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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to withdraw DS from nursery after DSD treated horribly over work experience?

111 replies

TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:13

Hey everyone...

I'm just after some advice really.

DSD was due to start work experience next week at DS2 nursery. She went there on Friday as instructed by her contact to have an induction there and was basically told to get lost. The owner was rude to her, humiliated her and then marched her out of the door. She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run.

The kid is devastated.

I've been using the nursery for years at considerable expense and I am quite upset at the way she has been treated.

This was a placement she had sorted out herself without mentioning me or DH as she wanted to achieve it on her own.

She has had letters from the nursery confirming her place and has had conversations with them numerous times on the phone. Her contact who told her to go in was on holiday so she wasn't there either.

I have offered to ring the nursery tomorrow to find out why she was treated that way and see if it was just a mix up. DSD said she will not go there for work experience anyway now as she would be too uncomfortable and has also said it has put her off working in any nursery in the future.

DSD is a lovely girl and my heart breaks for her. She is quite shy and it took a lot for her to do this on her own and now her confidence is shattered to pieces. She had been and bought herself all new clothes for this and now has to go to school all week instead.

So....AIBU to withdraw DS over this...a miscommunication I could totally understand but DSD is not prone to overdramatics and is clearly very upset about it all.

All advice totally welcome and appreciated

OP posts:
comedycentral · 08/07/2018 21:40

Work experience in a nursery?????? What Ever

It's quite a common choice actually!

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:42

Yes I fully appreciate the safeguarding issue...my children have all been there.

It was not the actual not letting her in that was the problem for us but more the attitude of the person. DSD is very polite and tried to explain but the nursery told her off.

I'm sorry if it appears I'm giving a mixed story. I'm trying to be clear...I'm obviously not doing it very well.

I'll ring them tomorrow and see what they say.

OP posts:
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/07/2018 21:43

Complete about face in your second post... Can’t take you seriously now.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:45

I suspect she will say she told your DD clearly that she couldn't let her in because she had no supporting evidence that she was supposed to be there. If you ask her why she wasn't "nice" about it, she will probably say she was perfectly polite, as in, "Sorry, you can't come in. X isn't in today and I have no record of any of this."

As far as I can see, that's her job.

Mummymummums · 08/07/2018 21:47

Did your DD not tell you this on Friday? - you could have called them then and maybe salvaged something.
If this is what happened it's not nice at all, but I think you need to get both sides. Do they have just the one setting?
If it turns out to be fully accurate then I think I'd withdraw my DS and leave reviews. I wouldn't want to keep lining that owner's pocket!

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:48

I can't really see where there is a difference between the two posts tbh.

But maybe getting other views is important as obviously DH and I are just seeing an upset DSD and not the bigger picture.

Maybe IABU then.

Thanks for giving another point of view.

I definitely think the way forward is to ask them and judge it on their response.

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 08/07/2018 21:48

And you should go in. Not ring them. Presumably your DS is there anyway, or otherwise you're at home for the day.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/07/2018 21:51

Can’t you??

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:52

The owner was rude to her, humiliated her and then marched her out of the door. She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run.

The difference is that nothing you said your later posts suggests that these things happened, other than that she had never heard of her. She may well have humiliated her and patronised her, or marched her out of the door, but you have missed out those parts from your later posts.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:52

I will be work tomorrow but will call them definitely.

Consensus seems to be mixed maybe we ABU and also that I'm not great at writing on mumsnet threads!

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:53

DSD said that is how she felt...being humiliated and patronized and then marched out. That's how she said she felt. Sorry if I'm not being clear

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 08/07/2018 21:54

Do you really not see the difference between 'told her to get lost' and 'told her she couldn't come in'?

I feel very sorry for your DSD - I was a shy 15 year old and would also have probably been embarrassed to the point of tears if this had happened to me - but that would have been at the general situation and my own feeling of having been put on the spot and embarrassed, not as a direct result of how the adult handled it. I suspect your DSD would have found this really upsetting and humiliating no matter how nice the owner had been about it (I'm not saying she was nice), so I'm not sure how good a gauge her upset is for what actually happened.

BackforGood · 08/07/2018 21:56

Totally agree with Pengggwn, in both all of posts.
Also agree with all posters saying that your 2nd version is very different from the first.

I don't understand why, when the person who opened the door said she didn't know anything about it, your DSD then didn't show her the letter(s) she had ? Would have cleared it up straight away.

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:57

DSD said that is how she felt...being humiliated and patronized and then marched out. That's how she said she felt. Sorry if I'm not being clear

Just because she felt those things does not mean her feelings were reasonable. Was she actually marched out? No. Was she asked to leave? Yes. Was that humiliating for her? Probably. Did the manager have a choice? No. That is what you need to explain to her.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:57

Yes maybe you are right...that's why I came on to ask rather than going all guns blazing.

Maybe this is life lesson for DSD about resilience as pp have said

OP posts:
Mummymummums · 08/07/2018 21:59

I'll ask again: did your DSD not tell you this on Friday when you could have done something?

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:00

Thanks...I take it on board what you have said.

This is why I posted on AIBU to get some perspective...and not get carried away with myself.

I guess it is up to me to call nursery then explain to DSD about safeguarding etc

Thanks again for replying I appreciate the honesty

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:00

Sorry mummy...no she didn't. She is with her mum this weekend

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 22:02

TightlineTina

That's alright. Her work experience might be salvageable, actually. If you ring and clarify what has happened, maybe it will turn out to be a mix up that the woman is apologetic about!

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:05

Thanks Pegggwn...yes hopefully I can clear it up tommorrw.

Obviously I caught up in the moment. It was just not nice hearing her being upset. She is a great kid

OP posts:
schoty77 · 08/07/2018 22:06

I think you should go in and talk to the staff. If she had confirmation of this work experience but was told she couldn't come in, then staff clearly aren't communicating. That would put doubt in my mind over their suitability to care for my child, perhaps that would be U, but I don't take chances with my DC. The rudeness also needs to be addressed, I'm sure the attitude of staff will become clear when you go and talk to them.

TheMagnificentEthel · 08/07/2018 22:06

Make sure you give correct notice before leaving the nursery or you will end up with a hefty bill.

Mindchilder · 08/07/2018 22:08

I'm sure it was upsetting and embarrassing for a shy teenager.

But there was obviously some miscommunication and the person who answered the door (was this the owner or a nursery worker?) explained they didn't know about it, couldn't help and was busy.

Sounds like at worst, there was some poor communication and someone wasn't as polite as they could have been?

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:08

Thanks schoty

Yes i definitely will be speaking to them to clarify.

Thanks again everyone for posting Smile

OP posts:
Seasawride · 08/07/2018 22:11

Yes Pegggwyn see your ofsted comment and you are right.

Hopefully you can get it sorted op to everyone’s satisfaction.