To call social services

[LittleMermaidRose]

Myself and DP don't know what to do (if anything)
A neighbour across the street from us has been shouting at her little girl constantly. Not even shouting, she screams at her. We never hear the child, just the mother. It seems to be her way of communicating with her.

We can't hear them when they're in their house, only their garden. What with the hot weather, they've been out a lot. On Saturday, we actually counted the mother screaming 45 times in an hour. But it's constant throughout the day.

We've never heard any threats towards the little girl or any hitting but it does make me wonder what's going on behind closed doors. How much more screaming goes on indoors?

We're worried it's emotional abuse. It really is constant shouting and screaming, when they're outdoors at least.

We don't know them personally so don't know their situation, but we feel worried for the child. We've been thinking of calling social services for advice but is it uncalled for?

I don't want to split up a family/do nothing if a child is being harmed. What's the best thing to do?

@Rockhopper81 one of my children as I said above is consistently stubborn. I do not need help with my parenting skills. What an assumption to make.

Its people calling as over things like this, a parent telling her child to stop that and put something down, that freaks people out about social services. Parents do shout sometimes.

Agree, please don't try to take matters into your own hands and approach the mum directly. 1. You are not trained in assessing these types of situations and 2. it will likely just drive the problem indoors.

Call SS. That's what they are therefor. If they assess and there is nothing wrong then no harm. If there is something they will first work with the family to try and improve parenting techniques. Splitting up the family is a last resort.

As I said previously, it's not what she's shouting, it's how. She doesn't ever speak to the child, she only screams at her.

If they live across the street I doubt you can hear every word they speak in the garden or the house so thats a very sweeping statement.

For what its worth I have a similar aged DC and he will do things like say fiddle with my washing as I peg it out, I start with please don't touch that etc. but do lose my cool a bit after the 4th or 5th time and end up shouting "leave it alone" or "come here" etc.

I used to be like you before children when I overheard shouty mums at parks but sometimes you can't help it. When the DC are playing together they get so distracted I have to shout things like "don't do that", "put that down" etc. to prevent them from harm which sounds similar to the mum you speak of.

You say they should remove dangerous things from the garden but without having children thats quite naive as they will find all sorts of objects to mess about with.

Sorry, I meant to add call NSPCC for a second opinion. I think they will know the correct questions to ask you to help you decide if you should take it further.

YourHandInMyHand

I'm a mum and the only times I've raised my voice at my child are when they've been in imminent, serious danger. I can count them on one hand. I'm far from the gentle parenting type, I just think constant shouting isn't an effective form of communication.
but you have shouted and what you consider danger another parent may just see and overprotective shouty mum because we all parent differently

"come here"
"don't play with that"
"put that down"

Oh no! Was someone parenting their child?

children, especially at that age, bascially ignore every fucking thing you say. SHouting doesn't especially help, but it's the result of saying it ten times at a normal volume. WHich btw you wouldn't hear.

She’s shouting at her child 45 times in one hour and people think that’s normal?! My god, I would hate to live next door to you!

Op, I would report. Even if it’s nothing you have done something about it. It’s always better to be safe than sorry in regards to children’s well-being I believe.

I know this is not fashion with middle class pearl clutchers but this is how we parent

This made me smile a lot

Seeingadistance

You and your DP are the ones who are hearing this, and you are clearly concerned.

I think you should contact NSPCC or Social Work and speak to them about this. In terms of safeguarding, I think this could be described as a welfare concern. Iit wouldn’t I put money on ss not even going for a visit
They have children who are actually being abused who they barley can get to visit

OP, you sound worried about this child and I think you should follow your gut instinct that all is not right here. It isn't your place to work out if there is abuse going on, but it's your place to put it in front of trained professionals who can make that call. Please tell SS or NSPCC X

Remove dangerous things from the garden?? My toddlers will dig in the soil for stones then try to eat them, they will pull up my tulips and they will try and lick bird poo and eat worms. You obviously have never tried to baby proof a garden.

Also, if she was screaming inside, you would hear her, especially as the windows are all open.

TeddyIsaHe

She’s shouting at her child 45 times in one hour and people think that’s normal?! My god, I would hate to live next door to you! we don’t belive she sat down timed a hour and the Counted the shouting and it actually turns out not to be shouting but perfectly normal commands to hear
Along any school run in the U.K. you will hear mums bellowing come here now
Your not having any more

Ect ect

I think this soft touch crap is a result of all this gentle parenting BS which from what I've seen with my own eyes seems to result in a lot of naughty children with zero boundaries.

If you are concerned, call NSPCC for advice. But your updates sound a tad uptight tbh. Screaming isn’t good but it happens. And you mention you haven’t ever heard the mum talk to her child in a normal voice but why would you if she’s in her house and you’re in yours?

If you are worried, you should ring someone. You are the one hearing it and the condescending posters who are saying you're overreacting because you don't have kids or may be middle class aren't. You'd swear shouting at your children is some sort of achievement from the sneery posts on here.

OP how would you hear her doing bed time stories at night?

Or asking her to put her Pjs on?

Or eat her breakfast?

All you hear is the shouting that happens pretty regularly by a mother or father to a kid being a pain in the garden.

I'd be far more concerned if the parent WASN'T telling her to avoid potentially dangerous problems in the garden.

Flatearthersphere And if you dare tell your child off raise your voice or or enforce boundaries

The cluchers want to call ss

I am so glad I am from a West idian background were discipline is not see as abuse Jesus wept

Did you sit and time her for an hour op?

I have a 7 year old and a 2.5 year old both girls. We currently have a paddling pool in the garden. Over the weekend I have lost count of how many times I have had to say, please don’t push your sister in the pool, can you please stop winding each other up, get off the hosepipe, can you not throw water over my washing, don’t put mud in the pool, will you two just play nicely! And yes I have shouted on quite a few occasions this weekend - why? Because they are either not listening in general or too busy winding each other up to listen to me!

My neighbour popped her head over the fence on Sunday and said glad mine have grown up and laughed.

She has 4 girls - now women - she knows how it is.

OP no-one on here heard this other than you, everyone is just making assumptions about whether it is ok or not, without hearing it no-one can make a fair assessment, they just comment from their own parenting perspective. Call the nspcc anonymously and you can discuss it with professionals before you make any decisions about whether to go to social services etc.

OP, you know what to do, crack on, poor little mite.

If your concerned, please call SS. I do shout, and sometimes scream and dc, ds 6 can be a toad, goading and winding up dd 11 who has ASd and learning difficulties. He can also be cheeky and backchat. DD can also be screaming, meltdowns and just will not listen to reason, sometimes I loose my rag. This heat has not helped. 45 times in 1 hour is excessive.

You don't have children, so you expect it to be like the waltons! You don't know how she speaks to her in between, you have a very tiny glimpse of their life. It does not sound abusive

I think there’s a lot of people on this thread who yell at their kids and perhaps worry that people want to call SS on them. But it sounds like what you’re hearing goes beyond normal parenting and I think you should call SS.

And anyone who shouts at their kids so much that they get defensive reading a thread like this should probably seek help with their parenting.

I'm not making an assumption, I'm saying it might be a consideration. If SS do perform a visit, what do you think they're going to say about screaming at a child 45 times in an hour? They're not going to remove the child, but chances are they'll offer suggestions on how to better manage your emotions with regard to your child. That's not saying anyone is a crap parent, but yeah, if you're shouting at your child constantly (and it's the default volume/tone), then there are issues there somewhere. If it's that your child is consistently stubborn, there are techniques for dealing with children like that that don't involve screaming and shouting all the time.

I know all parents shout at times. I get that - it's part of being a parent. If it was just loud volume, I'm sure the OP wouldn't be as concerned. If the tone is screaming, it's an issue, and I can't believe so many people think it's okay for people to talk to their children this way on a regular basis.

Also - before anyone says it - I'm not a lightweight, I'm not against telling children off, I'm not against raising your voice to children when necessary. But I am against screaming at children consistently, and I won't apologise for that - behaviour isn't improved or managed by screaming at children.