Sexist football chants

[TheMonkeyMummy]

DH and I have fallen out. He is lovely caring, big soft Geordie, and a big football fan. He took two DS 1&2 to watch the match today and they all had a great time.

An hour ago, he said to me ‘the English and Swedish fans are having a bit of banter. The English are shouting ‘You’re shit but at least your wives are fit.’ And the Swedes are replying ‘Go home to your ugly wives.’

I said ‘that’s quite offensive and rather sexist.’
He said ‘of course it’s sexist. It’s football.’

And so I replied ‘ok, so sexism is ok then. as long as it's funny? I guess there's a similarity between casual sexism and casual racism. As long as it’s a ‘joke’ and serves your agenda, then it’s ok.’ (DH abhors casual racism so I knew this would make him bristle.)

And it has just gone downhill from there. I have told him that I am disappointed in his reaction to my initial comment and I think he needs to reflect upon these chants/comments. He thinks I am being ridiculous as it's all just a bit of fun.

FWIW, I know it's an old chant.

Aibu to be upset that this is permitted behaviour?

@gillybeanz, interesting to see your old post about teaching girls to smash glass ceilings but then you personally insult me (without knowing me) because I have concerns about sexism in football?

Curious.

I don't think it is necessarily sexist to insult someone's wife is it? I mean if someone made a joke about my husband not being good looking enough or his looks making up for my not being good at something my first thought wouldn't be sexism. Is it because they are in a group? Unless some of the players have husbands I wouldn't necessarily think it was about sex.

Op....have you trawled gillybeanz posting history?Looking for ammunition?

In a lot of ways, it mirrors "throw like a girl", or the biggest insult of referring to a group of Men as ladies.Or saying that "my Granny could do ...... better".

I'm on the fence, though. It does assume that everyone is heterosexual, as well, I suppose.

Racecardriver , I think the implication is that Women only have value if they are attractive. We aren't good enough without being decorative, or fuckable.

with you OP

I agree with you OP. My DH told me about these exact chants last night, expecting me to laugh. He was disappointed when I told him they were misogynistic.

@Racecardriver good point. I took it as a sexist comment because they referred to the beauty gender of a nation, rather than individual people. It is well documented that society doesn't place as much pressure on men for their looks, whereas women struggle with this across the globe. I found the recent Foof thread quite thought provoking with regards to this, and how much attention women are expected to pay to their physical appearance rather than men.

I’m willing to bet that the same football fans who happily denigrate women wouldn’t be so happy if the majority of the crowd were women who were chanting about how small their penises were. Or shouting racist insults. But it’s ok if it’s sexist. And people are defending this? Really? Why?

@RunMummyRun68 I did a quick search for her username, naturally. Didn't have to delve too far.

When someone is personally insulting me, I think that's a fair enough thing to do.

(And fwiw I actually think we share quite a few opinions, but sadly, not on this thread).

yanbu it's sexist and i wouldn't want my son to be witness to it. I hate a lot of the football culture we have here. That's having grown up in a football family and married to a big football fan. DH went to a pub for the last game and hated the casual racist (mainly anti german) chants and sexist chants so stayed in for today's game.

People who say it's ok need to open their eyes to how normalised this level of misogyny is in our society especially if they are bringing up boys who like football.

Football is full of sexism. Any female who tries to be "cool" by accepting it or laughing it off is part of the problem.

I pulled up a guy on a discussion board who said "this is the world cup, not the girls second team" or something similar. I've not gone back to see what he's replied yet but I expect my post will be removed, his won't.

Why did he have to compare them to girls? Football is rife with secism, it's really exuding.
I would not be happy with those chants.

DH and I have fallen out

FFS, if you've seriously fallen out and not just prone to the odd bit of hyperbole, in the nicest possible way, get a fucking grip.

I am appalled that people think this kind of chant is acceptable.
It wasn't funny banter when it was racist and it isn't funny banter when it's sexist.
Women and girls deserve better.

@VanGoghsDog
Well done for commenting (even if it is deleted).

Hopefully people will gradually realize that this just isn't cool but for that to happen, someone needs to create a buzz.

It’s the casual objectification of women I find very wearing.

@RainbowsAndSmiles not fallen out in a seriously fatal way! We are best of friends usually, and are happily holding hands right now, chatting about a different subject.

Casual sexism is a problem and the main problem is no one sees anything wrong with it. It's 'funny' or 'banter' which makes it ok. It's not, just the same as racism.

^^ this.
OP, I reckon your DH is being defensive because he's got an uncomfortable feeling you're right but doesn't want to admit it.

Football isn't full of sexism, the world is sadly. When I think back to XH and his rugby playing days, nothing I've ever witnessed in football comes close.

I agree with you OP and you are right to raise it. It all feeds into the objectification of women. I have a big problem with that. Just because it's football doesn't make it ok.

I agree with you OP. It’s a bit sad that we are supposed to be pleased it’s friendly banter rather than overt racism with banana references etc - low standards that we have for football fans.

My DH had made some casual sexist remarks when we were first together and I always took issue - he could have dumped me if he hadn’t liked it but actually he’s changed his viewpoint from hearing things from a woman’s perspective. Thankfully he doesn’t like football so no banter needs to be listened to there.

Tbf I'm not convinced it's sexist. I think it's "racist". English women are ugly, Swedish women are fit... That's more about the country of origin isn't it? Either way it's low level bullshit dressed up as "'aving a bit of a larf"

@ErrolTheDragon
I suspect you are right. He is such a lovely man, great at delicate discussions and normally a very agreeable/reasonable and thoughtful person. I was genuinely taken aback by this comment as it's so out of character.

I don't pay much attention to football at all, (and am not at all knowledgeable about this culture) but it is very important to him. A quick google has brought up some rather insightful articles.

I am not going to discuss them with him though. Not tonight, anyway. Maybe next year.

@RainbowsAndSmiles not fallen out in a seriously fatal way! We are best of friends usually, and are happily holding hands right now, chatting about a different subject

Oh good

I think it's "racist". English women are ugly, Swedish women are fit...

Oh jeez, as an English woman, I take zero offence at it. Akin to racism? Ooookay.

@Bufferingkisses valid point also!