AIBU not to want to be seen by the same sonographer again?

[mummyclarke1987]

Yesterday I had my 20w pregnancy scan. This is my second pregnancy and it took me a few months to conceive. Partly due to my pcos and partly due to stressing about getting pregnant. My bmi is in the high end currently 37 (size 18) I have not put any weight whatsoever since getting pregnant, however been apple shaped most of my extra weight in around my tummy always making it difficult to see the baby properly when having a ultrasound. However until yesterday no medical practitioner had made me feel bad about myself. They will always bring it up if they have to bad in a polite way.

The lady that perform the scan yesterday was an exception. She was pregnant too. She seemed very displeased and annoyed by the fact that she had to struggle to get good image, kept making faces and at the end she told me in a serious tone "I don't want to upset you but your bmi is a problem". She asked me to go back in the waiting room and have some water, so she can scan someone else and call me again later. I was cooperating perfectly and hoped that the views will be better with a full bladder.

I was called in 15 mins later by who I think was the lead sonographer. The pregnant lady was still in the room typing at the computer with her back turned to me and for the whole time I was there she did not speak to me or turned around to look at me. I was only spoken to my the lead sonographer who was a lot more pleasant and sympathetic. She managed to get some of the measurements but said I had to repeat the scan because it hadn't been possible to get all of them. She said it was a good start and that I did very well. She was very reassuring and professional.

I just think that the fact that the first sonographer was annoyed, then she threw that line at me "I don't want to upset you" as been pregnant and overweight is something I should be really upset about, combined with the fact that she did not turn her back to look at me again or acknowledged my existence, it just makes me not want to have anymore appointments with her. On the other hand she's pregnant too, she has a family and I wouldn't want to seem as if I'm complaining about her, because been a mother and pregnant as well, I'm thinking she might just be having a bad or long day and I wouldn't want to cause her any trouble at her work.

Please can you tell me if you think I'm been unreasonable?

You seem quite defensive here why fat shame - she wasn’t. She didn’t make nasty or abusive comments, she told you the truth. The bigger you are, the harder her job + the bigger the associated risks with your pregnancy.

You conceived quickly if it only took a few months!
Yanbu to feel a bit crestfallen over the sonographer's choice of words, but all being well you shouldn't need another scan during this pregnancy anyway so try not to worry about coming up against her again.

When I had my scan some years ago the sonographer opened the door to call me in, and at the same time let out the women she had been scanning. Sonographer looked me up and down and said "Finally, someone not made entirely of fat! We might actually get this done!" The woman who'd been in there just before me was right there next to us, and the room itself was off a packed waiting room. Me and other woman shared a face.

She was also utterly vile to me; told me off for the way I lay, told me off for not having a full enough bladder (I had drunk the recommended load of water) and when I confirmed that I wanted to know the sex, pretty much yelled at me "Well if you can't see that that's a penis I wonder how you got in this condition!"

Some people are just vile. I'm usually very up for a bit of confrontation when people are unpleasant - several jobs I've had have involved having to confront nasty attitudes - and would, at any other time, have challenged her both with her first nasty remark and her arseyness at me; but I was really not in a good place during that pregnancy. What a bitch, though!

@GiantPandaAttacks I was't saying the sonographer was fat shaming. I was talking about a comment above.

@vocalduck as I said I want to hear what people think. Do you think I should not be allowed to? Do you always change your opinion based on others? I don't. I'm just trying to decide whether I should ask for someone else or not. It's called providing an argument. And to turn your question at you if I'm been that unreasonable why are you still discussing my subject?

You're not mildly overweight OP. You're well into morbidly obese. This is not anyone else's fault.

But she didn’t do anything worthy of making an issue. You just don’t like she commented on your weight.

OP i’ll Give you a YANBU there was no need to mention your weight at all , she could have easily just kept it diplomatic and said she was having trouble getting a good image , very uneccessary to be negative and nasty about your weight . Saying that don’t expect any sympathy on here I was told I was obese and going to die on another thread because I’ve put 3 stone on on preganncy , I’m a health care professional and I really feel there is no need to fat shame someone or say anything about their body size unless she is your GP or heart specialist .

I don't really see what the sonographer did wrong?
She found it difficult!
She informed you why she couldn't get the images. She even tried to be sensitive to the fact that you might find it upsetting.
Why would she be chatting to you during the second scan? Someone else was doing it.

@Nicknacky Well I just don't like the fact that she was making faces and turned her back at me like that when what was her professional environment.

What did you want her to do while the other sonographer was scanning you?

It is a professional environment, and the medical professionals providing your care were working.

She was factual and wasn’t rude. It seems to be a sensitive issue but she was doing her job. Would you have been offended if a midwife or doctor told you to lose weight?

What faces? Faces that you make when you are concentrating and aren’t aware of it or faces of disgust?

Honestly, you are reading too much into it.

I probably make faces at work when I’m dealing with something tricky, doesn’t mean anything.

@Rocinante1
You don't seem to know what pcos is. You also don't know why I'm overweight. You don't know about my childhood and my struggles. Do you really go around and say these things to people? 'I allowed myself to get pregnant like that'. My Gp never told me I should not get pregnant. Are you perfect? Is anyone perfect? Is the nhs not to deal with overweight people or people with what you call 'self inflicted' conditions? Should we not care about people that are depressed, alcoholic or have problems with drugs? Also have you been my weight to know that's not fun. I have a lot of fun just the way I am.

YANBU

I am fat too and have had two healthy babies. During both pregnancies the only reference to my weight was that the sonographers would write something about restricted view on their report. None of them ever said anything to me about my weight. I had to have a couple of rescans and now I am wondering if that was the issue but at the time they just said baby’s positioning wasn’t great.

IF what you have written is what she said then it sounds like she was just stating a fact and explaining to you why it was taking so long / difficult.

She can’t lie and say “the baby is the lying the wrong way” or “I just don’t know”

A pp said that the job is hard and 20wks also v important. I had the same lady scan me with dc2 and 3 and she commented both times on my weight making me a “pleasure to scan” so in all honesty I just think being overweight makes it harder for them to do their job really well and that’s what they and you want isn’t it?

combined maybe with other things she just came accross rude to you.

Well if you can't see that that's a penis I wonder how you got in this condition

@Dljlr She sounds absolutely vile, but I must admit, that is a great one liner!

Sorry but it sounds to me like you are over-reacting. She was polite when she told you the reason why she needed you to have a full bladder and had asked a colleague to try the second time as the may have a different technique that would have better results.

It doesn't sound like she was being rude in the second scan either - she was working on something else, or recording your measurements why would she gossip with you?

@Dljlr Comedy gold

@Snappedandfarted2018 no i wouldn't and I did lose some weight before getting pregnant. Gp
is lovely and midwife the same. They never make far or comment like that. Health care professionals are meant to be sympathetic. If she doesn't like struggling with her job, she can do another. I struggle with my job everyday but don't make faces at people because I like what I do.

Blimey there are some rude and horrible people on here! Why don’t we just steralise anyone with a bmi over 25? Type one diabetes? Pcos? Smokers/drinkers? Abort the babies of anyone who gets GD and pre eclampsia? They can all carry ‘risks to the baby’. The op asked if the sonographer deserved a complaint, not if she was committing a crime being pregnant in the 1st place!

It must be hugely frustrating for sonographers when their ability to monitor a baby's health is impeded by the mother's weight. Scans take longer, are more difficult and often need to be repeated.

""I just think that the fact that the first sonographer was annoyed, then she threw that line at me "I don't want to upset you" as been pregnant and overweight is something I should be really upset about,""

Your weight is stopping them from being able to get accurate measurements, that's something to get upset about.

Most Sonographers "pull faces", I also think that it's concentration. You've interpreted that she was annoyed, it could have been why about missing something on your scan. Which is why she's handed it to someone senior. It wouldn't have then been appropriate for her to speak to you.

You might find that you are referred to the specialist MW team etc.