To call social services

[LittleMermaidRose]

Myself and DP don't know what to do (if anything)
A neighbour across the street from us has been shouting at her little girl constantly. Not even shouting, she screams at her. We never hear the child, just the mother. It seems to be her way of communicating with her.

We can't hear them when they're in their house, only their garden. What with the hot weather, they've been out a lot. On Saturday, we actually counted the mother screaming 45 times in an hour. But it's constant throughout the day.

We've never heard any threats towards the little girl or any hitting but it does make me wonder what's going on behind closed doors. How much more screaming goes on indoors?

We're worried it's emotional abuse. It really is constant shouting and screaming, when they're outdoors at least.

We don't know them personally so don't know their situation, but we feel worried for the child. We've been thinking of calling social services for advice but is it uncalled for?

I don't want to split up a family/do nothing if a child is being harmed. What's the best thing to do?

I have a family member who constantly shouts, she’s partially deaf and has tinnitus.

I can just see we face when you ring so what’s the issue madam

Mum is telling child loudly stop that

Put that down
Stop touching that

This seems like gentle parenting horse shit if you came round my way op you would have ss on speed dial

My neighbors just shouted
I have blinking told you about doing that I M in doors and can hear them
I am not calling ss anyone who raises their voice to a child is abusive be have

Nothing will be done I bet my house ss have people who are high on drugs right this moment children sleeping on the floor and they would struggle to remove them the theashold to remove a child is very very high so nothing will happen nothing all you will do will suck up their time with middle class pearl clutching
People shout at their kids op

And quite frankly I don’t ever belive anyone who says they haven’t

Saw head teacher shout at her son in the car park this morning

Oh my god.
"come here"
"don't play with that"
"put that down"
That does not sound abusive. Maybe her daughter is really stubborn? I have 3 children and one of them is constantly being shouted at by me saying "get down!" "take that out of your mouth" "do not poke your brother in the eye" and I shout because I have said it all a million times before and still he defies me. She's not name calling...

kaytee87its likey op is one of these attachment parents that anything other than would you like to go to bed in a low whisper is abuse

Flatearthersphere

Oh my god.
"come here"
"don't play with that"
"put that down"
That does not sound abusive. Maybe her daughter is really stubborn? I have 3 children and one of them is constantly being shouted at by me saying "get down!" "take that out of your mouth" "do not poke your brother in the eye" and I shout because I have said it all a million times before and still he defies me. She's not name calling...
this told dd1 to put her shoes on 15 time this morning in the end I shouted big style

She certainly sounds as though she could do with some support. Screaming at your child 45 times in an hour is not normal.

Maybe actually talk to your neighbour. I do agree we all need to look out for each other, especially vulnerable people like children but then you are only talking about the volume of someone saying things that I'm sure a lot of parents of similar aged children would feel they say more than they would like to at times (5 year olds can be hard work re listening!). My son at that age would have also remained quiet had I been shouting at him, not because he was used to it (far from it!) but because it would just have gone over his head as another thing to ignore me on. You also say it's constant but only when they're outside can you hear anything, so in essence you don't actually know if it's constant or not. To just sit and count how many times someone raises their voice is not something I would personally do. I would always speak to school/ss with any concerns, but this quite honestly just sounds like a loud mouth who nags a lot.

I phoned RSPCA once and they were really helpful, you can keep it all anonymous if you like as well.

And what do you mean by "screaming" and "roaring", do you really just mean raising her voice and / or shouting.

Oooops I meant NSPCC

Please don't contact the child's school - there will be nothing they can tell you and little they can do if there aren't concerns from their viewpoint.

It may be that the mum is just very loud (although a screaming tone isn't good, even if what is said isn't particularly abusive). Give the NSPCC helpline a call - they will best advise you.

It might not be a problem at all, but if that is the default volume for speaking to the child, there is either a need for some help being aware of her volume, or help with parenting skills if the child is consistently stubborn or 'naughty'.

GlitterGlue

I don’t believe for one second that op sat with a timer counting

Unless the op has no children and job of her own tbh
I just can iamagine me sitting counting how many tones my neighbors shout stop that at their child but I have 3 children a job and a husband and cleaning to do

That's not abusive.
No reason to call SS.

Rockhopper81

So if a child is stubborn it equates to parents needing parenting skills

And people who speak loud need help

The OP said the mother screams - not 'shouts' or 'tells' but screams at her little girl up to 45 times an hour. That might be right in her face. Right in her ear. The girl never cries, never answers back.

We have several young DC and a 'normal' household with it's fair share of raised voices and occasional frustrated shouts, but screaming at one young child constantly is NOT usual.

I cannot believe so many posters are now sneering how normal that is and how it cannot possibly be abusive as it's just 'put that down' or whatever.

Verbal/emotional abuse to a child does NOT just mean swearing or threats.

To conclude my comment OP, I agree - give NSPCC a call for advice.

Some people are loud. It may even be that the mother is hard of hearing and doesn't know how loud she is being - certainly none of the phrases sound abusive.

I don't have any children but I appreciate that shouting is sometimes necessary. I was shouted at when I was a child but only when I was doing something wrong/wouldn't listen.

As I said previously, it's not what she's shouting, it's how. She doesn't ever speak to the child, she only screams at her.

She's not always telling her off either, it's just how she "talks" to her.

Dp mentioned first to me last week that he was concerned with all the shouting. I've been hearing it go on for a long time and felt bad that I hadn't said anything before. He only hears it in the evening whereas I hear it most mornings and afternoons.

Something doesn't sit right with me. The comments saying that it isn't emotional abuse are exactly the reason I don't want to call social services. But constant screaming can't be right.

so you don’t have any kids

Makes perfect sense now
To much time on you hands if you have children you would know everyone everyone raises their voice to their children people who say they don’t are either liers or those attachment parents who I see being hit by their kids at soft play

Oh by the way had a massive shouting match with my oldest hes18 it was ugly 3 days ago but you would have no idea it was him would you you might think I was shouting at my 3 year old but because your not in my house you would have no clue

I agree with bette.
Being screamed at 45 times on an hour is not ok.
Please call op. You are helping, not getting people into trouble.

NSPCC is the way to go if you feel you don’t want to contact SS. They will talk it through with you.

Past experience of posters worried about shouty parents on here often goes the way of loads of MNers defending shouting eg "Well I shout at mine all the time, I must be an awful parent" type replies.

Yes some people are shouty. Doesn't make it right, or okay.

As an adult I wouldn't want to live with someone who was constantly raising their voice to shout at me instead of talk, so why would a small child want to.

Personally I would call SS. I'd call asking them to check on the child, and tell them I hoped it turned out that perhaps mum or child was hard of hearing. I'd always rather make that tough call than wonder if I'd left a child suffering.

Definitely go with your gut. The amount of shouting doesn't seem right.

LittleMermaidRose
People shout at their kids some people do it rarely some people often

People have different parenting standards
As a black person with a Caribbean background we tell our kids a lot and are very strict
I know this is not fashion with middle class pearl clutchers but this is how we parent

You and your DP are the ones who are hearing this, and you are clearly concerned.

I think you should contact NSPCC or Social Work and speak to them about this. In terms of safeguarding, I think this could be described as a welfare concern. It may be another piece of a picture being put together by social services - it might be a first report - but they will be able to assess and make a decision.

Contact them, and let them know. They'll decided what, if anything, happens next.

I'm a mum and the only times I've raised my voice at my child are when they've been in imminent, serious danger. I can count them on one hand. I'm far from the gentle parenting type, I just think constant shouting isn't an effective form of communication.