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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to withdraw DS from nursery after DSD treated horribly over work experience?

111 replies

TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 21:13

Hey everyone...

I'm just after some advice really.

DSD was due to start work experience next week at DS2 nursery. She went there on Friday as instructed by her contact to have an induction there and was basically told to get lost. The owner was rude to her, humiliated her and then marched her out of the door. She said she had never heard of her, patronized her then dismissed her out of the door saying she had a business to run.

The kid is devastated.

I've been using the nursery for years at considerable expense and I am quite upset at the way she has been treated.

This was a placement she had sorted out herself without mentioning me or DH as she wanted to achieve it on her own.

She has had letters from the nursery confirming her place and has had conversations with them numerous times on the phone. Her contact who told her to go in was on holiday so she wasn't there either.

I have offered to ring the nursery tomorrow to find out why she was treated that way and see if it was just a mix up. DSD said she will not go there for work experience anyway now as she would be too uncomfortable and has also said it has put her off working in any nursery in the future.

DSD is a lovely girl and my heart breaks for her. She is quite shy and it took a lot for her to do this on her own and now her confidence is shattered to pieces. She had been and bought herself all new clothes for this and now has to go to school all week instead.

So....AIBU to withdraw DS over this...a miscommunication I could totally understand but DSD is not prone to overdramatics and is clearly very upset about it all.

All advice totally welcome and appreciated

OP posts:
Squidgee · 08/07/2018 22:12

If the contacts weren't available to clarify her induction, there really wasn't much else the Nursery worker could do other than tell her she would have to leave.

Your DSD needs to buck up a bit if being walked out upset her so much it'd put her off nurseries for life, they HAVE to be seen to be following the safeguarding and she needs to understand that.

It would also reflect very badly on her if she refuses the WE placement if its sorted out.

Sheheremard · 08/07/2018 22:13

Well you might be being a bit U about it, but you sound like a lovely stepmum

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:13

Yes Mindchilder maybe my shy teen was just not used to the way some people are, some people are just naturally more abrupt than others...like I said maybe a life lesson for her.

MagnificentEthel yes I would of could give the proper notice period if it came to it. Judging by the replies it seems IABU though.

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:15

Thanks shehermard

That is very kind. I love her very much

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:17

Thanks squidgee shacks calling in the morning to give me the letter so I will explain it to her then. I will speak to the nursery and hopefully it will be a storm in a teacup

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:18

*She is not shacks

OP posts:
Popfan · 08/07/2018 22:21

It is really rubbish for your DSD though. I also feel the organisation of the nursery must be pretty poor if there was no information left by the contact as to her work experience. I'd still be cross on her behalf.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:25

Thanks popfan...

I will let everyone know the outcome tmrw...Thanks everyone for all replies and comments

OP posts:
bluestarthread · 08/07/2018 22:28

If she's doing work experience as part of school then school staff will also have been in touch with the nursery to ensure adequate insurances, safeguarding etc. Call them first before contacting the nursery. Your personal connection will quickly muddy the waters for all involved. Better to let school sort it professionally. They may also be able to buddy her with another placement elsewhere if it's not going to work out at this location.

BipolarSunset · 08/07/2018 22:28

I'd say something OP.

Hope DSD isn't feeling to disheartened x

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 08/07/2018 22:31

What actually happened and your shy 15 yo interpretation of what happened sound like 2 different versions of the same event.

The owner did her job by protecting the children from someone who had not Been verified. Don’t withdraw your ds.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:32

Thanks bipolar We will make sure she is ok

Good point bluestar...it was organised by DSD but the school were aware of it and had scheduled visits etc

OP posts:
Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 22:34

Thanks for your reply curly wurly. Yes it does seem that may be the case. I will try to get to the bottom of it tmrw. And yes I agree 're safeguarding. This is why I came on here to get past my own emotion of seeing her hurt and get some clarity

OP posts:
bellabasset · 08/07/2018 22:54

I worked with adults with an ld. We could not allow under 18 yr old to gain work experience due to safeguarding issues for the minor.

Did dd get a DBS check? I am wondering if this work placement had been set up properly by dsd"s contact following the nursery's procedure.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 23:01

I don't know tbh bella but I will ask tmrw. The school are aware of the placement so it does appear above board. I will ask her when she pops in in the morning. Thanks for the heads up

OP posts:
Onceuponatime21 · 08/07/2018 23:04

You cannot DBS someone who is u16.

School staff may be able to contact one of their feeder primaries, assuming they've haven't taken lots of students already.

DSD will just have to go to school tomorrow.

It's really common that students don't keep in touch with their placements well once they've got them sorted, then this type of thing happens. It's completely infuriating but it's a good lesson to learn.

Hope your DSD manages to bounce back and has a good week.

Original poster
TightlineTina · 08/07/2018 23:10

Thanks onceuponatime me too Smile

OP posts:
Quantumblue · 08/07/2018 23:21

Poor DSD. I hope something can be sorted for her. Whether the owner was brusque or really rude, it can be shattering for a shy teen.

Quantumblue · 08/07/2018 23:46

Could have worded that better- of course she will have to learn to deal with busy and rude adults but some teens find this really challenging.

Osirus · 09/07/2018 01:36

Work experience in a nursery?????? What Ever.

Yes, indeed. My niece recently did work experience in a nursery and she absolutely loved it. It does happen! 🙄

Annalogy · 09/07/2018 02:18

I agree with a PP: you sound like a lovely step mum. I hope you sort it all in the morning Smile

ilovepaperchase · 09/07/2018 06:31

What's wrong with work experience in a nursery?

Sleephead1 · 09/07/2018 06:50

well It doesn't sound like a nice situation and I'm sure she was embarrassed and would defiantly want to speak to them about it but it does sound like her contact wasn't there and so actually the nursery worker couldn't really let them in. Obviously the person who hasn't left her dates has made a mistake. Where I work we couldn't let some one in with out our manager confirming it and them filling in correct paperwork on confidentiality ECT so we would have to turn away aswell. I think perhaps the nursery worker was busy / stressed and perhaps hasn't reacted in the best way but at the same time I do think your step daughter may have to get used to this a little bit as in the world of work these things to happen. I think whatever happened even if the person had been lovley and sweet she may have still felt very embarrassed. As for taking your child out well that's up to you but did you have any issues before? would it effect your child to be taken out ? would you have to find a new child care setting? would they cope well with that ?

HidingFromDD · 09/07/2018 07:08

If the contact not being in was unplanned/emergency then the owner was probably organising cover at short notice. Not good to be rude but possibly more understandable. I'd have been more concerned if she'd let her in tbh

RhiWrites · 09/07/2018 07:14

OP, I’m baffled why other posters are claiming the story changed. All your posts have been consistent to me.

It sounds really upsetting and unprofessional. I can’t imagine telling a work experience student “I don’t know anything about this, I’ve got a business to run”. I’d ask to see the letters she’d had and find out what had gone wrong.