AIBU not to want to be seen by the same sonographer again?

[mummyclarke1987]

Yesterday I had my 20w pregnancy scan. This is my second pregnancy and it took me a few months to conceive. Partly due to my pcos and partly due to stressing about getting pregnant. My bmi is in the high end currently 37 (size 18) I have not put any weight whatsoever since getting pregnant, however been apple shaped most of my extra weight in around my tummy always making it difficult to see the baby properly when having a ultrasound. However until yesterday no medical practitioner had made me feel bad about myself. They will always bring it up if they have to bad in a polite way.

The lady that perform the scan yesterday was an exception. She was pregnant too. She seemed very displeased and annoyed by the fact that she had to struggle to get good image, kept making faces and at the end she told me in a serious tone "I don't want to upset you but your bmi is a problem". She asked me to go back in the waiting room and have some water, so she can scan someone else and call me again later. I was cooperating perfectly and hoped that the views will be better with a full bladder.

I was called in 15 mins later by who I think was the lead sonographer. The pregnant lady was still in the room typing at the computer with her back turned to me and for the whole time I was there she did not speak to me or turned around to look at me. I was only spoken to my the lead sonographer who was a lot more pleasant and sympathetic. She managed to get some of the measurements but said I had to repeat the scan because it hadn't been possible to get all of them. She said it was a good start and that I did very well. She was very reassuring and professional.

I just think that the fact that the first sonographer was annoyed, then she threw that line at me "I don't want to upset you" as been pregnant and overweight is something I should be really upset about, combined with the fact that she did not turn her back to look at me again or acknowledged my existence, it just makes me not want to have anymore appointments with her. On the other hand she's pregnant too, she has a family and I wouldn't want to seem as if I'm complaining about her, because been a mother and pregnant as well, I'm thinking she might just be having a bad or long day and I wouldn't want to cause her any trouble at her work.

Please can you tell me if you think I'm been unreasonable?

OurMiracle1106, in the old days it was often said that "women got themselves pregnant", but we now now that as with most thing that bring trouble, a Man had to be involved.

So no it isn't self inflicted.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue, all of those conditions can be a result of poor mental or physical health.

I dont really understand what she did wrong either. She explained why she couldn't get a good image? What else could she do?

you have to feel comfortable when you go to the scan.could you ask when you book who will be giving it.then phone back and rebook.it might be a less confrontational way of getting round it.
im sorry you felt like that.no matter you size,age look or lifestyle no one should make you feel lesser than.your not.your going to be a proud mummy that's so amazing,well done you.just be overjoyed in that and please don't take on board some really horrendous comments from people.im appalled at how some poster are treating a lady that is overweight.your human and beautiful because of the regardless of your weight.you can try and deal with that in your own way to try and get to a better place for you and ur baby.but your still you regardless of the number you weight.fucking hell im shocked at peoples horrid comments and judging.

"The NHS is very likely to collapse if it continues treating everyrhing for free. We just cannot afford to waste resources. That's a horrible fact, but it's where we are as a county and someone smarter than me can figure out what to do."

It's really easy, we fund it properly with all that money we have saved being in the EU.

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue You call me ignorant, I'm going to call you self aware.

From
The nhs website: Studies have suggested that 40-70% of the variation in BMI in the population is due to genetic factors, and it is believed that many different genes contribute to this effect.
PCOS: recent article at the new scientist suggest that pcos is caused by hormonal
Imbalance when still the womb: www.newscientist.com/article/2168705-cause-of-polycystic-ovary-syndrome-discovered-at-last/amp/

Thanks for your contribution to the post though :)

I don't see what the sonographer did wrong? I've read your op twice now and I think you're being over sensitive.

@Birdsgottafly

You do realise that all that money isn't actually there. The EU gave us enough back in subsidies, grants etc to reduce "all that money" to a small amount. The money we won't pay the EU will be needed to replace the subsidies the EU gave. The NHS is not going to be better off. The NHS is also reliant on EU workers, they'll be harder to get. The NHS is also remain on imported goods; they'll be harder to get. And what about the collaborative medical research we have with the EU? The clinical trials, new drugs etc? And the early warning system for public health threats (viruses etc). We will be excluded from it when we leave the EU as we will no longer be sharing that data.

Leaving the EU is not going to be the saviour of the NHS so some personal responsibility may just help.

You had a BMI higher than 37 before pregnancy and you're blaming that on your genes?

At least take some responsibility for your own choices.

I am quite a bit overweight and have been throughout my 4 pregnancies ( all textbook pregnancy’s and extremely straightforward births)
However being overweight led to me having extra scans, tests and appointments and this was something I had to accept as being overweight by nature makes the pregnancy high risk and more complicated.
During one of my scans the sonographer told me that they couldn’t get a very clear picture because of my weight and this was something I had to accept as it was true, during that scan they couldn’t see the baby’s heart properly so I had to have further scans ( baby was fine)
I accepted the fact that I was overweight and unfortunately this led to me putting further pressure on the nhs... the sonographer was stating a fact... scans aren’t done for fun but are complicated procedures which look for all sorts of issues and problems on a tiny tiny fetus/ baby... they need them to be clear and unfortunately being overweight makes scans harder and can cause problems to be overlooked! Maybe see it as a bit of a wake up call and don’t be offended by facts!

Crikey! a size 18 isn't that overweight - dress sizes go up to 32 in Marks and down to a 6 so she was 6 sizes away from the smallest and 7 away from biggest :-/ We all know BMI's can be a rubbish sign of obesity too.

OP if you don't want to feel shit at a time when you should be excited, ask to see a different sonographer.

By the way
"In fact, at least half of women diagnosed with PCOS are of normal weight or lean. Some women with PCOS are even underweight."

pcos.com/thin-with-pcos-how-can-i-have-pcos-if-im-not-overweight/

@mummyclarke1987

And everyone in my family has died from dementia... doesn't mean I go "fuck it, I'm not even going to try and look after my brain". I eat a good diet and follow all the new research for keeping a healthy brain. It's quite possibly all crap and there's nothing to be done to help it, but I'm not going to just let it happen.

Your diet will play a role - no matter what your genetics are, your diet plays a role in your obesity. And the fact is, you probably aren't trying hard enough.

You're happy, that's great for you. You've decided to accept this as who you are and that's fantastic - but only for you. It is not fantastic for the medical staff proving your care, so don't expect them to act like it's ok.

life M&S going up to a 32 doesn’t mean she isn’t overweight. She is.

My god, the op knows shes not an
Ideal weight, but some of these posts are disgusting.

She was not being unreasonable op, she may not have had the best bedside manner, but i don't think she did anything wrong.

Just because you can buy a size 32 doesn't mean that's ok or you should aspire to it Life, an 18 is over weight, but based on the OPs BMI Id wager she was possibly bigger than an 18. I've been an 18 and had a BMI of 32. OP said her BMI was 37 I think? Either way don't excuse an 18 as 'not that big'. It is and I'm sure most people who are an 18 are aware or are hopefully aware it's unhealthy. As a country we seem to be developing an inability to recognise when fat means fat.

Size 18 is meaningless. If I needed to wear size 18 clothes I would probably be morbidly obese. I am average height and build for the UK.
To have a BMI of 37 I would need to be 7 st heavier than I am now.

I can see why you felt offended, you would have been lying there with your stomach out feeling exposed, probably feeling a bit vulnerable and waiting to hear that everything was ok with your baby. It feels different to a chat about your weight with your midwife whilst sat up and fully clothed.

I was overweight whilst pregnant with two of my three children and I had to have a second scan as well. Luckily uncomplicated pregnancies but three tricky deliveries. The ctg wouldn't stay in place and the babies had to have clips attached to their heads. There was also a note on my maternity papers to say foetal position difficult to establish due to maternal habitus.

I don't think the sonographer did anything wrong to be honest, you just took it the wrong way.

Some of the comments on here however, are awful.

I had a BMI of about 30 when I was pregnant with DD. At my scans they commented on "baby being a tricky one" and "Maybe I haven't drank enough". I didn't know weight make that much difference until this thread. I wish they had just been more honest about it now. It might have shocked me rather than what happened, which was just another year of eating and gaining. I don't think she did that much wrong to be honest.

Rocinante1, I was being sarcastic. Seeming as posters seem to believe that we suddenly can't afford the NHS, they must also believe that we will be better off after Brexit.

The NHS is struggling because the Torys won't fund it and money is being wasted by giving all sort of contracts to make money for their Friends.

We can afford the NHS.

I also don't see what the sonographer did wrong. She explained, factually, why she was struggling to get the images she needed. She then sought help from a more senior colleague who was able to complete the scan. She didn't speak to you again because there was no need to, she was no longer completing the scan. I'm really sorry that you felt offended op but I do think you are being over sensitive.

BMI is irrelevant, the OP couldn't have the checks done on her Baby because of her body fat. She is obese, it is damaging her and her Baby's health and if she doesn't address her issues, it will damage her child.

I speak as someone who was obese as a child because my Father needed me to eat, so he felt OK about his overeating.

I've just gone from the obese range, to overweight. It doesn't do anyone any favours to pretend everything is OK. I was very active, also, but you've got to address diet.

I’m sorry you were upset OP but I think YABU. I don’t think the sonographer sounded rude, just factual. If you don’t like the facts it is in your power to change them. I’m a 16/18 and my BMI is 29 (I am on a diet because I don’t like being this fat).

@Rocinante1 If that is the case for your family I'm sorry to here that. I do hope they had more sympathetic medical practitioners treating them though.

Thanks for everybody's comments even the negatives ones and please feel free to carry on commenting.

I'm going to wish everyone good night and going to spend sometime in the garden with my mum who was a blood nurse for 30 years Lon a country much poorer than this one and never complained about having to struggle to find a vein on someone that was overweight and my husband who teaches kids from families that need looking after by the state and doesn't go around blaming people about their 'self inflicted' problems or conditions, even if it means he has to try harder sometimes to help these kids.

She had her back to you because that was how the computer was positioned? she was typing notes while someone else was taking care of you. Yes it would have been nice if she'd engaged with you but she was busy.
You can diet while pregnant, ive googled it myself
Maybe you're a bit sensitive today, I would celebrate that nothing was obviously wrong