Page 5 | Smoking during pregnancy

TheGoddessFrigg · 08/07/2018 12:17

I could not be friends with someone who smoked while pregnant. If smoking matters more than your baby - have a termination.

And I smoked from the age of 14 until I was 40. If you really want to give up, you'll do it.

specialsubject · 08/07/2018 12:22

smoking rots your brain, and the.mn demographic are not good with risk, correlation and causation at the best of times, hence the silly anecdotes.

pregnancy means body sharing and reduces freedoms. dont like that, dont get pregnant.

I hardly think the midwife will need to do a blood test to spot that she smokes, as she will reek like a fresh turd.

Lizzie48 · 08/07/2018 12:28

Disgusting. Hope social services realises how little she cares for her baby and takes it away. I couldn't continue to be friends with such an awful person. All you can do is walk away though.

This is ridiculous. I agree that smoking through pregnancy is selfish, but any damage will already have been done. Removing the child from his mum will cause far more long-term damage than having a mum who smokes.

I'm an adoptive mum to 2 DDs and I see the damage daily in DD1 (now 9), who has Attachment Disorder. Removing a child should only ever be done as a last resort.

CanaBanana · 08/07/2018 19:04

My point was that someone who cares so little about her baby that she continues to smoke while pregnant is not a fit parent. Why would social services leave a child in the custody of someone who has already demonstrated that they basically don't give a crap about it?

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/07/2018 19:43

She won’t stop on your comments sadly

Could you get her to cut down ?

Lizzie48 · 08/07/2018 20:40

I don't agree, @CanaBanana though I might have agreed with you before I went through the adoption process and brought up a DD with Attachment Disorder. It's heartbreaking. The damage for a child is far greater than if they were left with a mum who wasn't able to give up smoking through their pregnancy, but who was a loving mother in every other way. (I'm a non smoker so I'm not justifying smoking.)

A far better solution would be to offer the pregnant mum support to help her quit. There are a lot of mums who are smokers who would like to give up but haven't been able to as yet. But do you really think it better for a child to be taken away from their otherwise loving mum and to be placed with another family?

I agree that smoking can be damaging to the foetus. But unless there are other issues going on, the baby would still be better off staying with their bio mum, simply because the alternative can cause much more long-term damage.

Seasawride · 08/07/2018 20:45

I don’t think ss take children away because mum smoked while pregnant. most of us born in the 60s and before would have grown up in care you know.

It’s not great op but she knows that. Nothing you can do. Her body her choice and it’s not illegal.

tillytoodles1 · 08/07/2018 20:45

I smoked during both of my pregnancies, 1978 and 1980. Both of them were a week late, my son was 9lb, daughter just under 8lb. I know it was stupid but not the same as it is now. When my son was born, we could smoke in bed on the ward.

Mousefunky · 08/07/2018 20:59

Quitting is hard and I have done it a few times in my life, twice when I found out I was pregnant and those were by far the easiest times to quit because you’re doing it to protect your child.

Anyway, since she’s got so far into the pregnancy without quitting and most definitely will be aware of the dangers (midwives test CO levels at booking appointment so not only will she have been given a rollicking then, she will have been sent a pack through the post explaining the dangers and offering her to attend smoking cessation), she won’t quit just because you tell her to. If anything, it sounds as though it would strengthen her resolve a bit like when you try to tell a rebellious teenager not to do something. She’s only damaging her child and I hope for her sake, it isn’t born prematurely, stillborn or with defects.

NotASingleFuckToGive · 09/07/2018 12:18

Pregnant women who are obese have a far greater risk of their baby having congenital heart defects, anomalies of the digestive system, and malformations of genital organs or limbs. Not to mention gestational diabetes and increased risk of miscarriage, riskier birth, and greater need for surgical intervention in labour.

Personally I find that equally as selfish as smoking while pregnant is, yet you don't see many people threatening to end a friendship because their pregnant friend is fat. And it could be argued that it's far easier to stop overeating than it is to fight a nicotine addiction.

Verbena87 · 09/07/2018 12:29

If you do want to mention it, what about finding numbers/resources for help-to-quit services so you’re offering support rather than just saying ‘stop!’? Her midwife has probably already done it though.

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 09/07/2018 12:33

And yet shockingly if you go on a diet today in 48 hours you will not have lost two stone

But if you stop smoking your lung capacity increases and by transference your baby gets an easier time of it

But hey....lets not let logic get in the way of bandwagon jumping hyperbole

Yes it's safer for a healthy BMI to carry a child....does not mean just because there are overweight people having kids it's also ok to smoke during pregnancy

Original poster

Geordiegirl1988 · 09/07/2018 18:00

I don't agree social services should take her baby . She is a lovely person and will make a lovely mum . Yes she is making a poor choice to smoke during her pregnancy but I'm very happy that she will make a great mum and the baby will be brought up in a loving home . Just because she smokes does not mean she will be a terrible parent . She is ilinformed and deep down she knows smoking isn't great but she is addicted and I don't now how to help her ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Geordiegirl1988 · 09/07/2018 18:04

Yes definitely

OP posts:

BasilFaulty · 09/07/2018 20:07

I haven't RTFT but just wanted to say I'm in a similar position at the moment OP and it's really tough. I'm a smoker, as is my partner and I know no craving is worth harming your baby. It makes me and the rest of her friends really cringe when she goes on about how in love she is with her unborn baby and incessantly posts on FB about 'Being in love with someone I've not met yet'
Her partner also knows and also smokes. even rolls her cigarettes for her
There is no shame whatsoever, sometimes it's almost like she's parading it, waiting for someone to say something. We are not direct friends, my DP is friends with her DP, and he has had a chat with him about it, again he got the whole 'Well my ex smoked with our kids and they're fine' Cool. Crack on then.

Its a very tricky situation, but I kind of agree there's not much you can do.

youknowwherethecityis · 09/07/2018 20:35

I don't agree social services should take her baby either - and I'm sure she is a lovely person. But I really believe a great mum would put her child first. And smoking while pregnant is not doing that at all.

My mum was a heavy smoker who tried to quit several times and failed. Then she got pregnant and stopped immediately because no matter how much she wanted a cigarette, what she wanted more than that was for her child to be healthy.

Sommelierrrr · 09/07/2018 20:57

I would absolutely say something along the lines of... You do know that if you carry on smoking your baby is likely to be low birth weight with adhd?

BunsOfAnarchy · 09/07/2018 21:20

Smoking in pregnancy is disgusting. Im sorry but you're WILLINGLY harming your child.
Those sticking up for said pregnant lady seriously need their head checking! Saying there are worse things out there has fuck all to do with the issue at hand. Yes crack is worse. Yes there are other forms of child abuse. But that does not eradicate the damage caused by smoking!

Dont know whats wrong with some of the posters on MN. Airheads who smoked through their pregnancies obviously!

OP i cant advise much but you say you havent said anything directly to her sbout quitting. I think next time just say it. Tell her its the first and last youll mention it but she really needs to stop willingly causing harm to her baby and she will regret and live in guilt if baby has even the most minor of issues during and after birth.

Ethylred · 09/07/2018 22:52

There is nothing to be done with such people.

BasilFaulty · 10/07/2018 20:44

OP i cant advise much but you say you havent said anything directly to her sbout quitting. I think next time just say it. Tell her its the first and last youll mention it but she really needs to stop willingly causing harm to her baby and she will regret and live in guilt if baby has even the most minor of issues during and after birth

This is good advice.

greendale17 · 10/07/2018 20:46

I couldn’t be friends with a selfish dickhead like that

EveningHare · 10/07/2018 20:52

i get it's an emotive topic but I can't help but feel 15-20 cigarettes a day is bad for her unborn baby

You can't help but feel?

Cherrysherbet · 10/07/2018 21:04

I think pregnant women who smoke are absolutely disgusting.

As soon as you're pregnant, you should put the baby first. If you can't do that, then why have a baby? Drawing all those toxins into your body, when you are growing a precious new life.... I just don't get it. I couldn't be around someone like that.

Hannabee123 · 10/07/2018 21:46

I will start off with saying she must be your friend for a reason?
Hang out together? Go on days / trips out? Share things? Have a laugh? If you say she is supposedly your friend why don't you act like one? Instead of going all guns blazing, confronting her, disowning her or labelling her as a scumbag as some people have mentioned... Why don't you try supporting her with distractions when she feels the need to have a cigarette or say nothing at all and let her get on with it. Judge her all you want but it won't change her decision she has to make that choice herself.
To be honest she knows what she's doing isn't good. She will have bollockings off her midwife and support to quit. She will probably have additional pregnancy care. At the end of the day leave it to the professionals and just be supportive of your friend to help her cut down. You don't know what's going through her head. She might hate herself and hate the habit but she's addicted and struggling with it. She probably doesn't want to harm her baby but if you want to say anything just make sure it's supportive trying to get her to cut down or maybe just talk about the expense of it and how the money could be put to better use for baby items / things. You could encourage her to quit by kindly suggesting she limits her intake and put money in a pot that she would of spent. I mean 15 - 20 a day so she basically buys a back a day which works out around £8 - £10 depending on what she buys. So if she can just cut down to buying a pack every other day (because let's face it that shits expensive) she would of saved a small fortune within a few weeks.

It's up to you but you can't force people to do things no matter how wrong you think it is. Completely unrelated but my uncle is a heroin addict and he has a blood clot in his leg which he has left for a few weeks now. I've offered to drive him to hospital and planned to take him today. He won't go because he's too scared of withdrawing and the pain he goes through. He never turned up today. I've tried driving to find him but I can't. He won't go no matter how much people beg and cry. He knows he needs it sorted,, he's scared and beyond saving to be quite honest. I can't do fuck all about it. He's more than likely going to die because the clot will travel and kill him.
Addiction is a vile and completely soul destroying thing. No matter how upsetting it is, you can not do anything more but offer help and hope they take it.

AND before the 'report her to social services' brigade start... I'm not condoning smoking through pregnancy. I've just learned the hard way that you can't control people's actions so keep out of it and be there to help.