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AIBU?

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Original poster

Marrying a monster!

117 replies

devastatedtonight · 08/07/2018 22:13

Sorry for posting here for traffic. I need a hand hold. We’ve been planning our wedding for six months, together four years. Had our ups and downs, he can be nasty and angry but so can I.

Tonight he’s said stuff there’s no going back from. Apparently I gave him a deadline to marry me, he’s angry he doesn’t have an engagement gift, I don’t pay him rent (he doesn’t pay rent he has a house fully paid for from an inheritance), when I moved in I offered to pay and he didn’t want to take it. He has two children and I’ve always paid half towards everything, so I don’t think I’m freeloading. He has wealthy parents and a lot of money in the bank, we were going halves on the wedding and I had to get a large bank loan.

He’s said his daughter hates me. Shouted the most awful names to me.

Sorry I’m waffling. I’ve walked out and am sat in my car. He won’t answer his phone now. I’m not in a good place.

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 08/07/2018 23:07

More strength to you op. Don’t go back from this, he is showing you clearly who he is. I expect he will be stricken soon and beg you to go back, but it will be more of the same.

Who can you stay with onthe meantime? Stay on here for support.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 08/07/2018 23:08

Sometimes we get an unplanned exit,chance to escape.this is yours
You’re walking away unencumbered no kids,no mortgage.get your stuff.go!
he’s mean and unkind.dont marry him,don’t regret you never took your chance to go

Singlenotsingle · 08/07/2018 23:10

He's quite tight isn't he? No one likes a tightwad! Expecting you to get a loan for the wedding - ring the hotel and cancel it in the morning. You might get a refund, or partial refund...

GladAllOver · 08/07/2018 23:12

Congratulations on your lucky break! £5k well spent.

banannabreadforme · 08/07/2018 23:17

Is this normal behavior? Could he be nervous?
Do you have somewhere to stay tonight?
I'd let you both calm down. If you've been going out for 4 years and planning a wedding for 6 months this isn't a surprise to him. Try and meet somewhere neutral and have a sensible chat to see what's going on. If you can't get a rational response give him up as a bad job and move on.
Sorry this has happened

Snowysky20009 · 08/07/2018 23:19

Run OP and don't look back

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 08/07/2018 23:24

So sorry this has happened to you. Any person making you take out a loan for your wedding when he has money in the bank is not a keeper. Do you have friends/family you can stay with ?

FlirtyRomanticToast · 08/07/2018 23:33

Thank goodness the mask slipped before the wedding Flowers

£5k is quite a big chunk of change to lose alright but considering it against your freedom from this fecker it's buttons.

hungryhippo90 · 08/07/2018 23:39

Please believe that he is showing you his true self.
Please, please take it from me, as a woman who ignored warning signs of who my partner was, I said oh it’s just this circumstance, it’s that.... the truth is he never treated me as if I was ever that important to him, I never felt that he had strived to be better for me, for our family. That ended with me overheating him accepting a new job in Germany which until that point I knew nothing about. Royally fucked springs to mind.

Please listen as he’s telling you that he intends to have you pay half of what should be paid when he’s paying nothing, that you can go into debt whilst he has savings, and as for his daughter hating you, I have no words.

If you marry him you’ll spend your life regretting it.

If he comes to you with an apology, tell him to shove it up his arse.

CoolCarrie · 08/07/2018 23:41

He is a shit, and you deserve better.

hungryhippo90 · 08/07/2018 23:45

Honestly the biggest sign that you two shouldn’t be married is, you are getting married, to find your wedding to him, you have taken out a sizeable loan, when he has money in savings.

If he cannot go into your marriage with the belief that the savings in the bank are both of yours, it seems he’s very stingy with his money.

Please don’t do this to yourself.

CoolCarrie · 08/07/2018 23:45

Your freedom is priceless! Ffs don’t look back, move onwards and upwards.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 08/07/2018 23:50

He sounds the type to get even more nasty when he realises that he can’t reel you back in once he changes his mind. Don’t fall for a charm offensive or any apologies because you’ve seen who he really is. Stop calling him and only contact him to arrange getting your stuff moved out.

Get in contact with someone you can stay with until you sort out a new home. If you have nowhere to stay tonight go to a local hotel. Whatever you do don’t go back there.

PickAChew · 09/07/2018 00:07

If you did marry and had a child, together, he would expect you to pay for everything. Clothes, food, the lot.

Honeyroar · 09/07/2018 00:16

Make that your last apology to him, you've no need. He shouted and said awful things to you, yet hadn't apologised to you...

When should the wedding be? I had a cancelled wedding once, I got a fair bit of the deposits back as it was a few weeks before. What I lost was worth every penny for not being legally tied to Mr Wrong,

Please try and contact a friend or relative that you could stay with. You need some real life support.

coconutpie · 09/07/2018 00:16

That €5k is the best €5k you've spent as it's just saved you from a marriage of hell and a divorce that will cost you way more - emotionally and financially. You might even be able to recoup some of that €5k if you can try and get some wedding deposits back. Keep walking and don't look back.

Stillme1 · 09/07/2018 00:16

Whatever money you have left from the loan use to get yourself a rental property for the time being and start planning a life without all the nasty stress crap you have just walked away from. You are the most important now look after yourself first.

SeaToSki · 09/07/2018 00:21

Give him the respect of believing what he tells you.

Hold you head high, and walk away and into your future

Crewpt · 09/07/2018 00:21

Leave him op. You do not deserve that, there is such thing as having a row and not getting abused from a height. Let him marry himself. You will thank your lucky stars you left him one day.

Ski40 · 09/07/2018 00:22

Call it a lucky escape. This guy needs help. Like others said, the money is nothing compared to the misery that marriage would have caused you. Take care 💐 x

Grammarist · 09/07/2018 00:23

Run. Run away and don't look back.

Jux · 09/07/2018 00:29

Lucky you, you've found what he's like before being married, and before you had children. 5K is worth it for that.

You will be fine, you'll find somewhere to live, you'll pay back the debt, you'll be on the up and moving forwards without a nasty bastard bring you down and making everything your fault.

Good work, devastated!

bsbabas · 09/07/2018 01:18

Don't give back the engagement ring use it to pay off the loan

fieryginger · 09/07/2018 01:20

A wedding is nothing, it's a day. A marriage is your life. Go with your gut.

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/07/2018 01:42

How many times has he been married? What does he say is the reason his marriage/s ended?

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