AIBU not to want to be seen by the same sonographer again?

[mummyclarke1987]

Yesterday I had my 20w pregnancy scan. This is my second pregnancy and it took me a few months to conceive. Partly due to my pcos and partly due to stressing about getting pregnant. My bmi is in the high end currently 37 (size 18) I have not put any weight whatsoever since getting pregnant, however been apple shaped most of my extra weight in around my tummy always making it difficult to see the baby properly when having a ultrasound. However until yesterday no medical practitioner had made me feel bad about myself. They will always bring it up if they have to bad in a polite way.

The lady that perform the scan yesterday was an exception. She was pregnant too. She seemed very displeased and annoyed by the fact that she had to struggle to get good image, kept making faces and at the end she told me in a serious tone "I don't want to upset you but your bmi is a problem". She asked me to go back in the waiting room and have some water, so she can scan someone else and call me again later. I was cooperating perfectly and hoped that the views will be better with a full bladder.

I was called in 15 mins later by who I think was the lead sonographer. The pregnant lady was still in the room typing at the computer with her back turned to me and for the whole time I was there she did not speak to me or turned around to look at me. I was only spoken to my the lead sonographer who was a lot more pleasant and sympathetic. She managed to get some of the measurements but said I had to repeat the scan because it hadn't been possible to get all of them. She said it was a good start and that I did very well. She was very reassuring and professional.

I just think that the fact that the first sonographer was annoyed, then she threw that line at me "I don't want to upset you" as been pregnant and overweight is something I should be really upset about, combined with the fact that she did not turn her back to look at me again or acknowledged my existence, it just makes me not want to have anymore appointments with her. On the other hand she's pregnant too, she has a family and I wouldn't want to seem as if I'm complaining about her, because been a mother and pregnant as well, I'm thinking she might just be having a bad or long day and I wouldn't want to cause her any trouble at her work.

Please can you tell me if you think I'm been unreasonable?

Utterly ridiculous attitude to people being overweight , folk would rather let drug addicts and women who starve themselves have children but question an overweight BMI there’s an absolutely disgusting attitude out there towards overweight and it’s something you notice when you have been slim and become overweight .

Should we not care about people that are depressed, alcoholic or have problems with drugs?

Depression is not self inflicted, unlike obesity, alcoholism and drug abuse.

It is harmful to mix it in with issues people have inflicted upon themselves, Op.

As someone who is Fat and has not only a medical condition made worse by being fat but another condition that makes you fat I have all the luck I can see why you are upset but don’t think the sonographer did anything wrong.

Weight is a medical issue if you are fat and being monitored your weight will be talked about - that’s not fat shaming it’s being factual.

20 week scans are about the health of the baby. The person conducting the first one may not have been correct in the way she spoke to you but 2 different people were not able to complete the scan due to your size.

I would be upset and annoyed by it but i wouldn’t complain

@LemonShark

Why don't you take your faux concern and sad faced emoji elsewhere thats the polite version of what I wanted to write. You are talking to an OP who is pregnant and was treated rudely today. Have some empathy.

Op, the sonographer was rude to you and for that YANBU. I second what other PPs have said about when her back was turned though. There is a lot of measuring and things to record and work out at the 20wk scam so she was more than likely concentrating on that.

If any professional behaves in a way that's rude or makes you feel uncomfortable speak to PALS at the hospital and you can always ask to see someone else. I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes smoothly

And even if it does impede someone’s care it’s professional to be nice about it and not make someone feel like shit . I get patients who can’t even reach their own bottoms to wipe them they are so obese and get sores on their skin but they are ill and sure don’t need me criticising them and telling them what they already know , so I provide their care and treat them with respect , don’t see it as my duty to give them a daily dose of criticism .

Unfortunately a lot of healthcare professionals are not sympathetic when it comes to people who are overweight.
If you need surgery, bodyfat can affect the healing - muscle repairs itself fat doesn't.
If you need to be lifted or turned when sedated it can make the healthcare professional's work a lot harder, so you might be not offered sedation.
This is what I've been told anyway.

@mummyclarke1987

Yes, I'm sure that breathlessness & skin chaffing are great fun. Also the whole greater risk of dieing young and missing out on seeing your children grow up or being a grandparent must be an absolute hoot. Then there's things like that, where your wait impedes someone's ability to care for you... doesn't sound fun.

My sister has PCOS and she's a size 12. Not a perfect BMI but not obese. Many people with PCOS are not obese. It is absolutely possible.

If you insist on defending your weight and remaining this size, then you're going to have to accept it when someone tells you they are struggling to do their job due to your size.

She didn't say your fat was in the way, she didn't say you were too large to get a good picture. She used the term BMI and that's a professional as you can expect. When you came back in, someone else scanned you and she was doing other work. She isn't there to chit chat with you; she is there to work.
You want her to be professional... well that's exactly what she was doing. Sitting having s chat with you while someone else did your scan would have been a waste of her resources, and since you'd already taken up 2 appointments, I think you could enough NHS time.

@WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue what are talking about? People make wrong choices for them and that can lead them to get depressed. People get depressed after a divorce, people get depressed for feeling that they are not succeeding. The same way that people turn to food when they are depressed. Or they turn to alcohol when they are depressed.

mummyclarke1987 Don’t be so ignorant, OP.

If your knowledge of mental health conditions is so poor you either research it or you keep quiet so as not to both offend others and embarrass yourself.

Depression is not self inflicted. Obesity, alcoholism and drug abuse are.

she was a Cheeky Cow OP.. and you should request another person next time

@mummyclarke1987

But this has nothing to do with depression, alcoholics or drug abusers. I certainly didn't end any of my posts with "but I'd have no problems with alcoholics and drug abusers being Molly coddled". It's nothing to do with it.

I've noticed on mumsnet that when overweight people are critised they throw out "well what about alcoholics"... why? No one is talking about alcoholics. Alcoholics being a drain on resources doesn't suddenly stop obese people also being a drain. You can't refuse to discuss one problem simply because there are also other problems.

If you want to talk about those, that's great- it should be talked about, but it should not be used as a defence for being obese.

If you're comparing yourself to a drug abuser as a way to defend yourself, then that says more than I ever could.

gemini Exactly what did she say that was cheeky?

OP I understand the PCOS making it HARDER to lose weight. I know. I suffer with it to. My BMI was 31. I’ve lost loads of weight by changing what I eat (less refined sugars and by less I mean hardly any) and increasing my exercise my bmi is now 23 so it can be done.

Being overweight can cause complications the sonographer was merely pointing out why she couldn’t do her job and didn’t wish to upset you.

And I also have suffered with depression anxiety and eating issues. Food is not the answer believe me just the same way alcohol and drugs aren’t either.

OP it isn't fat shaming when a medical profession states facts.

I’ve been scanning for 20 years, I have had 3 operations on my right arm (thumb, wrist and elbow) all work related. In obstetrics women are definitely getting bigger, machine quality has improved so just about able to maintain standards but it is a challenge.

I can certainly manage to complete a scan where a more junior colleague would struggle.

I try not to mention a woman’s weight as it is almost impossible to put it in a way that will not offend,

@Rocinante1 Not everyone with PCOS is the same. I'm not breathless, I exercised 5 times a week before getting pregnant and I am still
Pretty active now. I'm
Member of a running club and even skinny people find themselves breathless when they first start. Weight has nothing to do with it. You built up stamina. I did a 10k run just before I got pregnant for charity and I've signed up for a half marathon next year. For people with dwarfism. People that are not of perfect size for whatever reason. Because I have sympathy. People get diabetes and cancer because of bad diet. Should the nhs not care for them because they caused that to them selves as you seem to think?

Sometimes we need to hear the truth for our own good.

I’m a sonographer and we have to tell people truthfully why we cannot get good quality images. If the reason we can’t assess the lips for a cleft is becaue the image is suboptimal due to a raised BMI then we have to inform the patient and document it.
If we were to get poor images and did not tell the patient / document it and and then it later transpired that an abnormality had been missed (because of patients habitus concealing it with poor views), sonographers may be blamed and opened up to litigation for not declaring the patients increased BMI causing problems to images during the scan.

There was a recent campaign for sonographers to use medical / factual terminology such as obese, raised BMI, and increased habitus and we are being told not to use softer wording such as cuddly or plump. It’s no good beating around the bush and being nicely nicely about it as people don’t take it as seriously as is needed.

Within the hospital I work, midwives and sonographers are staring a project trying to make overweight women realise the complications that occur during pregnancy and make them aware of the difficulties faced to both them and the staff looking after them during pregnancy. Trying to make overweight people accountable for their healthcare is going to be a mission!

Please don’t bring cancer into it. Just don’t.

People get diabetes and cancer because of bad diet. Should the nhs not care for them because they caused that to them selves as you seem to think?

Attempting the same argument twice with different conditions is just showing how ignorant you really are, OP.

Diabetes is not directly caused by bad diet, neither is cancer.

But if you eat too much and have no self control when you can literally see yourself getting bigger and still don’t stop, you are causing your own obesity.

If you drink too much you know you are going to become an alcoholic, and likewise, if you’re a regular drug taker, you will become addicted.

This is why obesity, alcoholism and drug abuse are all self inflicted yet the others you’ve thrown out there aren't.

Just saying but isn’t pregnancy in itself self inflicted?

I really can't see what she did wrong.

@mummyclarke1987

So now were using depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, cancer and diabetes as excuses for why your weight should not be mentioned despite the huge risks it comes with, the extra resources required to treat you and the extra expertise required to treat you.

Why? Why do any of those other conditions mean your weight stops being an issue?

My opinions on lots of healthcare are that you shouldn't expect the NHS to pick up the pieces of your bad choices. Emergency care should always be provided, genetic conditions etc. But for people who spend years abusing their bodies... they should be made to pay, even a nominal fee. The NHS is very likely to collapse if it continues treating everyrhing for free. We just cannot afford to waste resources. That's a horrible fact, but it's where we are as a county and someone smarter than me can figure out what to do.

But that has nothing to do with the discussion about your weight. Other self inflicted conditions have nothing to do with a discussion about your weight. Your weight does not stop being a problem.