Devastated - should we move or AIBU?

[MisstoMrs]

I have a 4 year old dog. My neighbours have just got a new puppy. Since the new puppy arrived my dog has been able to see it through the fence and has been barking a lot. I am having someone round to replace the fence today so it is no longer semi-seethrough. I did this when we moved in 5 years ago with the rest of the fence as for some reason my dog took to barking at that side of the garden. He had never barked at neighbours before but they have a cat so that may have been a factor. Prior to the new puppy he did occasionally bark at them so we only let him in the garden when we are home (I work from home, as does my neighbour). This means we can supervise the dog and call him in if he barks. In total, on a bad day, he would bark for up 5 mins in total, between 8am and 10pm. We don’t let him out beyond those times. However, as I said, the new puppy has meant he is barking more than that at the moment and that definitely needs addressing.

Yesterday my neighbour came round to see me. She told me that the barking has been so bad since we moved in they are taking about moving, that we have ruined the quiet street, that all the neighbours agree that our dog is a problem, that he is teaching their 12 week old puppy to bark and that they are both really down about our dog barking because he has made them prisoners in their own home and they no longer feel able to use their garden.

I obviously don’t want them to feel any of those things but I don’t know what to do. I feel devastated that instead of talking to us they have spoken to our neighbours and left it to the point where I feel nothing we do will be enough. I don’t accept that our dog is teaching theirs to bark; it is just of an age where they learn but clearly they are blaming our dog and that is what they will believe is happening. I also don’t feel that, new puppy aside, the noise is excessive. We never leave him to bark. I can’t always race outside if he does bark because I have a baby, but he’s never there for more than one to two minutes, and as I said he is never outside when we are not there. We’re going to start recording when he barks and for how long to make sure we’re not being blind to it and ive asked them to tell me if there is a day when they think it is unacceptable.

I’m devastated and thinking of moving. I feel sick every time my dog or DD make a noise outside. AIBU?

Posting on AIBU as I want honest opinions from non dog owners but would also welcome any advice. Sorry it’s so long but didn’t want to drop feed.

Thank you.

Surely ChelleDawg2020 the same would then have been true for the noisy hobby thy used to have which used to wake my DD up on a regular basis? I completely agree noise nuisance is horrible but I think there is also an element of perspective and co-existence.

Thank you perfectly1mperfect I really appreciate you taking time to post again. I know my DH thinks I’m over worrying and I think, to be honest, it’s triggered some anxiety in me. I’ve always been able to manage it before but on this occasion for whatever reason I am really struggling. I really appreciate your support.

I would rather say that people who are psychologically damaged by the noise made by those around them living their everyday lives are the ones that should move. If you live around other people, they will make noise.

MisstoMrs

You are very welcome.

The combination of what you have written in your posts and the level of upset this is causing you, shows that you are a very considerate, reasonable person. Your neighbours really do have the problem, not you. I totally understand it causing you anxiety though, these neighbours have made you feel uncomfortable to go about your normal life in your own home and garden, the place you should feel the most safe and comfortable. You just need to change how you think about what's happened though.

My dog is t a barker but is a Beagle so very loud bark/howl when she occasionally does, usually when she sees another dog and she can't get to it to play/say hello. I have taught her to be 'quiet' on command by waiting till there is a lull in the barking then giving her a treat and saying the word 'quiet' and making a fuss of her. I then gradually built up the 'quiet' time by withholding the treat a few seconds longer each time after giving the 'quiet' command.
It's all in the timing and it's important to get the treat/fuss in before they bark again or not at all otherwise they think they are being rewarded for barking rather than stopping iyswim.
Also extending the time between the command and the treat is very important otherwise the dog will figure out it only has to stopong enough to take the treat and will then resume barking.
My dog picked this up very quickly and she is very stubborn (Beagles are known for this) and now on the odd occasion she does start barking l only have to say 'Quiet' and she comes straight over to wait for her treat and nine times out of ten will forget to go back to barking.

'My dog isn't a barker' that should have started with.

our estate is murder for dogs barking but as soon as ours bark they get ordered back in dogs bark fact your neighbour needs to get over it make sure fences are secure doubt her dog dont bark

I’m afraid even a short burst of less than 30 seconds isn’t acceptable for a dog barking in a quiet neighbourhood. We lived next door to people who saw no issue in their dogs barking for longer than yours does throughout the day and in the end, we did move as it was starting to affect our health. It took over our life - and our other neighbours lives. It was pretty miserable. The dog owners saw nothing wrong and even said to us ‘“they only barked this morning for two minutes”, that was usually at 5.30 am by the way. I really hope you get to sort it out with your neighbours and you can all live happily together in the road.

My new neighbors have a small dog that barks incessantly when anyone is outside. They shout at it and take it in. They leave it at home all day in the conservatory, so whenever I go into or out of the house it barks and cries and throws itself against the glass.
It is utterly pissing me off. It wines all the time. It jumps up the fence and is shitting in their garden somit now stinks out there.
If your dog is barking every time your neighbor is in the garden, then that is your badly trained dog that needs educating.

You can buy a bark stopper from Amazon for about $35. Get the one that looks like a bird house-the one that looks like an egg doesn't work as well. I bought one when the condo next door was rented to a large dog owner who worked long hours. The joy is it works by putting batteries in and setting somewhere near the barker. Nothing to put on the barker! It emits a high pitched sound you and I can't hear. It goes through walls. The "volume" is adjustable . Worked like a dream but it doesn't work on a few dogs. The only problem is that it eats batteries-but that is much better than moving. A girlfriend was being evicted over her large dog barking. I gifted her one and guess what-stopped barking and no eviction.

Sorry. It doesn't have to be too near-25 feet will do it.

You both need to learn about dogs. Of course yours will bark and so will their puppy when it is older. I would suggest letting them play together and getting to know each other.

Well don't let your neighbour bully you. if as you say your dog is only barking for five mins. Then that is not unreasonable and no one would think it was.

A point I would woudl raise with you (and it's possibly not he case a tall but I'm mentioning it because it happened to me) make sure she has got the right dog.

My neighbour kept complaining about my pretty quiet dog barking - and being very snidey with me and making remarks about 'didn't I know anything about training dogs' and kept hammering on the adjoining wall when my dog wasn't barking.
One day I came out of my back door into the garden and a dog was barking loudly.
Neighbour shouted 'shut up FFS Kurri'sDog' I then walked up to him carrying my completely silent dog, while the barking continued.' He was very sheepish after that and now makes a huge fuss of my dog

Your neighbour might just be stressed with a new puppy (has she had dogs before) and is mentally exaggerating your dogs noise. puppies are such a full on job and you go through a phase with them thinking they will never be toilet trained, stop chewing or whatever, that she might be thinking 'I can;t cope if he learns to bark as well'

I think I'd quietly sound out theother neighbours, if no one else is bothered by it then she's being unreasonable.
I'm with you on the cat shit and dead birds by the way

5 minutes a day would seem to be well within the 'annoying neighbour' threshold. But there is a house with about 4 yappy dogs up our road about 5 houses away. I have been working in the garden and they just go on and on and on, yapping at nothing for large parts of the day. It would drive me insane to be next door to it. Dog owners seem to love the sound of their dog barking but for everyone else it is pollution.

My DM looked after my dog while we were moving across the country. Dog got into the habit of constantly barking whining, growling at my Brother when he visited. Dog has got out the habit in a few months, the only things my mum did differently were gave the dog almost constant attention, and not as many walks as I do, as she has a large back garden. When your dog is in garden use that time to play with it fetch catch etc then bring it inside. Take it for a walk before bed time rather than putting it out into the garden. I think my dog was rather bored with my mum, rather spoilt and had started to bark to get attention. All breeds are different though and need to be socialised when young. There are two yappy dogs two house stories down from us who make an awful racket, but are never taken out for walks or into our communal garden which backs onto their garden. Try some changes and give it time.

It’s awful that you’re both upset but easily solved. You need help to train your dog to bark less, I had similar problem with my dog, he was getting way out of control, I bought a dog training collar from amazon, it’s not the cruel type but it gives a beep if he barks then stops, if he continues it vibrates and he doesn’t like it. It has been a total revelation he’s a different dog. He no longer chased the poor neighbours the length of the conifer hedge barking his head off. We take it off at night or when he’s playing, it cost £16 well worth a try. I can send you the name if needed x

Good grief. I am amazed by the people who are saying that the OP's dog's barking is unacceptable, assuming the report is completely accurate. If someone came on here bitching about the next door kids shouting in the garden for five minutes a day I expect "flamed" is the least of what would happen to them.

Dogs bark. Some more than others. It may be annoying, but so is a neighbour mowing the lawn. So is a neighbour having a BBQ. So is a neighbour having a bonfire. If you can't cope with neighbours then move to the middle of nowhere.

Get a bark collar - vibrates and emits a loud beep if they bark. We just have to show ‘barky’ to our mouthy pug now. They’re on Amazon for about a tenner. Then all the neighbours can blame the puppy.

Good luck

Was your dog barking before the puppy arrived, it’s cauae and effect, and your neighbours need to take responsibility.
Try conditioning skills, treat to stopping barking or squirt of a water pistol on the body to distract the dogs.

Dogs are social creatures socialise them,, is the puppy male or female? Is the puppy on heat?
There’s more to it than just blaming your dog, puppy will learn to bark on its own accord. Your neighbour is trying to seek immunity for their part

*Something seems adrift here.

Five mins a day, whilst annoying is not at needing to move level and all the neighbours agreeing it's a problem.

So either your neighbours are nuts, or you're underestimating it. It's really hard to see which it is*

This

The neighbours sound a bit melodramatic as well tbh. Your dog is teaching theirs to bark?! Wtf?

If you are being honest on here about the amount of barking your dog is doing, then your neighbours sound ridiculous and I wouldn’t believe a word of the ‘all the neighbours agree with me’ crap.

Fix the fence. If that doesn’t help look up clicker training stopping barking & it will take you through step by step. It’s quite an easy one (basically you train your dog to bark on demand).

To be honest I think you are unreasonable and should move. Noise nuisance is horrible - even if it's not for extended periods, the fact the neighbours don't know exactly when there will be noise means that it causes them psychological harm 24 hours a day.

Oh get a grip. “Psychological harm” from 10 minutes of dog barking?!

Chelseatigerlilly and Bunnyfuller - anti bark collars are NOT a good idea. No decent trainer or behaviourist would encourage their use.

They are not teaching the dog not to bark, they are scaring the dog into not barking and are cruel

I think the monitoring is a good idea. You sound quite sensible about it OP. Once we lived on a busy street, the neighbours had two dogs, one puppy they put in a room next to our bedroom wall and the yapping would wake me at 1am, 2am, 3am etc as it echoed through the chimney in our bedroom. Their older dog used to go outside from 7-8 am onwards and bark a lot loudly and consistently every time someone walked past which was every half minute or so. Maddening, when I mentioned it the owners were lovely and moved the puppies room but the old bag mother labelled me a "moaner" and told me so. Luckily she didn't have any say on what they did with the dog!

I'm going to sit on the fence I think. I'm not very noise tolerant. My neighbour has a couple of dogs who bark. I'd probably say if asked that it's constant and annoying. However, realistically if I actually think about it, I think i notice it more because I am alert for it. It's probably not every day and it probably isn't for more than a few minutes a day most days. Personally I think if you can get a week with no barking at all, then he'll be off the radar and then they wont be so hyper alert for it all the time and you can then continue to have reasonable occasional barking which is totally normal.