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Original poster

Smoking during pregnancy

124 replies

Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 19:56

I know it's probably none of my business but my friend smokes between 15-20 a day and is pregnant . Should I say anything or keep my thoughts to myself on this subject ? She says it's her only vice and has gave up drinking so why shud she give up the tabs ? I have resisted giving her my thoughts as I don't know if I should say anything as I don't want to over step the mark . I get it's an emotive topic but I can't help but feel 15-20 cigarettes a day is bad for her unborn baby .

OP posts:
LittleBirdBlues · 07/07/2018 19:58

Yes it is bad for the baby but she knows that. She has a serious addiction problem. How does the father of the bab feel about this, if he is involved?

I wouldn't say anything to her, as it isn't your decision to make.

KneesupGaston · 07/07/2018 19:58

She already knows, keep out of it.

Brunsdon1 · 07/07/2018 19:59

I'm an ex smoker and instantly quit the second I knew I was pregnant with both DC...no way in he'll would I risk it...no caffeine no alcohol no cigarettes

Yanbu to be concerned

But what good do you think it will do ,the dangers of smoking in pregnancy are well known I can't imagine she's clueless about it

So ultimately what would it achieve by you saying something?

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/07/2018 19:59

Mind your own business. She's an adult and knows what shes doing. So does her midwife.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/07/2018 20:00

Little point in saying anything given her stance.

Now you have to question can you remain friends knowing her views on it? I don't think I could, the effects on smoking in pregnancy are well documented. Fine to poison your own body but a totally different story when pregnant.

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:00

He smokes also and smokes much more than her . He doesn't seem to be bothered at all . They are on and off relationship wise and he is out more with his mates than he is with her. Neither seem in the least bit bothered

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 07/07/2018 20:01

She says it's her only vice and has gave up drinking so why shud she give up the tabs ?

If she actually asks you that question, yes you can answer - because you're starving your baby of oxygen.

I must admit I couldn't sit and watch her smoke.

NCPuffin · 07/07/2018 20:02

Not sure. The midwife will do a carbon monoxide test at the booking appointment though, which will show she has high CO levels. I don't think they do this to find smokers, more for dodgy boilers etc, but it will identify a problem. In the women's unit at my hospital there are several posters explaining that the baby suffers directly if you smoke. I have no idea what the midwives would say or do, but I can't imagine they'd let it go unchallenged. There's probably also support available.

It sounds like your friend is in denial about the risk. Was the pregnancy planned/ wanted? She will really have to quit, the risks to the baby are fairly astronomicalSad

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:03

She has shocked me to be honest as I thought she would give up once she got her bfp . Whilst trying she would say the cigs kept her calm and would give up as soon as she got that bfp. She did stop for the first day but said she felt ill and as she had gave up alcohol why should she give up the cigs ? I don't know how I feel about our friendship but I am shocked at her rastionalisation about continuing smoking

OP posts:
Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:05

Oh and she also continuously states that her mum smokes throughout her pregnancy and she was fine ( 1980s)

OP posts:
Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:05

Smoked *

OP posts:
AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 20:05

Unless she's had her head under a rock for most of her life, she will know it's bad too. And if she didn't, the midwife will tell her. I'm not sure if there's any point in telling her as well. Maybe offer some support for her if she wants to quit. It might be her only vice but it's a bloody awful one. If you try and say anything she will probably feed you some shite about "the stress of quitting worse for the baby than the cigarettes" (it really isn't).
If she talks about quitting, be super positive and supportive, otherwise I'd say just leave it as you'd be on a hiding to nothing.

bandthenjust · 07/07/2018 20:06

Yanbu, BUT the worst thi ng you can do is to 'inform her' and keep going on about it. It'll get her ba ck up, and it could put her off talking to you about anything. If by all means, she ASKS you for help or support, do, but try and be as neutral and non-opinionated as possible.

(Personally it pisses me off seeing a pregnant lady with a fag hanging out her mouth, but what can you do)

itscaaaaaminhome · 07/07/2018 20:06

Disgusting, selfish, pathetic.. I could go on.
You’ll have plenty of people tell you it’s not your business. I wouldn’t say anything to her- she knows she’s harming her baby and doesn’t give a fuck, what can you say?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 20:08

Oh and she also continuously states that her mum smokes throughout her pregnancy and she was fine ( 1980s)

Love that one. People used to paint their faces with arsenic too and line their homes with asbestos and not everyone died from that either. It's russian roulette. My dad's lungs are awful because his mum smoked in pregnancy. He was also small because of it.

itscaaaaaminhome · 07/07/2018 20:08

Her baby will be born addicted and will have to go cold turkey from the nicotine :) but who cares? As long as she gets her fags.
Cut her off.

garethsouthgatesmrs · 07/07/2018 20:09

if she brings it up in conversation I personally would tell her how harmful it is and suggest she speaks to her midwife about getting help to stop. 15-20 a day while.pregnang is quite shocking actually

I think she is in denial and doesn't actually want to face up to the truth of the dangers to her baby.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 07/07/2018 20:09

I couldn't be friends with someone who smoked in pregnancy.

For context, I had a stillborn baby - didn't even take a paracetamol during my pregnancy, and was healthy/looked after myself. After leaving my sons tiny body to be taken to the mortuary, I was discharged and had to walk past 2 women heavily pregnant and smoking outside the hospital doors. The rage I felt has never left me, to be honest. So I'm probably not rational about it. But it's one of those things I find totally incomprehensible.

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/07/2018 20:10

Nicotine is the most addictive drug in the world. Now what do you suggest ? You can take the moral high ground all you like and if you really think its worthy losing a friendship over, then your aren't really much of a friend anyways. Well, you aren't are you? You're judgemental. and no one needs holier-than-thou friends.

As an ex smoker, packing up was the most difficult thing I ever did.

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:16

Wow newyear that's a bit strong ? Iv never once said I wanted to lose a friendship and I was asking for advice tontry and help her . Sounds like you have issues by your tone ! No way have I been judgemental or taking the moral high ground ! I was asking for advice sonas not to offend her !

OP posts:
BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 07/07/2018 20:16

If it's judgmental to not want a growing baby to be subject to the effects of smoking and then suffer after birth from withdrawal then I'd imagine lots of people would be happy to be labelled it.

It might be hard to give up but nobody has to start smoking in the first place and when you become a parent the babies needs and health come first.

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 20:18

Iv been trying for 6 years newyear so if I come across as judgemental or holier than though then maybe I am because I'd give anything to be in her shoes right now !!!

OP posts:
AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen · 07/07/2018 20:23

Quitting is bloody hard. Ive done it - mercifully before I ever fell lregnt. But you do it for your baby. Its not about you. As someone who's lost many babies and last pregnancy involved injecting medication twice daily and following an incredibly strict diet, giving up almost everything I enjoyed eating, there just isn't an excuse.
I rarely judge about anything in parenting. I understand we are all just trying to do our best by our kids and generally operate a "not my monkeys, not my circus" view, but on this I really can't help myself.

Brunsdon1 · 07/07/2018 20:25

It's not holier than thou to be concerned....i am the freaking queen of live and let live but it's not ok to do this,this is a step way to far...whether you like it or not being a parent of putting your needs second

I don't think she remotely listen if you say something and I think I'd walk away

It's hard...i am an ex smoker I drink (not during pregnancy ) and am the poster child for unhealthy sometimes...but the second I fell pregnant the baby comes first if you are continuing full term

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/07/2018 20:28

I don't know how I feel about our friendship

^^ your words OP.

Now you've disclosed why you feel so strongly, her smoking or not smoking isn't going to resolve your situation, You'll still look at her wistfully, wondering 'what if' . That's natural.

But I will reiterate, it is none of your business to pass comment, irrespective of what you think. He midwife will have told her, she knows, she's seen plenty of ciggie packets with gruesome pictures on.