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Original poster

Smoking during pregnancy

124 replies

Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 19:56

I know it's probably none of my business but my friend smokes between 15-20 a day and is pregnant . Should I say anything or keep my thoughts to myself on this subject ? She says it's her only vice and has gave up drinking so why shud she give up the tabs ? I have resisted giving her my thoughts as I don't know if I should say anything as I don't want to over step the mark . I get it's an emotive topic but I can't help but feel 15-20 cigarettes a day is bad for her unborn baby .

OP posts:
AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 07/07/2018 20:30

Tell her that it is estimated that 30% of SIDS cases are linked to smoking in pregnancy (and another 30% to either parent smoking after birth). That exposure to second-hand smoke is linked to meningococcal disease (i.e. meningitis and septicaemia) and may increase the risk of childhood leukaemia. Not everyone knows about these risks and for some reason they are not among the most-cited by HCPs.

I'd prefer a friend who gave me facts to one who nodded and smiled while I was doing something really awful (and I do put smoking in pregnancy in that category).

Pebblespony · 07/07/2018 20:31

It's bad but there's nothing you can do.

ilovetomatoes · 07/07/2018 20:33

Sorry but I couldn’t be friends with someone like this. I would talk to them about it and then if they didn’t stop would cut them out. I know that’s harsh but the dangers of smoking while pregnant are so well known, it’s just difficult to accept that someone would smoke not just a couple here and there but 20 a day? Appalling.

Pebblespony · 07/07/2018 20:33

Regarding what a poster said, I wasn't aware you got a carbon monoxide test in pregnancy. Is it standard?

NCPuffin · 07/07/2018 20:37

Pebbles I was that PP. I think it is standard in my area. I can't think of any reasons why I would have been given it if it weren't standard - I gave up smoking 7 years ago and my husband doesn't smoke either (unless it's because we live in rented accommodation (dodgy boilers), but that seems very tenuous).

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/07/2018 20:37

This is a pointless discussion because if someone said they wanted a termination, everyone would be telling her its her body/ her right/ do whats best for you ….. have a ciggie and she's up there with [insert serial killer of your choice lest I offend]

Mind boggling.

Pebblespony · 07/07/2018 20:42

Thanks @NCPuffin.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 07/07/2018 20:43

You're judgemental

I freely admit to judging people who knowingly and deliberately inflict harm on their children. Some things deserve judgement and smoking in pregnancy is one of them. Yes, Nicotine is addictive and quitting is difficult (as an ex-smoker believe me, I know it's difficult) but plenty of people manage it and there is support available on the NHS for those wanting to stop. We all make choices.

NCPuffin · 07/07/2018 20:43

It's not just about her and her body now is it? Choosing to terminate obviously means the embryo will not develop into an independently living baby, so could be argued to damage the embryo in that way. Now I've acknowledged that inevitable reply to what I'm going to say: once you've decided to continue the pregnancy, I don't think it's unreasonable you're expected to do what's best for the developing embryo/ foetus/ baby. Of course this isn't always easy or straightforward, but it's the effort that counts. This person is making no effort to do what's best.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 07/07/2018 20:44

NewYear - the difference is that with a termination a pregnancy (a potential child, not actually a child yet) is ended, with smoking in pregnancy a child is born who then is more likely than not to have at least some degree of health problems because of the smoking, some of which may be fatal or cause severe misery.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2018 20:44

She’s decided to have her baby and OP can’t see why she’s willing to knowingly hurt her baby. That’s a completely different thing to deciding not to have the baby. They’re apples and pears, a really daft comparison.

Most people choose to quit when ttc or pregnant. It’s clearly not that hard if you want what’s best for your baby.

You’re being very defensive newyear. OP isn’t hectoring her friend but she’s entitled to judge her on an anonymous forum.

Bibbitybobity · 07/07/2018 20:48

I wonder if you are a smoker NewYear Hmm
And I expect your reply to be that it’s none of my business. So save your breath on that one.

Anyway it’s so incredibly selfish to Smoke, Drink or take any harmful substances whilst pregnant. You are harming a life that has no choice and is depending on you to nourish them and protect them for 9months.

I don’t think anything you say will make any difference, her Midwife would have made her fully aware of how harmful it is and she would have already been offered help and support to quit. She’s just not interested.

If you can’t ignore it, distance yourself. I personally find it unbearable to watch a pregnant woman puffing away.

NewYearNewMe18 · 07/07/2018 20:49

Most people choose to quit when ttc or pregnant

Statistics please.

Some might, most will attempt to reduce, not completely quit.

Frankly Looking back at the op - I cant see this is a planned pregnancy They are on and off relationship wise she's probably depressed as fuck at the situation she's in.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/07/2018 20:54

Riiiight. So she’s depressed. She can seek help from her midwife.

Where would you draw the line? Smoking 20 a day is fine. How about smoking a joint or 2? How about a spot of crack or heroine? Because you know, she’s having a tough time.

Abortion is free and easy to do in this country, which is great. She’s had a choice about continuing with her pregnancy from day one and she’s decided to go ahead with it.

What about when she has the baby? 20 a day in front of it?

NordicNobody · 07/07/2018 21:01

@NewYearNewMe18

Whilst trying she would say the cigs kept her calm and would give up as soon as she got that BFP

From one of OPs later posts.

JamieDornansBiatch · 07/07/2018 21:01

I despise smoking in pregnancy but at the end of the day it's her pregnancy & she can cope with it how she wants. I would never do it but have been in a situation where a friend has...her body, her decision!

Lizzie48 · 07/07/2018 21:02

What I've noticed on MN is that a lot of posters are more defensive of women smoking through pregnancy than they are about drinking alcohol. The reality is, both are harmful. I'm an adoptive mum whose DDs' birth mum smoked throughout her pregnancy with DD1. She came to live with us at age 1 and during the first 2 years she was with us, she coughed all through the nights. We used to listen to her on the monitor coughing in her sleep.

My DSis 3rd DC with her DH is adopted. (The first 2 were birth DC.) It's a little DS, nearly 3 years old now, whose birth mum smoked throughout her pregnancy. He has an awful cough to the extent that he can barely breathe sometimes. He probably has childhood asthma.

Smoking through pregnancy damages the foetus. I don't know why some people are being so defensive about this. It can't be compared to termination; if a woman decides to have her baby, then she should care about the future health of that baby.

BadMoodBetty · 07/07/2018 21:07

Its fucking despicable and your friend is a selfish cunt.

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 21:10

Yes it was very much a planned pregnancy newyear and no I don't think she is depressed ? She certainly doesn't display any outward signs of depression anyways . Newyear you have stated your an ex smoker so I'm guessing this is where your anger is coming from !

OP posts:
garethsouthgatesmrs · 07/07/2018 21:13

As an ex smoker, packing up was the most difficult thing I ever did

Good for you that you managed it. The Op's friend could have given up before ttc. Had she done that we wouldn't be having this conversation. She chose not to give up or try and still ttc. It really is extremely selfish and ignorant to smoke when pregnant. It can have catastrophic effects. I also wouldn't have a baby with a partner who smokes in our home because of the risk of SIDS.

FatSally · 07/07/2018 21:17

Keep your thoughts to yourself.

She knows it's bad, she knows she shouldn't. She still does. You telling her it's bad and she shouldn't won't do any good or tell her anything she doesn't already know.

Original poster
Geordiegirl1988 · 07/07/2018 21:21

I must let everyone know that Iv not once told her she shouldn't do it or made my feelings clear on her smoking as I didn't know if it was my place. She always brings it up every time she lights up and will say " e I know I shouldn't , but Iv gave up alcohol and me mam smokes 20 a day with me and I'm fine " she then will say " right , next week I'm gunna cut down and eventually stop" I always just say welldone and good luck for quoting and if you need me for anything I will help you . Iv never once told her she shouldn't smoke or my true feelings on the situation as I don't know if it is my place ? Hence me asking for advice !!!

OP posts:
FatSally · 07/07/2018 21:24

It's not your place. She already knows it would be better not to as she's said it. What good would you also saying it do?

Storm4star · 07/07/2018 21:24

Ultimately statistics are manipulated to support certain goals. If you actually do some research about asthma for example, the number of asthma related deaths are increasing in this country, and rates in general are higher than years ago. And yet we’ve had a smoking ban for years now. Most people don’t smoke around children anymore. And yet still people claim that smoking around children causes asthma? That doesn’t add up. Your friend can make her own choices. None of your business.

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 07/07/2018 21:29

Storm4star, asthma isn't monocausal. The range of causes/triggers is quite considerable. The rise would probably have been even more pronounced had there been no smoking ban.

And it's not 'people' that 'claim' it, it's research.

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