haven't 'fixed' the dog, just made it too scared or confused to react to whatever is bothering it. The dog is still experiencing the same emotions to the original trigger(s) except with the added fear of being repeatedly given an electric shock or sprayed in the face. In the face of this many dogs will just shut down in the triggering situations out of confusion and fear, and unfortunately many people confuse a shut down dog for a 'calm' one when they are really worlds apart. There is a very real risk of the dog associating the thing it's barking at with getting a painful shock or sprayed and reacting with aggression as a defence mechanism and/or out of fear. This doesn't always happen immediately; if you suppress a behaviour without dealing with the root cause and just shut the dog down, the fear and frustration can build up in the dog over literally years until it reaches a point where it 'blows' with often dangerous repercussions.

I tend to find that dog owners are totally delusional about their dog’s barking. My old next door neighbour once said to me that her dog was so well trained that it never barked unnecessarily. My jaw nearly hit the floor. We had to stop washing our car outside as it would bark the whole time we were washing the car. We couldn’t sit in our garden when the dog was out as it would bark non stop.

Barking dogs are a real nuisance.

If you don't want to hear the noise of others, don't live on a road with other people!

@nononsense that is undeniably true but o do think there are degrees. What I want to do is bring our dogs barking to an acceptable level. There has to be one, excuse we all have to do-exist.

Ditto what @Vetoncall said re shock / citronella / vibrating collars etc (and a "static electric collar is no different!). Completely agree, but she said it more eloquently than I could!

MisstoMrs

I posted yesterday. Have just read your last few posts.

I really think that you will never please these neighbours. The amount your dog is barking sounds completely normal so if this isn't acceptable to them, it's their problem not yours.

I can see that this is really causing you a great deal of stress and seems to be taking over your every thought. I really think that once you have got your fence sorted, you need to just live your life. Your dog is allowed to bark the amount that he does, your child is entitled to play and laugh and squeal in your garden. Living causes a certain amount of noise ! Just because they have said there is a problem doesn't mean there is one. I would stop trying to please these clearly intolerant neighbours and get back to living your life.

My grandparents were like your neighbours. If anyone was using a drill or there were kids playing in a paddling pool, they would be unhappy and complain. They were totally unreasonable. Most of the neighbours would smile and nod when my grandparents talked about the 'terrible noise' but they didn't actually agree with them, they were just being polite and didn't want any problems.

To be honest I think you are unreasonable and should move. Noise nuisance is horrible - even if it's not for extended periods, the fact the neighbours don't know exactly when there will be noise means that it causes them psychological harm 24 hours a day.

ChelleDawg2020

Really ? Do you plan when you are going to make noise and then inform your neighbours ?