Marrying a monster!

[devastatedtonight]

Sorry for posting here for traffic. I need a hand hold. We’ve been planning our wedding for six months, together four years. Had our ups and downs, he can be nasty and angry but so can I.

Tonight he’s said stuff there’s no going back from. Apparently I gave him a deadline to marry me, he’s angry he doesn’t have an engagement gift, I don’t pay him rent (he doesn’t pay rent he has a house fully paid for from an inheritance), when I moved in I offered to pay and he didn’t want to take it. He has two children and I’ve always paid half towards everything, so I don’t think I’m freeloading. He has wealthy parents and a lot of money in the bank, we were going halves on the wedding and I had to get a large bank loan.

He’s said his daughter hates me. Shouted the most awful names to me.

Sorry I’m waffling. I’ve walked out and am sat in my car. He won’t answer his phone now. I’m not in a good place.

Leave him! This isn’t what a happy relationship is about. It sounds horribly toxic. Sending hugs.

Wow OP. Thank goodness you found out now rather than after the wedding. Like you said, no going back now. You deserve better than this!

Keep walking. Lucky escape. Huge hug and sending strength.

Cancel the wedding first thing in the morning, and swiftly get yourself up, out and away from this man. Thank goodness you didn't tie yourselves together with marriage! I would say lucky escape.

Sounds awful but getting in the car was a real positive. You simply can’t marry this man. Your relationship is not mature enough for marriage. Going in to marriage you should have had all those conversations about marital finances, roles and responsibilities and have to be open and trusting in your communications. If that is missing it really is just a wedding party not a commitment to each other for life.

Have you someone you can stay with tonight whilst situation calms?

So sorry op, but he is vile, leave and don't look back, you will find someone lovely l am sure...

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I’m in a bit of a pickle financially, I have this big wedding loan and nowhere to live! I’ve got a good job so can pay it back but I’ve spent about 5k already! I’m not worried about the lost money although it’s a bummer, more about the burden of the loan! Oh well it was my choice.

Marriage won't change a thing OP if anything he will most likely think he now owns you!
I hate it when they play "victim" when actually he is nothing but the perpetrator!
Yes you give him back as much as he gives as no doubt, you are literally at your wits end with this toss pot!
Give him this from me..🖕🏻..to you..🤣

Honestly get away from him. The red flags are there so take note. Do not make the same mistakes like alot of us make by ignoring his behavior, because believe you me once you get married or have a baby life will become even more complicated and difficult.
Get out whilst you can. It will be the beat thing you will do for yourself and your mental health.

Sorry that was meant to say;
Give him this 🖕🏻off me for you!💐

Do not phone him. Phone your Mother, your Father, your sister, your best friend, your cousin. Please phone someone else, preferably someone with a spare bed who can give you a hug, let you cry and tell you he is not worth it.

He doesn't want to marry you. This is deep seated resentment and not the words a nervous but in love groom. If he had any regrets saying what he did, he would be phoning you. He is not. He has switched off his phone leaving those words ringing in your ear.

Best £5000 you ever spent, finding out at this point and moving on with your life. Tell your nearest and dearest exactly what happened.

Run for the hills OP.
This knobhead will only get worse.

In the long run, the money won't matter. It's better to get away from this man and be in be in debt, rather than stay for the sake of 5k.

Although it seems as though you've made up your mind which is fantastic. Keep moving forward, you're not financially tied to him in terms of the house and stuff.

Keep moving forward and get away from him. It sounds absolutely toxic.

As others have said, far better to find out now then afterwards - don't worry about what anyone else thinks and don't worry if you can be angry too - that just doesn't matter. Take care of yourself. Onwards!

Stop trying to call him, ffs! He’s a worthless cunt.

The money you can recoup in a few months. I feel very strongly that marrying this man would be an awful mistake. Please go and stay somewhere else tonight and don’t keep this behaviour a secret from those close to you. He sounds nasty and there are so many red flags pointing towards worse abuse to come.

This all sounds like bitterness from his last relationship break-down raring it's ugly head. I think he's still not over it. He sounds like he never got over the financial split, in particular. He will need to work this through before getting married to you. If you still love him after this outburst, that is.

Oh, OP.

The money you'll lose on the wedding is a drop in the ocean compared to a miserable marriage ending in divorce.

Keep walking.

Rather lose the 5k then have to pay further down the line for a divorce

You've lost less money than if you we t ahead with the marriage then got divorced.

I’m so sorry this has happened, but I’m sure when you look back on this you will be relieved he showed his true colours before the weddin.

You’re doing the right thing, there isn’t a way back from this. Thank god you found out now. Seriously

You WILL look back on this in a few weeks and you’ll see how it is a good thing that you see who he is now.

You're not going to sleep in the car tonight are you? Do you have somewhere to stay?