Marrying a monster!

[devastatedtonight]

Sorry for posting here for traffic. I need a hand hold. We’ve been planning our wedding for six months, together four years. Had our ups and downs, he can be nasty and angry but so can I.

Tonight he’s said stuff there’s no going back from. Apparently I gave him a deadline to marry me, he’s angry he doesn’t have an engagement gift, I don’t pay him rent (he doesn’t pay rent he has a house fully paid for from an inheritance), when I moved in I offered to pay and he didn’t want to take it. He has two children and I’ve always paid half towards everything, so I don’t think I’m freeloading. He has wealthy parents and a lot of money in the bank, we were going halves on the wedding and I had to get a large bank loan.

He’s said his daughter hates me. Shouted the most awful names to me.

Sorry I’m waffling. I’ve walked out and am sat in my car. He won’t answer his phone now. I’m not in a good place.

That 5k is gone now whether you marry him or not. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy. Run now, grieve later, and then after that thank every single lucky star you have that you didn't marry this piece of shit.

Sorry another one saying that's £5k you'll be glad you lost soon.

When you have spoken to your family and got back on your feet, think about having some therapy. What made you think you needed to spend thousands you didn't have to be with this man? Sounds like he made it very hard not to do that. I was married to someone who split the bills proportionately according to our salaries, but then wanted us to live a life based on his salary rather than mine, which meant I couldn't afford even a small proportion of the costs. If you are in debt, something is always wrong - I would say things will improve soon after you have left him.

I’m sorry this has happened Op, but as others have said, don’t get married to this guy. It really REALLY will get worse.
Have you got somewhere you can stay? Family/friends/hotel/Airbnb?
and a hand hold, good luck

Please phone someone who loves you and will look after you x

Walk away. It's better that you know this now if those are his feelings. Hope you're ok. In your shoes I'd check into nearest comfy hotel for now and retrieve my possessions the next day.

Leaving an arsehole is priceless. It’ll be worth every penny.

Stop phoning him op. You need to leave him alone and if and when both of you are calm ( wait at least a few days) talk through how you are going to END this toxic relationship. This behaviour only continues I'm afraid. Get some real life support asap , good luck

Thank goodness you found out before you married him. I'm so sorry OP. Walking away will be the best thing you ever do.

You'd still have the 5k debt regardless of whether you marry him or not. You won't be happily married though and getting divorced will cost a lot more financially and emotionally. Keep walking

Please think twice about him, from someone who wishes they had x

Cancel whatever you can, recoup whatever you can. I sadly had to do this once and the hotel gave me everything back because they felt sorry for me and had a waiting list for summer weddings.

I then made the dreadful mistake of marrying him a year later. Cost me a lot more five k, I can tell you.

You didn't dodge a bullet as much as a fucking cannon ball.

Hard to believe a man could be such a twat that he lets his girlfriend borrow money for their wedding when he's got enough to pay for it. That should've been the first sign.

I'm with the others, OP. It's an investment alright - in your own future and sanity. Get out asap.

Sad and awful as it is, you yourself know the answer for you. Instinct and gut feelings are nearly always correct.

There are two sides to every story though.

Be grateful it happened now and not after the wedding. Leave tomorrow and never look back at him. You deserve better, much better.

What did you do with the rent money you were saving?

Learn this lesson for the future and look after your own interests first

Run don't look back

No you cannot marry THAT! He is abusive. Run and never look back. Get your stuff and never speak or contact again . Good luck x

What a nob. Thing is even if he begs for forgiveness and you go back you will never forget. Get out now while you can

He wants out and is panicking, hence the rude waffle. You'd be better elsewhere.
Sorry. It'll all work out for you in the end. Hopefullly with someone else though.

Just echoing what the others have said.

You’ve had a lucky escape, now keep moving forward.

It would cost a lot more to divorce the abusive fuck. Get away.

Thanks everyone. I paid off a lot of debt I had with the rent I saved. I was virtually debt free before the wedding planning. It’s funny my gut instinct was not to get the loan and not to spend the money! Wish I’d listened. I know 5k will be nothing when I look back, it’s just a bit gut wrenching to waste when I’m not wealthy.

He’s text me and blames me entirely. He won’t admit to any responsibility. I’m not perfect and said stuff I wish I hadn’t but I’ve apologised, he just shouts at me.

l appreciate your thoughts about the money, but seriously, it's well worth it not to have years of unhappiness. Trust me, l know. You've done so well today, please don't go back.
l don't know where you are in the country, but if you need somewhere to go, message me - l have a spare room and you'd be very welcome. l've been there myself and it's not good. x

This one is a toad - throw him back!

The money is lost regardless of whether you marry him or not. Regard it as the cost of education.

Hard to believe a man could be such a twat that he lets his girlfriend borrow money for their wedding when he's got enough to pay for it. That should've been the first sign.

This ^^ in spades. Run while you can op