To call social services

[LittleMermaidRose]

Myself and DP don't know what to do (if anything)
A neighbour across the street from us has been shouting at her little girl constantly. Not even shouting, she screams at her. We never hear the child, just the mother. It seems to be her way of communicating with her.

We can't hear them when they're in their house, only their garden. What with the hot weather, they've been out a lot. On Saturday, we actually counted the mother screaming 45 times in an hour. But it's constant throughout the day.

We've never heard any threats towards the little girl or any hitting but it does make me wonder what's going on behind closed doors. How much more screaming goes on indoors?

We're worried it's emotional abuse. It really is constant shouting and screaming, when they're outdoors at least.

We don't know them personally so don't know their situation, but we feel worried for the child. We've been thinking of calling social services for advice but is it uncalled for?

I don't want to split up a family/do nothing if a child is being harmed. What's the best thing to do?

You all say ring SS, maybe they're just not that great in this area, but we called years back, other neighbours since then, even neighbours visitors, who were astonished we were so unphased by it. Feel for the children, but what can you do when no one who has the ability to act in a professional context does. Actually from what I recall living somewhere else, this made me feel physically sick, I think a child was ill or up in the night, they were sobbing, the parent was screaming. I had to put the radio on. When a different SS was called as this was a different area, I was asked was I a health visitor or professional in any context, since I wasn't they wouldn't take notice.

The only reason I have acted out maybe twice in over 40 years, is because I experienced the same as a child, I know how crushing it is.

The only reason I know the children's names is because they'll be identified and called a f*cker / little shit / all sorts.

look I think the vast majority of parents will have shouted at one time. I try very hard not too. There may be something else going on like hearing difficulties ECT but I don't think it's normal or ok to be constantly shouting. Would any adult here like it if your husband / boss/ parent ECT constantly shouted at you? I'm guessing not so it's obviously not very nice for a child. Only you have actually heard it op so I think really only you can make a decision on what you think is best.

OP, that's not abusive. She's not calling her child horrible names. Maybe the child is really stubborn, ignorant and naughty and her mum is frustrated.

I have to say if it's a regular thing, then yes be concerned. If it was a one off, Mum could just have been having a bad day. You should come round for coffee and hear what our street has to cope with.

Yes I'd definitely ring, you don't want the next post to start with "wish I'd rang......."

This is so funny. Wait til you have kids op. All rainbows and unicorns and happiness 😂 i think youre projecting your own childhood on the child. Call SS by all means .

I can’t bear constant telling off, whether shouted or not (& not because I’m a pearl clutcher but because I work with extreme challenging behaviour & it really isn’t helpful or effective). Shouting rarely helpful either (although of course we all do it at least some of the time).

However, what you have described really won’t be classed as abusive OP. It’s sounds like it’s just a loud version of the nit picking lots of kids grow up with. SS wouldn’t pay any attention to it, it’s not a SS issue, especially given how underresourced they are. I wouldn’t like hearing it all the time either, but if the child hears it all the time she probably doesn’t pay much attention to be honest.

I think you need to get a second opinion on this.

Next time you have friends round, ask them what they think.

It's possible you are overreacting a bit.

She sounds stressed and in need of support.

Agreed with Kokeshi. But please tell us what you decide to do.

Even if her friends agree - and its weird inviting them to listen in wtf - at the end of the day its still the SS's decision whether to investigate or not. I think the op is naive about the reality of parenting but she should call SS as i know she will be constructing all sorts of terrible imagery of abuse if she doesnt. Call ss and let them decide.

Agree, make the call op. it doesnt sound right to you. you can't clearly explain here what she is saying, but she is screaming.
SS will be used to such reports.

To anyone defending shouting at kids, your kids did not beg you to bring them to this world. You can't justify shouting because kid doesn't go to bed despite being told many times, doesn't listen, is stubborn.
Kid does not have a grown up adult brain. You do, learn to find ways to communicate in a way that is less damaging or seek help.

Anyone who thinks there is nothing wrong with shouting at kids is being selfish. You are responsible for the kid's emotional and mental wellbeing as well.
I would call SS. This parent needs to learn it's not okay to scream at kids.
Please don't tell others to have kids because they have too much free time or just to experience how difficult it is to raise kids. It's more responsible to be childfree than be a parent and neglect a child'd need. In this case, emotional well being and sense of safety.