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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to withdraw DS from nursery after DSD treated horribly over work experience?

111 replies

TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:13

Hey everyone...

I'm just after some advice really.

DSD was due to start work experience next week at DS2 nursery. She went there on Friday as instructed by her contact to have an induction there and was basically told to get lost. The owner was rude to her, humiliated her and then marched her out of the door. She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run.

The kid is devastated.

I've been using the nursery for years at considerable expense and I am quite upset at the way she has been treated.

This was a placement she had sorted out herself without mentioning me or DH as she wanted to achieve it on her own.

She has had letters from the nursery confirming her place and has had conversations with them numerous times on the phone. Her contact who told her to go in was on holiday so she wasn't there either.

I have offered to ring the nursery tomorrow to find out why she was treated that way and see if it was just a mix up. DSD said she will not go there for work experience anyway now as she would be too uncomfortable and has also said it has put her off working in any nursery in the future.

DSD is a lovely girl and my heart breaks for her. She is quite shy and it took a lot for her to do this on her own and now her confidence is shattered to pieces. She had been and bought herself all new clothes for this and now has to go to school all week instead.

So....AIBU to withdraw DS over this...a miscommunication I could totally understand but DSD is not prone to overdramatics and is clearly very upset about it all.

All advice totally welcome and appreciated

OP posts:
comedycentral · 08/07/2018 21:17

I think it gives you an insight into how employees are treated. I would totally have a word with them to find out what has happened. Your poor DSD, it is awful when they lack confidence anyway and stuff like this happens.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 08/07/2018 21:17

I probably would. Poor DSD, I wouldn't want to do work experience there either after that kind of treatment. She did so well to organise it herself and even if it hadn't been communicated, they could have handled it kindly rather than humiliating her.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:17

was basically told to get lost. The owner was rude to her, humiliated her and then marched her out of the door. She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run.

If it happened like this, yes, I would move my child.

But that is a description of events that (at least to me) sounds massaged. 'Basically told to get lost'? What was actually said? 'Marched her out of the door'? What did she actually do? Etc.

C0untDucku1a · 08/07/2018 21:19

Id phone the nursery I'm the morning and find out their version of events.

Ginger1982 · 08/07/2018 21:19

I wouldn't withdraw DS but I would certainly go in and find out what happened.

dinosaurkisses · 08/07/2018 21:20

Your poor DSD!

I’d take DS out as it would indicate to me that the owner is happy to mistreat people who can’t or won’t answer back to her. If she is happy to be such a shit to a teenager, I’d guess she acts similarly to staff and potentially her mindees.

I’d take great pleasure in withdrawing my child and I’d tell her exactly why. And ensure she knew I’d be placing my dc with a competitor.

Firstnameterms · 08/07/2018 21:21

I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from going over there and asking them what happened. Unfortunately some people think that teenagers can be treated like crap and it isn’t on. Get their version of events but I would be making serious complaints if it is true.

pennycarbonara · 08/07/2018 21:22

it has put her off working in any nursery in the future

She should really be encouraged to try other nurseries though, for the sake of learning some resilience, rather than giving up on an entire field of work because of one unpleasant experience.

frasier · 08/07/2018 21:23

I would withdraw my child. I wouldn’t people like that as a role model for my child.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:25

Hi...thank you for the replies

She asked her who she was and DSD told her that that was there for an induction and had been told to go. The person she spoke to told her that she had never heard her and that there was no record of her. DSD told her that she had letters and had spoken to the contact.

The nursery person then told her the contact was not in and she couldn't check.

Obviously I appreciate this could have been a miscommunication between the nursery staff and that wouldn't be a problem for me at all. My issue is more the way she treated her.

She opened the door and ushered her out telling her she was busy. DSD is 15 and quite shy. Also not prone to lying or over exaggerating. She is very hurt and upset as she really looking forward it.

I just think it could have been handled very differently..e.g., I'm sorry you've had a wasted journey..nursery contact isn't here today can we take your number and get back you? etc..

OP posts:
comedycentral · 08/07/2018 21:26

She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run

I would also be asking her what sort of an actual shit show she is running when she doesn't even know when work experience staff are coming in and out.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:29

*Hi...thank you for the replies

She asked her who she was and DSD told her that that was there for an induction and had been told to go. The person she spoke to told her that she had never heard her and that there was no record of her. DSD told her that she had letters and had spoken to the contact.

The nursery person then told her the contact was not in and she couldn't check.*

Hmm. That doesn't sound exactly like what you said before. It isn't super polite, but it isn't telling her to get lost. It's stating the fact that she couldn't let her in.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:31

I think I will speak to them in the morning and ask them their version. I do believe DSD though as she is not the type of kid that makes things up.

I just feel so very sorry for DSD as it's too late to sort another placement out for this week.

I

OP posts:
Seasawride · 08/07/2018 21:31

I would be livid op your poor step dd.

I would see the owner/manager and find out what exactly happened. Then decide. If it was as bad as you say I would let ofsted know too. And post it on their website. No idea if they b interested but I couldn’t help myself causing them a bit of angst.

Please encourage your dsd to try somewhere else I am sure she would be welcomed elsewhere.

dinosaurkisses · 08/07/2018 21:32

Good point from an above poster.

How can approval be granted for an unknown individual to work onsight without the owner knowing? Surely there should be some process in place that makes sure all staff knows there is going to be a work experience student who will need constant supervision, at least for safe guarding reasons?

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:32

If it was as bad as you say I would let ofsted know too. And post it on their website.

Why would Ofsted care that a childcare facility didn't let a person in to work with children? Surely the opposite would be the concern?

fixingabrokenhesrt · 08/07/2018 21:32

Your second post paints a different picture and tbh the owner sounds right. Could you imagine the shit storm if nurseries starting letting any joe bloggs in without verifying who they Are or why they're there?

Loopytiles · 08/07/2018 21:32

I would investigate and yes, probably move DC unless this could be detrimental to the DC.

Childcare is a low paid occupation where women are often badly treated by employers: would encourage DSD to look into doing something with better prospects.

Crunchymum · 08/07/2018 21:34

Work experience in a nursery?????? What Ever.

Riv · 08/07/2018 21:35

How awful for your DSD. So sorry for her (and you in having to deal with it all.

What to do now. It all depends on what you want to achieve. It does sound like the nursery manager was incredibly rude and unprofessional and I suspect that is a major problem for someone in that position.
By withdrawing your DS2, what will it achieve? Will it make your DSD feel better or worse, given you will not be able to use them for childcare again.
Does DS2 enjoy the nursery and were you happy with them before this? Will you be able to trust that nursery now?
You need to contact the nursery and find out their version of what happened and why. Their response to that, and their response to knowing the relationship between you and the girl they treated so badly might help you make up your mind what to do.
If you decide to, you need to make sure they understand that it is because of their unprofessional behaviour.
Good Luck.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:35

I'm trying not to write essays...

DSD is adamant she was very rude and dismissive to her and just marched her out of the door.

I totally understand that the particular nursery person may not have been aware of her placement there and has a duty no let strangers into the building but to make a 15yo incredibly upset is not really very fair.

OP posts:
TigerTooth · 08/07/2018 21:37

Op - I don't suppose by ANY chance you are in North London? She can come to my nursery no problem, I'm head of early years in a school and we'll take her.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:37

I totally understand that the particular nursery person may not have been aware of her placement there and has a duty no let strangers into the building but to make a 15yo incredibly upset is not really very fair.

Possibly not, but is it a reason to unsettle your child? She was perfectly within her rights, in all honesty.

Anyway, your decision!

Witchend · 08/07/2018 21:37

The first description then the second one are very different.

If they had no record not anyone to verify them then they couldn't let her in. Rightly so. And that's basically what was said.
Yes it wasn't nice for anyone to be put in that situation, but not necessarily the nursery's fault.

If you found someone had walked in off the street and said " oh yes you're expecting me", they couldn't find any record but believed them and they had let them in with the children you'd be rightfully furious.

I would check that the contact had actually arranged it and not been "oh I'm sure it'll be fine" without actually checking.

abilockhart · 08/07/2018 21:39

Hi...thank you for the replies

She asked her who she was and DSD told her that that was there for an induction and had been told to go. The person she spoke to told her that she had never heard her and that there was no record of her. DSD told her that she had letters and had spoken to the contact.

The nursery person then told her the contact was not in and she couldn't check.

TightlineTina, this isn't the same as your earlier version of events.

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