Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

That’s right. 5 mins across the whole day. I do get it’s annoying but I am doing my best. As I say though, it has been worse recently, probably double that, which I get is not ok.

@wellfuckmeinbithears what would you say is acceptable? It’s a genuine question, accepting that for people who don’t have dogs the ideal would presumably be none at all; but accepting we all have to love together, so to speak.

*live sorry not love

To be honest I think the answer to this lies in the fact that neighbours have just got new puppy. Puppies are bloody hard work. I suspect you and Missdoggy are getting all the grief and actually they may have, erm, sorry, bitten off more than they can chew.

Barking for five minutes a day is normal. If their dog barking is annoying them they need to get it trained to bark less or accept they are not cut out to be dog owners.

How ridiculous. Dogs bark and we need to get over this fact irritating as it is. Kids scream and shout and make noise and that's bloody irritating too as is people playing music too loud, car noise, motorcycle noise, diy..... The list goes on. As long as it's not continuous and over the top and not in anti social hours, people need to learn to live with these noises. You have a dog. Owning dogs is legal. Dogs barking is natural and to be accepted. Obviously it's nice for it to be at a minimum, as long as not for hours on end and at ridiculous times of the day it really is no biggie. Tell them to let you know when they're moving and you'll toast their departure.

I googled dogs that don't bark.

I used to go to training classes and agility with my dogs before they got too old and creaky. Quite often we would get some of those apparently barkless breeds coming along. Guess what? All could bark.

I would say that barkless dogs are a myth. Some breeds are more or less barky than others, but not bark free. Dogs bark.

Thanks for the advice and support @topseyt I really appreciate it. I know people think I’m being melodramatic thinking about moving but I genuinely feel sick about it. I don’t honestly believe all the neighbours agree but I also don’t feel going round and asking them all to effectively take sides is fair either, especially as some of them are elderly / live alone. I feel like whatever I do I can’t win now.

More than 30 seconds of barking isn’t acceptable and actually, if you only let him out when you can be out with him it’s very avoidable. We have a dog, next door has a dog. Ours very rarely barks and if he does he is brought straight back in. If you stop letting him out unsupervised you can easily rectify this. I also think when it’s your dog you can become a bit “immune” to their bark so you are probably vastly underestimating how much yours is barking. You sound lovely and are posting on here for advice but aren’t actually taking any? It’s no good sat there scribbling notes like “dog barked at 2pm for 10 seconds”. Actually do something about it like not letting him out unless you can immediately bring him in, a bark collar etc rather than flapping about and being all melodramatic about moving. This is easily rectified.

@wellfuckmeinbithears I’m not sure what advice I’m not taking? I’ve said we will restrict going out to when we can supervise, will bring him in when he barks and praise when he doesn’t. We have started this. People have advised I may be underestimating it, again, we are making notes to make sure that we are reflecting it accurately. I have considered exercise and stimulation and responded to advice about this accordingly. I don’t want to try aversion methods in the first instance. But I’m not sure how I’m ignoring the advice I’m getting?

1 Or 2 minutes is quite a long time of solid barking.

I don't have dogs and this would be annoying if I was enjoying my garden in the sun in peace to be interrupted by solid noise.

I'm not suggesting that's what's happening but 1 or 2 minutes feels longer when it's a noise you don't want to hear. A bit like a car revving outside. One or two revs is ok. 1 to 2 minutes of revving is annoying.

Agree with pp that dog owners often underestimate the impact. At least you are trying to address it though. The fence is a good start. I hope it works out for you.

If NDNs are talking about moving, why would they being going round telling people your dog's barking is the reason? The selling market is difficult enough and it would go against them if word got around and the agent knew but didn't tell prospective buyers.

Btw "everyone says" often means just them, IME.

I think probably you have just posted here for reassurance that the level of noise your dog is making is fine. Lots of people are saying it isn’t age for all your “yes of course I know it isn’t” there is a fair few “buts” after. If you’re starting to heed the advice given that’s great, hopefully it’ll be sorted soon.

I think I probably phrased that badly. You’re not ignoring the advice but just making excuses whilst being pretty dramatic about it all. If your neighbours have complained the chances are your dog is a source of irritation to them and/or others and instead of catastrophising it there are practical steps you can take. Also don’t under estimate how annoying a barking dog can be.

The dog barks for a few minutes a day, that's fantastic, when we had a dog and our neighbours did, they could see each other through the fence and would run backwards and forwards having the time of their lives. Dogs bark, the same as bears shit in the woods.
I hate the whole "all the neighbours say", because 99 times out of a 100 they don't.
Can your dog meet next door's dog, walks etc. Your dog certainly is not teaching another dog to bark. That is nonsense. You seem to be taking reasonable action when he does bark and that is great.
Offer to go house hunting/dog meeting/sitting with your soon to be ex neighbour.

Love to your dog.

@wellfuckmeinbothears if I just wanted reassurance I’d have posted in the doghouse. The fact that I don’t agree with everything doesn’t mean I’m not going to take anything on board. If I didn’t want honest advice I wouldn’t use AIBU.

Wellfuckme, I wonder whether you are reading a different thread to me.

The evidence I see is that OP is taking on board all reasonable advice given, and weeding it out from the bullshit.

Unfortunately there are plenty of people who think that dogs should never bark. Just as there are many who seem to think that babies should never cry and toddlers should be silent too. Unrealistic.

Also, it may sound like catastrophising but I have never been in dispute with a neighbour and I am finding it incredibly upsetting. More so than I have said here. Moving is extreme but I don’t want to feel either myself or my neighbour can’t enjoy their own home and garden.

Ignore the bit about all the neighbours agreeing with them. I hear this all the time (I´m a teacher): "We are think that.." or "the class thinks that..." It´s a gross exaggeration. What it means is "me and my friend think that..." This is the same use in a different scenario. They are using it to try to intimidate you into giving them what they want. Ignore.

I think you are dealing with it correctly. Change the fence, monitor the times the dog is outside. Start training the dog to stop barking. What their puppy does is not your problem.

Don't bother moving, it's over the top and there's no guarantee you won't get the same in your new house.

I have a dog, but thankfully she's not much of a barker. She will bark if someone knocks on the door, and when my DP comes home she gets really excited and will run around and let off a few barks, but other than that nothing. I have a doggie cam to keep an eye on her when I'm out, and I've made sure the neighbours haven't heard anything and both sides say they are not bothered by her.

If what you are saying is true, your neighbours are being unreasonable, and I think you are being quite accommodating as it is. Other posters have given good advice RE fence and socialising with puppy etc. Around here lots of people have dogs and you regularly hear dogs barking. I can only remember one dog that caused neighbourhood unrest, and that was a huskie that howled continuously from 5:30am until the owner came home from work. I lived a street away and it still managed to wake me up nearly every morning, so I can't imagine what the immediate neighbours went through!

People get annoyed about different things. My NDN took umbrage with us when we first moved in purely because we had small children and he deemed them to be irritating noise boxes. Had him banging on the walls and sounding some sort of trumpet if they ever woke in the night. Once he came round effing and blinding in the street that we were keeping him awake fitting some flooring in a bedroom, it was 6pm and it was just being finished for reference. He has a little yappy dog that barks a lot and he also loves DIY, I’ve never whinged to him about it because sometimes you just have to put up with annoying shit. It’s part of the parcel of having neighbours. There’s someone a few doors down that has a couple of very loud dogs and they often will bark late at night, I think they’re left outside in the garden tbh. I just hear the guy who owns them shouting out of his window every so often telling them to shut up . That’s annoying.

If you’re being honest and your dog genuinely doesn’t bark for more than five minutes a day, ignore them. If you’re underestimating how much the dog barks, resolve it in any way you can before moving (that’s a drastic step).

Good point from PP wondering why the hell they got a puppy if they don’t like the sound of dogs barking though.

This is ridiculous though. You shouldn't have to keep your dog in in case it barks. Bloody hell foxes make more noise than dogs and I live near a police dog kennels and they bark all the time! I've never known so many people to get so up tight about a dog barking for 5 minutes over a whole day. My only concern would be if the dog was shut outside & was left to bark all day. Barking is normal and the amount of time op says her dog barks is also normal. Jeez

I don’t think dogs should never bark, I think that if you choose to own a dog you should do all you can to endure your dog ownership doesn’t affect others and that includes supervising them at a time you know they may well be making noise and annoying neighbors/disrupting small children’s sleep.

Maybe it’s just how I’ve interpreted your posts throughout the thread, it’s very easy to do so over the internet, but you reply a lot warmer to those who tell you that it’s fine and your dogs barking isn’t an issue than to those who have said it isn’t which has made me think (and I’m very happy to accept I might be wrong) that you don’t actually want advice. The doghouse would have been a more appropriate forum as you would have more experienced advice on hand.

I can totally understand you being upset at the dispute, I’m awful with conflict. I just think there is a simpler way to resolve this than recording how long your dog is barking and at what time.

I hope you get it resolved soon.

We had this exact situation so you have my sympathies! Our neighbours anonymously reported our dog to the council as a noise problem (which could result in a 5k fine or the dog being destroyed) instead of knocking on the door and speaking civilly to us. At the time our dog barked (usually because of the neighbours cats walking along our fence!) for about 3-5 minutes morning and evening (never after 9.30).

On the advice of MN we changed his routine so he only went in the garden at these times with one of us and on a lead. It stopped him barking but was a bit of a PITA. Eventually he learned not to bark at these times. If he slipped up we put him back on the lead for a few days. The Council investigated but found no problem. Possibly because it was a complete overreaction to the amount he barked.

For indoors / nighttime barking we bought an anti-bark collar that squirts citronella which has been a lifesaver!

I know what you mean though, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth about the community and the neighbourhood... 😞

@wellfuckme you’re probably right in that it’s nice to hear that people might not feel the amount of barking is a problem, especially as I’ve been so so upset by how it’s been handled, but I feel the recent upturn is an issue and I’m not shying away from that. You’re right the doghouse would have had more advice but I wanted the perspective of some non-dog owners too as dog owners are also more likely to say it’s ok.

I hope we can get it sorted soon too. For everyone’s sake.

I do understand, it’s horrid feeling on edge in your own home but you can resolve this fairly easily. And the reassurance from others is comforting and helpful. Ultimately it’s something that needs to be addressed but you know that. I really hope you find something that helps soon. I love dogs, we have a husky and he can be a total dickhead but we love him.

I’m hot and hormonal so apologies if I’ve been harsh x