AIBU not to want to be seen by the same sonographer again?

[mummyclarke1987]

Yesterday I had my 20w pregnancy scan. This is my second pregnancy and it took me a few months to conceive. Partly due to my pcos and partly due to stressing about getting pregnant. My bmi is in the high end currently 37 (size 18) I have not put any weight whatsoever since getting pregnant, however been apple shaped most of my extra weight in around my tummy always making it difficult to see the baby properly when having a ultrasound. However until yesterday no medical practitioner had made me feel bad about myself. They will always bring it up if they have to bad in a polite way.

The lady that perform the scan yesterday was an exception. She was pregnant too. She seemed very displeased and annoyed by the fact that she had to struggle to get good image, kept making faces and at the end she told me in a serious tone "I don't want to upset you but your bmi is a problem". She asked me to go back in the waiting room and have some water, so she can scan someone else and call me again later. I was cooperating perfectly and hoped that the views will be better with a full bladder.

I was called in 15 mins later by who I think was the lead sonographer. The pregnant lady was still in the room typing at the computer with her back turned to me and for the whole time I was there she did not speak to me or turned around to look at me. I was only spoken to my the lead sonographer who was a lot more pleasant and sympathetic. She managed to get some of the measurements but said I had to repeat the scan because it hadn't been possible to get all of them. She said it was a good start and that I did very well. She was very reassuring and professional.

I just think that the fact that the first sonographer was annoyed, then she threw that line at me "I don't want to upset you" as been pregnant and overweight is something I should be really upset about, combined with the fact that she did not turn her back to look at me again or acknowledged my existence, it just makes me not want to have anymore appointments with her. On the other hand she's pregnant too, she has a family and I wouldn't want to seem as if I'm complaining about her, because been a mother and pregnant as well, I'm thinking she might just be having a bad or long day and I wouldn't want to cause her any trouble at her work.

Please can you tell me if you think I'm been unreasonable?

People underestimate how physically taxing it can be scanning patients, especially those with a BMI over 35. Who knows, maybe she's had a rough pregnancy so far and had a bad morning with difficult scans before you? Or had to break bad news?

Try not to take it to heart OP, but I appreciate I would have been upset too.

You can ask for a different sonographer if it's possible

She wasn't meaning to upset you, she was stating a fact. It is harder the larger you are. I had it with my second pregnancy

She sounds a bit unprofessional but maybe she is inexperienced and didn't know how to explain why she couldn't get the image.

Can you take this as a 'Pick your Hard' moment and use it to spur you on to achieve a healthy weight once your baby is here?

YABU.

I think sonograohers have a really tough job. Often it is up to them to shatter dreams and tell people their babies have died or have conditions that are non compatible with life. So maybe many days are bad days at work!

There is never any need for anyone to be rude but it sounds like she was factual and then for the second scan just getting on with her job. By all means ask for somebody else to do future scans but in all honestly, and I am sorry this sounds harsh, but if you want a nice bedside manner then have private scans instead.

I'm sure the OP is well aware it is slightly harder to get the measurements of her baby with a higher BMI but the sonographer was rude. Pregnant or not I wouldn't want her to touch me again if I was the OP.

..I mean, it is hard to lose weight, but it but have been extraordinarily hard to hear what she had to say.

Which one is harder?

I think she could’ve said it more pleasantly perhaps. You’re unlikely to see her again I’d imagine: I’ve had 8 scans with this pregnancy and never had the same person.
You could probably request not to have her again.

Try not to be upset with her having changed places and not speaking to you.

I had a sonogram where the sonographer had to change places and do the computer thing, and she did not address me thereafter.
She wasn’t being rude she was concentrating on getting all the info down correctly and accurately.

I hope your next scan goes well.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I’m thin and have a tilted uterus so have had three people scan me before to get one measurement. I was told what the problem was and took it as it was meant, which was factual and was not insulted by it. Scanning is not as easy and straightforward as it might appear.

I don’t think it sounds unprofessional at all. She said she didn’t want to upset you as it could upset a lot of people! Another sonographer had taken over, she was elsewhere doing other work, why would she look at you? Sorry but I think you’re over reacting

I understand why you’d be upset and no one likes their flaws being pointed out. She could have worded it better but I her point was valid. I think you’d be unreasonable to request someone else.

Also, and I really do mean this nicely, if this incident upset you that much, I would ignore this thread because I think you will find the replies even harsher and be even more upset.

Sonographer informs you why she can't do the scan
Sonographer then gets a senior colleague who takes over and is able to do the scan

YABU

I'm so sorry you had a hard time , not nice to hear . It is hard for Sonographers to get decent images on larger people though and if they don't it could have repercussions later on , if they miss an anomaly or maybe can't get measurements, it's also a killer on the shoulders .
I hope you have a better experience next time.

I'm afraid that medical people tend to not be sympathetic to people who have a high BMI. You make their work more difficult.
Best of luck with your pregnancy.

I am not upset by anyone's opinion in here @VocalDuck. Some people come across offensive but fat shaming exists. These are just general opinions. The sonographer can think whatever she wants for me. However, she wasn's saying her opinion in a chat room. She was doing her job. A lot worse than the second sonographer. Not at performing the scan, I can understand been inexperienced. But communication with me.

But the second sonographer was conducting the examination so why would you want the first one to commicate with you? She is presumably recording information and concentrating on that. She had no idea there was an issue.

I think you are being over sensitive to be honest. It's the NHS. She was probably busy working when you came back in, with a million things to do. The sonographer dealing with you was attentive so it's OTT to expect the other one to be dancing attention on you.

What she said was using medical terminology so I don't think you have reason to complain.

Good luck with the baby

I’m sure she won’t mind if you did request another sonographer.

Many sonographers I know have crippling wrist problems and wear splints from spending so much time scanning women with raised BMIs and having to press so hard. It’s physically difficult for them.

So everyone says YABU but you disagree. So why post?

I suppose she had to give an explanation of why she couldn’t get the image she needed? There’s a grumpy sonograher at our hospital who is always a bit off and one of my friends did complain about them. Personally although he put me on edge slightly I didn’t see he’d done anything unprofessional enough to warrant a complaint, and I don’t think this lady has either. With luck you’ll have someone different if you need another scan.

If you've allowed yourself to stay at that weight, even whilst trying to conceive then maybe you needed to be told sharply and bluntly.

Being your size is not good, it's not healthy, it's not fun. It also puts a lot more strain on resources and makes it harder for people to give you satisfactory care.

Her job is to get measurements of the baby; being so large makes her job harder. Why do people need to be polite about that? You don't have a disability or illness that was given to you, you have a self inflicted condition and it makes everyrhing harder for medical staff. Don't blame her

Well to be fair to OP, the PCOS won't help her weight.