Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Oh dear @wellfuckme O hope you feel better soon. Looks like thunder here so at least that should break the heat, although no doubt send all the dogs mad 🤦‍♀️

5 minutes of barking a day is nothing and posters that think it is are completely mad idiots who probably hate dogs.

I have 2 dogs. They only ever barked if there was someone at the door and stopped barking when I asked them to.

Earlier this year we moved to a house with a dog each side of us. Our dogs can't see the dog one side and when it yaps (which it does all the time) they don't respond at all. The dog the other side they can see, just about, through a thick hedge.

The first couple of weeks were a nightmare with one of my dogs barking every time he saw or heard the other dog and that dog barking too. My dogs are used to me having the back door open and being able to come and go as they wish.

So I made sure I always went outside if they did. As soon as the dog next door came into the garden I would talk softly to mine and give them treats and praise them. If they barked I made them go inside.

I spoke to the neighbour and we took our dogs for a walk so they could actually meet each other face to face.

A few months on and they rarely bark at each other now. They occasionally whine a bit at each other as I think they really want to play. If they bark I ignore maybe 2 or 3 barks and if it carries on I call them in.

I would ask again about socialising your dogs. If the puppy has had its innoculations there is no reason why it cannot meet yours.

Don't shout at your dog. Just keep calm and say "shush" and if it doesn't stop call it in.

It's better to train it not to bark than to keep calling it in as it's not very fair on a dog to have so little time in the garden.

Your neighbour has to take responsibility for their dog too. It's ludicrous for them to say your dog is teaching theirs to bark.

Try not to get upset. I think your neighbour is exaggerating or even lying. Also I am sure the situation will get better. You are already dealing with it so it's not like you are ignoring it. Also it is just not always possible to run into the garden the second a dog starts barking and the posters who say you should are just talking rubbish.

I don't like hearing dogs barking all the time and the yap, yap, yap, yap from the other side of me drives me mad at times but then so does the sound of the young boys kicking a football against the fence of ages or the children 3 gardens away who can't play in their paddling pool without screaming non stop for about 3 hours.

Unless you live somewhere that is deathly silent other than your dog barking I really wouldn't worry about it

Fortunately (or unfortunately for my legs) my dog is terrified of thunder and insists on sitting on me if there’s so much as a rumble! I’m in south east and god knows we could do with a break in the muggy weather but I’m dreading having a fully grown husky cowering on my lap!

I long for 5 minutes of barking a day! At my parents house abroad street dogs would keep you up all night

If you arw underestimating the issue then I can understand how the neighbour feels.
My old neighbour got a Jack Russell that barked non stop the whole time it was outside. They left the back door open for it so if we went into the garden it would come and bark non stop. I eventually stopped using the garden because it's just not a nice noise to hear, and it makes it impossible to sit and relax in your own garden. That dog was walked about once a week.
We moved. Our new neighbour also has a dog. Dog is walked frequently. Dog barks every night at 10.30pm for 3 mins when they let it out for a final wee. I can live with that, and I don't really notice it any more.

"everyone else agrees" probably means he spoke to one person who was polite and nodded.

5 minutes doesn't sound that bad, however 1-2 minutes of solid barking would do my head in, particularly after 7pm when toddler is in bed. It really needs to be 15 seconds max. It sounds like you are taking steps to help that though so try not to worry too much.

I have labradors. They don't bark unless someone comes to the door end of. They bark to go out or to come in -it is a no no.
Reward for silence. Jumping at the back door -not coming in. Treat for silence. Some people disagree with different theories.

I think this guy is great

everyone else agrees IME it means absolutely BUGGER ALL! I am willing to bet that NOBODY was asked or commented.

It's like the word "Surely"

People who use it tend to know that they are WAY out of line but expect others to clear up their ignorance. I tend to say that when someone uses Surely, they've lost the point already :D

My best friend also had a spaniel who always, always barked whenever he was outside (in their small London garden!) They got a behavioural trainer in and worked with her to stop his barking.

"It really needs to be 15 seconds max"

Utterly ridiculous. Bet your toddler makes more noise

In the gardens of our block there are 2 big dogs living together, a barky dog next door to them, and two puppies on the opposite side. One of the puppies barks for ages - up to 10 minutes at a time without stop and it can wind the other dogs up if they are out too. You can hear it stretching across the block. It eventually reaching the massive dog who lets out a booming WOOF and everyone shuts up for a bit.

I'n DEFINITELY not a dog person, and it's darned annoying but heck, noise if what happens when you live in close proximity to others. We can all be a little more tolerant.
If you can't cope with pets/kids/music/garden fires/parties/DIY don't live in a city.

We live very secluded and private and have four dogs. One of them barks a lot inside the house even. She barks when my husband makes her dinner, when he puts on his boots and she barks none stop when he’s talking to another farmer - she rides around with him all day. She barks for any reason and spends most of the day barking. It was a big problem for us until I bought her a anti-barking collar.

She only wore it one day and stopped barking so we took it off and she hasn’t worn it since. She will allow herself one little woof when she is really happy.

I bought it here;
www.chewy.com/petsafe-deluxe-bark-control-collar/dp/48567

3stonedown, bollocks to the 15 seconds max.

Is your toddler silent?

I was with you until you said it barks for minutes at a time at around 10pm. That is unacceptable. There's no need to ignore your dog barking at that time.
This is an easily solved problem that you don't need to wring your hands over.

What makes her puppy so important. Its like PFB for dogs. Also why did it take 4 years to tell you?

Charolais

Is that an electric shock collar?

I second the on a lead idea. Train him to wait by the backdoor when he needs a wee. Give a verbal command and walk him into the garden on his lead to do what he needs to do. Do this for a couple of days until he gets the new routine. Then introduce more freedom. So when he’s outside on the lead, he’s had a wee and he’s calm no barking. Tell him to focus and let him off the lead. A single bark and he’s back on the lead. Make him associate not barking with the freedom he wants.

I think if your dog is a barker, then you need to only let him in the garden when you are with him, and take him in straight away if he goes off on one. Are you leaving him unattended in the garden a lot?

lets shock the dog ruddy Nora no way thats cruelty and mainly not approved by trainers as its lazy training.

Dogs bark end of some more than others just shush him or bring in and don't listen to your bat shit neighbour saying every one said bollocks.

10pm is when dogs go for last wee's so a bark wouldn't bother me as long as it didn't go on.

My neighbour lets her jack Russel bark all the time even when she’s home- it is the type of noise nuisance that makes stress levels high

My neighbours dogs go nuts every time I go in my garden too, or if they sense my cats are outside, they go nuts.
Its depressing at times tbh. I wouldnt say im a prisoner but its obtrusive, especially in the summer. I dont mind dogs, and I expect them to bark when somebodies at the door, but if its every time somebody who actually lives there goes past, then you need to either stop the dogs from barking, or not allow them free access to places where they hear triggers so much

@misstomrs sorry, I meant far as in the dog, so taking steps to improve her behaviour like getting new fence in the same way if you had a child you would take active steps to try to improve their behaviour by making sure they ate on time if tantrums were triggered by hunger or had a nap if triggered by tiredness. It really does sound like ordinary urban noise to me.

Bark collar solved the same problem for us. Neighbours puppy barked and so our two barked back.. Went on all day. Drove me mad. Humane bark collars stopped my two in a day. Neighbours won't get one so still have their dog Barking

Sounds like your neighbours are trying to bully you op. 5 mins of barking is fine. We similarly let our dog out to have a run and bark after 7 and never after 10.

We find she barks more in the dark but if we go out with her she doesn’t bark at all.

And ‘all the other neighbours agree’ yes heard that bollocks before.

Sort out your fence.

My view is they chat cope with their puppy and are blaming you.

An electric collar is cruel and barbaric.